(Closed) Did he ask your dad?

posted 11 years ago in Family
  • poll: Did he ask your dad (or your mom or other close relative)

    He did and I wanted him to

    He did and I did not care either way

    He did not and I wanted him to

    He did not and I did not care either way

    He did and I did not want him to

    He did not and I did not want him to

    Other - please explain

  • Post # 99
    Bee
    1022 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

    This thread is so interesting! Mr. HC “asked” both my parents separately (they are divorced) and I know that they both REALLY appreciated it.  For my dad, I’m his baby girl, and this was a big deal for him.  He didn’t need to be asked permission per se, but rather his blessing (or something like that – “blessing” sounds too religious).  My mom cried when Mr. HC called her (we were living far away at the time, the phone was the only option).  We didn’t need “permission” but this tradition was meaningful for my family, and felt that it was respectful from Mr. HC – if it makes a difference, he called his own parents as well (though his mom didn’t tell his dad for a while because she was worried he couldn’t keep a secret!)  I was happy that he did.  We are Jewish and varying levels of observant, and mostly east coasters, so I don’t think this was a factor.

    Post # 100
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Personally I don’t like this tradition. If it’s a sign of respect/sweet gesture when a guy asks the girl’s dad/parents, why isn’t the girl expected to ask the guy’s parents for their blessing/approval too?

    My husband knew my opinion and didn’t ask. My parents wanted to be asked but they got over it. (:

    Post # 101
    Member
    3138 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

    Since I was 44 and he was 48 when we got engaged, I’m sure my dad would have thought it really strange if DH had asked him.  Heck, I would have thought it was strange if he had asked. 

    Post # 102
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I was on a trip away for the weekend and was scheduled to arrive home that evening. My parents came over to drop something off at our apartment, and my Fiance asked them to come inside. He said something like ” I’m going to ask Mrs.H2B to marry me tonight”…and showed them the ring. I always told him I wanted him to ask my parents but dad told me later … ” he more or less told us ” haha. 

    Post # 103
    Member
    86 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    @SoontobeMrsA: That is really adorable

    Post # 104
    Member
    64 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    He did not ask my dad, and this is the only thign I would have changed about our engagement.  I feel like it’s the one time my dad gets to be “in” on something with 3 daughters.  Only one SIL asked, and I really wish my Fiance would have as well.  He thought that it wasn’t encessary since we lived together and we had his blessing for that.  I wish he would have had that experience wtih my dad who I adore.

    Post # 105
    Member
    6414 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2012

    My Fiance ‘told’ my grandmother but didn’t really ask or anything… I never met my father and I rarely talk to my mother so my grandmother is closest just because we live 20 minutes apart… He didn’t even tell his mom till 2 weeks after he proposed lol

    Post # 106
    Member
    327 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    My Fiance was back in MN for work, where my parents live. He invited my parents to join him in Minneapolis for a nice dinner and asked their permission! (They live about 1.5 hours south.) I never expected him to ask, but it was certainly sweet that he did!

    Post # 107
    Member
    748 posts
    Busy bee

    He asked my dad and my dad was so thrilled that he did, my dad even called his mom immediately afterwards to tell her that my FH had asked.

    Post # 108
    Member
    8246 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    DH asked my dad!

    I voted that I wanted him to but I don’t feel like “wanted” is the right word because I wouldn’t have been at all upset if he hadn’t.  But I have always thought that is a really sweet tradition (and no – I don’t think it makes me seem like property) and was happy that DH did ask.

    ETA: He wasn’t super serious about it or anything which I think makes it even cuter.  He asked my dad if he had earned enough “dad points” to ask his daughter to marry him! 🙂

    Also – DH was asking for blessing, not permission.  It’s not like he would have not proposed had my dad said no.

    Post # 109
    Member
    524 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    He absolutely did not.  When we first started getting serious, Fiance had expressed a desire to do so, but he grew up in a pretty traditional family and had some pretty traditional views on marriage.  But he knew that it was not at all something that I was comfortable with/wanted.  I jokingly told him that if he asked my dad first, then I would say no.  In all seriousness, though, if he had asked (permission/blessing/whatever) I would have been really upset.

    Post # 110
    Member
    1485 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    My DH spoke with my dad a few months before he proposed.  I won’t say he ‘asked,’ more like informed him he was planning on proposing and asked for his blessing.  My dad said he has ‘never been able to speak for me’ but since he was rather certain I was going to say yes, he’d gladly give his blessing.  Then he kissed FI’s hand. 

    I loved hearing that story.  I am really glad he asked and I know it meant a lot to my dad also.  My dad is religious, but we are not from the South.

    Post # 111
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee

    Neither of our dads are in the picture, but he didn’t ask my mom, and I didn’t mind. He told his mom he was going to ask, though!

    Post # 112
    Member
    660 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    He didn’t and i’m glad. This isn’t back in the day where a guy would give a girl’s dad some goats and a chicken for the honour of marrying his daughter. I am a person, I can make my own choices and this is between the two of us. Plus my dad would have been like, ‘why the hell are you asking me?OF COURSE, just give me grandbabies!”

    Post # 113
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    He did ask my dad.  I hadn’t thought about whether I wanted him to or not, but I’m glad he did!

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