(Closed) Did he ask your parents’ permission to marry you?

posted 12 years ago in Family
  • poll: Did he ask your parents for permission to marry you?
    Yes, he asked permission, for their blessing, or otherwise informed them and I'm glad he did : (283 votes)
    68 %
    Yes, but I wish he hadn't...we are adults! : (2 votes)
    0 %
    No, and I'm glad he didn't...we are adults! : (93 votes)
    22 %
    No, but I wish he had asked or informed them : (24 votes)
    6 %
    Other (explain below) : (13 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 47
    Member
    277 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    No he did not ask – and to be honest I’m happy with that.  For one, my stepfather is deceased, plus I’m a very very independent person and I have never asked my mom for permission for anything so had he got some weird idea to ask her permission I think that would have been very odd and would have made me very uncomfortable…BUT if my stepdad was alive I’m fairly certain if he didn’t atleast talk to my dad about it or something he would have hurt him 🙂

    Post # 48
    Member
    445 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    When we were talking about getting engaged, I mentioned that Fiance should talk to my dad.  He did NOT want to.  (1) he’s shy, and (2) we’re in our 30s and (3) he said I was the one making the decision, not my dad.  I dropped the topic.  Then I mentioned the whole "get down on one knee" thing, which he also didn’t like.  He’s very modern, if you haven’t guessed!  Anyway, he said I could choose one – either he’d ask my dad, or he’d get on one knee.  I chose my dad.  I am disappointed that I didn’t get the cliched proposal, but at the same time I am glad Fiance stuck to his ideals.  I said yes, didn’t I?  🙂

    Post # 49
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    My parents speak mostly Spanish, so he learned how to ask for their blessing in Spanish and asked them both.

    Post # 50
    Member
    218 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    He didn’t ask.  It doesn’t bother me that he didn’t, but I think my dad would have really touched if he had and it would have been a nice moment for them.

    Post # 51
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee

    He asked my dad 2 weeks before proposing. After it happened and I found out my dad knew, I realized why I hadn’t really heard from my dad for those 2 weeks (he’s really bad at keeping secrets). Fiance asked my mom when she called to wish him a happy birthday (he proposed on his Bday which was also the 5th anniversary of our first date).

    Post # 52
    Member
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    My FH asked my Dad to go to lunch with him and apparently the conversation went like this:

    FH: So, you know why I’m here

    Dad: Yeah, sounds good to me

    FH: So, how about those "insert sports team here"

    Post # 53
    Member
    119 posts
    Blushing bee

    No he didn’t. And it might have been a dealbreaker for me if he had.

    I don’t want to judge anyone else’s decions on this, but I feel really strongly that I’m an adult and make my own decisions, without needing my parents’ approval. Luckily my parents feel the same way and would have been deeply offended if he had asked them first, as I am not their property.

    Whe we first started talking about getting married I told my fiance (then boyfriend) that I would be seriously angry if he asked permission of my parents.

    Post # 54
    Member
    1018 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2010

    It’s a sweet gesture in some families and traditions but would have been WEIRD in mine! My sister even asked my mom if she wanted Mr.Rain to ask their permission and she got a really weird look and a, "Why would we want that? They are adults… that would be weird!"

    We’re not officially engaged yet, but both of our families know we are getting married, and when the engagement is official we will get to make some very exciting phone-calls to both sides!

    Post # 55
    Member
    329 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    Yes, he asked. And my super non-traditional dad was thoroughly confused. he’s like, shouldn’t you be asking HER? haha

    Post # 56
    Member
    2856 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    The day before the engagement, my Fiance did drive up to my parents house to ask for their blessing and I had no idea. See we live 1.5 hrs away from my parents but his company does have a client out there so I was totally fooled when he said he had to go up there for work. I told him he should stop by their house and have dinner. My Mom was always asking him to do so when he was in the area. Anyway, he ended up going there and my Mom cooked up dinner for them and during the dinner he told them his intentions… I heard my Mom was bawling like a baby !

    I am so glad that he requested their blessing because this was one thing my Dad had asked for when it came to his girls getting married. He is traditional that way. So it was very respectful for my Fiance to do that. Brownie points!!

    Post # 57
    Member
    1514 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    My fiance did not.  He had not even met them yet at the point we got married.  I had already been married once and I have lived on my own for 10 years, so this tradition was totally over for me.  He did ask my daughters though and that’s what was important to me.

    Post # 58
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    No, he didn’t ask permission. He didn’t actually tell a single soul he was doing it.

    I don’t know, in a way I think I may have wanted him to ask my parents but then again, I dont think it’s a big deal.

    I think my dad would be like Katrinab’s dad and be very confused why this guy is asking such a stupid question.

    Post # 59
    Member
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    He said he would ask their permission if he gets a goat in the deal (joke) about how old school this tradition is. It really has nothing to do with respect, as it has more to do with the business of compensation. Taking a wife was expensive.

    My parents expressed that they would love to be asked prior to – but I told them to not expect this because I think it’s a lame tradition because it holds to weight in today’s family dynamic. Once I was engaged, I kept it a secret from everyone for 2 days. I wanted to enjoy it with just the two of us before the chaos began and the pressure for details.

    Post # 60
    Member
    15 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Yes he did and it was extremely special! 

    February 2nd was a Monday and my birthday.  We had plans to go to dinner and I thought maybe he might do it, but then again I thought it would be too obvious of a time and didn’t think he would get a hold of my Dad who lives in another time zone and is a teacher (so it’s hard to reach him during the day). 

    HOWEVER, he did call my Dad and get a hold of him (actually my Dad saw the missed call from him and thought something must have happened so called Fiance right back) – and got my Dad’s blessing.

    My mom and step dad already knew it would happen and we already had their blessing because we are very close to them.

    Then the best part was he also went to my Grandpa’s house and talk with him!  I am extremely close to my Grandpa so it brought tears to my eyes to know he took the time to talk to go over and show my grandpa the ring and talk with him about it.  Although it was special he called my Dad, it was more special he asked my Grandpa. 

    SO glad he did it traditional!

    Post # 61
    Member
    3162 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    My Fiance asked me whether he should ask my father – he felt like he should – and I was very adamantly against it. It’s a running joke in my family that I’ve been saying "You’re not the boss of me!" since I learned to talk, and really it’s true. I’m very independent and I’ve never been one to seek their approval or permission to do anything. We are very close, don’t get me wrong, but they know me and basically know that I do what I want, when I want, and they either agree with my decisions or get out of the way. That’s how we roll. Also, my Dad isn’t a very emotional guy. Even if he was touched or it meant a lot to him, he wouldn’t show like one iota of emotion on his face. There would probably be some sort of manly handshake. I feel like it would have been awkward. But he and my Fiance are totally cool with each other and chat and we laugh and have a good time whenever we all get together, it’s just that in situations such as the whole asking for permission thing, I don’t think my dad would know what to do with himself!

    If it bothered them, they’ve never said anything about it and they both love him and are very excited. So, per usual, I win

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