(Closed) Did he ask your dad before proposing?

posted 5 years ago in Traditions
  • poll: Did your FI ask your dad permission to marry you before proposing?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 122
    Member
    432 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2015 - Winery

    My dad is very old fashioned (we are Mexican if that matters at all) and while the FH didn’t ask for “permission”, he did come to their house and talked to my parents while I was at work. He pretty much told my parents his intentions and asked for their blessing. FH is NOT sappy or the talkative type and is really shy in general so I really appreciated that he stepped out of his comfort zone and had the conversation with them. It meant a lot to me and to my parents.

    Post # 123
    Member
    173 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    Mine did, and it meant a lot to me. We aren’t traditional really, but he did it as a respect thing. My Dad loved it, and I loved it. Each to their own though! 

    Post # 124
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    My FH asked my grandmother( whom I was very close to) just before she passed.  She told him”fine with me, but you have to ask her uncles!”.  She was a great lady with quite a sense of humor, but I don’t think FH understood that she was teasing him.  So he asked my uncles, who enjoyed putting him under the microscope “how do we know you’re reeeeealy the right one for our niece?”  My whole family loves FH and I thought it was all unnecessary but FH wanted to be “respectful” and I think my family did like the gesture.  

    Post # 125
    Member
    52 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2017

    Yes, he did.  And before we dated, too.

    Post # 126
    Member
    49 posts
    Newbee

    Definitely not. (I’m not close to my dad but I think he considered talking to my mum instead) Made it very clear to Fiance that the only person he needs to discuss it with is me.

    Post # 127
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee

    Mine did, even though I told him it was stupid and old fashioned. It was also awkward, as I was there! We were looking at a potential venue with my father and his parents and had already picked a tentative date, so the whole asking for a blessing was realllly unecessary.  I was the one who led the ‘hey, lets get married next fall’ conversation and got everything moving, so it was very much tradition for traditions sake.

    Post # 128
    Member
    120 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Yes. We had only been together 6 months, I moved 6 hours away to live with him and start up a new life and my dad had only met him twice. He drove up to their house and said ‘are you okay with me asking Beth to marry you?’ My dad replied ‘yes along as you never hurt her’ or something along those lines. And when he proposed he said don’t worry i have asked you dad! 

     

    I love it that he asked first 

    Post # 129
    Member
    81 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    Does anyone ever wonder about the gendered nature of these traditions? Like, no woman on here has mentioned asking her groom’s parents for a blessing or permission. 

    And lots of people mention that their fiancé asked their mother too but overall I would say that it seems like fathers are overwhelmingly privileged in these situations.  To me it seems to discount the role of both parents in raising their children. 

    I guess my question with these things isn’t that men ask women to marry them or that men ask the father for permission or whatever if anyone were doing it the reverse – women proposing to men too, etc in somewhat equal numbers but it just does not happen. The whole process seems to me to take away women’s agency, like on a global scale.  Honestly, on a personal level I’m all in favour of doing whatever works for you.

    I don’t know, I’m really, genuinely not trying to dismiss or insult any individual choices, I just wonder about on a larger, societal level and I feel like there are a lot questions unasked and a lot of biases that need to be unpacked. Maybe I need to go back to school and do a BA in Gender Studies 🙂 In the meantime, I would love to hear what anyone else thinks. 

    Post # 130
    Member
    255 posts
    Helper bee

    Like many PP have touched on, I think it’s more about tradition. It seems that most modern grooms-to-be that propose are asking the father or both parents for a blessing – not permission. The proposal receiver can still say ‘no’ but it is nice to know the family suports the union.

    SO and I were discussing this the other night in the context that my roomie’s Boyfriend or Best Friend will soon ask her mother’s blessing (yay!). He turned to me and said “if you’re going to be that traditional, you should ask the father, not the mother”. It kind of caught me off guard but I understand where he is coming from.

    Post # 131
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016 - NYC

    My Fiance actually asked my mom, because my dad and I aren’t super close and my mom is really the one he has to contend with. I knew he had asked her too, her and my sister were visiting us and my mom was being not very nice about him not proposing, so he asked her permission. That was in December 2014, we got engaged last month. He sent a picture to my mom of the ring/diamond that he had picked, but he didn’t tell her when he was proposing.

    Post # 132
    Member
    168 posts
    Blushing bee

    SO won’t propose until he speaks to my dad first. We’ve always had a very non traditional relationship, I’m the only girl and my dad never got the opportunity to do the “daddy thing” like intimidate dates or grill boyfriends. SO and I were long-distance, then I moved twelve hours away and we’ve lived together for seven years. He and my dad have only met once but they loved each other. He was the one who raised us kids and I’m a daddy’s girl so it would mean a lot to both of us for SO to talk to him, and SO wants to do it out of respect. Fingers crossed that he gets a moment while we’re in my home state in May!

    Post # 133
    Member
    373 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Mine didn’t but I wish he did. It’s not that it would have changed anything but I think my parents would have been touched by the gesture. Also possibly irked that he didn’t although they never said anything.

    Post # 135
    Member
    2000 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    He asked my mom and my dad. 🙂

    Post # 136
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    My father has been very passive about my relationship with my fiance so I told him he didn’t have to ask my dad’s permission. Especially since I think it’s stupid to “ask his permisson” for me and “to give me away”, I’m my own person. I did tell him I’d think it great to ask my dad for his blessing but didn’t care either way.

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