Post # 121
To catch everyone up to speed who has commented on the last few days (because this is a LONG thread and honestly I can’t even remember what all I said in previous comments):
We have been in marriage counseling since January. Additionally, he has been in individual counseling since January. I am going to start individual counseling in a few weeks, because I’m mentally having a harder time than I thought.
I 100% consider this cheating now, it’s not even a question to me anymore. It took a LOT of work to have him see it that way – SO much gaslighting and minimizing in the beginning of our counseling – but he finally is realizing how much he hurt me and we are on more of the same page now.
He has done a lot of exploring and deep digging in individual counseling as well. He has identified a lot of factors that led him down this path, and has finally come to terms with the fact that he probably has porn addiction (which, you know, I’ve only been telling him for YEARS to no avail.)
Post # 122
Hey Bee, what a tough situation! You’ve been dealing with it all with such grace. I think it’s great that you are going to counseling too to help you deal with everything.
stay strong and look after yourself. None of us say for sure what we would do in your shoes or will know what’s right for you. Just know there is a supportive community here rooting for you, whichever path you take. I can understand not wanting to give up on a marriage too quickly, and I know it easy for strangers to just tell you to get divorced but it’s always a complicated decision. So do what is right for you guys. I hope that honest, open communication can help you come to terms with your DH’s betrayal while he works on himself to free himself of this addiction amd works to gain your trust again. I know from a friend’s experience how truly damaging a porn addiction can be.
Big hug bee! And thanks for keeping us updated!!
Post # 123
bewitched : I agree with you, every couple has their own standards that they respect so that the other person feels comfortable- it’s a spectrum and some people are more leninent. There is a problem here in communication and expectations and it needs to be resolved for things to work.