(Closed) Did he ask your father first??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@brandybelle:  Yes, this!

Truth is, I’d be kind of irritated if he did ask.

Post # 33
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

He did not, and I did not care. We talked about it before hand and I told him I wouldn’t be upset if he did, but I didn’t really have any desire for him to talk to him. My dad has lived across the country for 14 years and isn’t really any sort of authority figure in my life. Probably would have made my dad happy if he had, but doesn’t bother me at all.

Post # 34
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@TwoCityBride:  +1. I am not going to be “given away” either. I’m all for personal choice, though and was supportive when my friend wanted to be walked down the aisle by her dad. No biggie. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 35
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Yes he did, and I think my Dad was very honoured that he did. He kind of knew, my Fiance (at the time) called him up and asked if he could come over for a chat. ๐Ÿ™‚ But my now Husband is very adament that he didn’t ask, he told. He said “I love your daughter very much, and I’m going to propose, and I’d like your blessing.” He says he would have proposed regardless.

I’m very glad he did, even though I’m 35. He also took my sister out for a drink (we are very close) and asked her if she would be okay with him being her brother in law. ๐Ÿ™‚

I really liked that he did all that. Meant a lot to me.

Post # 36
Member
1067 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yep, he did. But his parents and my parents are very traditional.

Post # 37
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Fiance did!!! i was 29 at the time, have 2 sons from a previous 9 yr relationship and he asked my father when he visited months before he asked me… i didnt know. He also asked my 9 yr old son if it was ok and if he could be his step dad and showed hiim the ring(FI’s grandmothers).

He was given permission!! We are the corney type so I thought it was lovely he did that!

Post # 38
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My Fiance didn’t. Not to be a B, but I would have been offended if he did. I hate to get all fem on eveyone, but really? To ask my father for permission? My fiance asked me if that was important to me, and my response was, “Uh, I’d be highly offended if you asked my dad for permission to marry me… gross.” It’s not done in my family and my dad would be offended by it as well.

Post # 39
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

To add on, I just really think the idea of permission is so strange. I mean, I’m an adult, wtf. I had a really hard time deciding to walk down the aisle with my parents. I’m choosing to walk with them in the end for formality’s sake, but it still feels creepy.

Post # 40
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@bella731:  

I was 29 years old when I met my hubby. Knowing I was no spring chicken I was glad to know that my then boyfriend agreed. It was very important to me that he ask for my grandfather and father’s blessing. I strongly believed that if I was being blinded by crazy emotions they would be able to discern any “red flags.” Plus I valued their opinions very much.

We went to a big family lunch in which my then boyfriend asked to speak with my father and grandfather alone. I was so nervous! Needless to say, he won their blessings and approval. They were very impressed by a “young man” who thought their opinion counted. My husband told them his intentions and why he wanted to marry me. It’s not a common thing I guess.

The rest is history! Embarassed

Post # 41
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@bella731:  

Also in regard to the wedding: I wanted both my grandfather and my father to be involved in giving me away. I had an outdoor wedding at my grandparents’ home. It felt like a romantic wedding in a forest. Very unique to me.

My grandfather drove a nice vehicle, with me in the back seat. We parked at the entrance, he helped me out where I met with my dad and then he walked me down the aisle. My grandfather was proud to be a part of it. And I love that I’ve made such an precious memory with the two men who have raised me!

Post # 42
Member
2190 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Mine asked. Well, it was more like he told him he was going to do it and asked if he had my father’s blessing. My dad said some really nice things to him. It wasn’t something I needed, but really appreciated the gesture. He didn’t include my stepmom because he knew the surprise would’ve been ruined in a matter of a few hours. ๐Ÿ™‚ He proposed the following morning so the secret didn’t get leaked. He didn’t even tell my girlfriends what he was planning. 

Post # 43
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

He didn’t. After we got engaged, we went to my parent’s house and he talked with my dad, but he didn’t ask beforehand and he didn’t ask for ‘permission’.

Post # 44
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Canal St Inn

Mine asked my brother for his blessing first, because he needed to get in touch with my dad and didn’t know his number. My brother said, “Of course”, called my dad, and told him he needed to call Fiance. My dad’s first words to him once he called were, “She’s not pregnant, is she?” (Classic Dad.) But he also, obviously, gave his blessing. At first I was a little conlficted about it. I was happy that he asked my family and cared about their feelings, but I felt I’m my own person, he should only worry about asking me. Ultimately, now, I don’t really care. I love him, and I’m lucky enough to have a family that loves him too.

Post # 45
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My Fiance asked my dad as they were sitting around the campfire on a fishing trip ๐Ÿ™‚  

Post # 46
Member
2552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

He did, even though it was literally 5 minutes before he proposed. I’m happy he asked since my dad is very traditional and it helped them to continue building a good relationship.

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