(Closed) Did he really just say that?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Sounds like y’all need to have a serious talk about gender roles, marriage, and expectations!!! I think my head would explode if my husband told me I would “have to” make him breakfast.

Post # 4
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Are you sure he wasn’t joking? My fiance says this kind of thing all the time but knows that I’d laugh in his face if he were ever serious. Just like you, I don’t mind doing things but never tell me that it’s my job because i’m the woman. Make sure and let him know how you feel so he knows it’s not okay.

Post # 5
Member
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would be cranky about it too. But maybe you can use this as an opportunity to bridge some of the gap?  Being a mom is a full time job, so he should share some of the household responsibilities with you.  Maybe you could teach him a few simple dishes?  Or you could cook a meal together at night that he could heat it up in the morning so you don’t have to wake up just to cook for him.

Best of luck with your upcoming wedding!

Post # 6
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It would irk me too. My SO taught me how to make cuban style coffee, when he started asking me to fetch him coffee I gave him a (gentle not real) smack upside the head. If he can make eggs and (I’m assuming) toast he can fend for himself, lol, especially when you’re busy with the baby. Guys love being fed, so he’s probably just thinking “Yes! She can make me breakfast now! Awesome! I like food.” not so much “It’s her duty as a wife to feed me! Do it now!” which would be a problem.

ETA: Like the other posters are saying, if it comes up again or it’s really bothering you, just clear it up with him about what he really expects.

Post # 7
Member
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Please talk about gender roles and expectations in marriage before you actually get married.

Post # 8
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

You job as a Stay-At-Home Mom is just as important as his job and keeps you just a busy. I’d have a talk about it with him. He’s a grown man that can make his own eggs, lol.

Fiance and I went through pre-martial counseling as a requirement of the church, and it helped us define our roles in the household and a a man and woman. It has helped us better communicate the daily chores and tasks.

Post # 9
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Oh girl I’d feel exactly the same way!  There is no way anyone, whether fiance, husband or relative tells me “I will” do anything!  It’s time you sit down and have a talk about roles and his expectations for you.  Just because you stay home with your child doesn’t mean you should be expected to make breakfast for your hubby.  If you are fine with doing so, that’s one thing, but for it to be expected is another.  If you’re already annoyed with it, things will only escalate.  Time to sit down and talk about it now.. 🙂  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee

Fiance tried that ONE time. ONE.

Cut that sh*t out real quick.

Also, he’s the one who does all the cooking anyway. Lol. And he was joking when he made the initial remark.

Post # 11
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I would laugh at my FI’s face if he expects me to cook him breakfast every morning! lol and he knows it too.  He says this sometimes, but jokingly like “make me breakfast woman, it’s your duty!” but with a smile on his face.  We take turns on the weekends, and pretty much on our own on weekdays since we both work pretty early.

Post # 13
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry but I would have to agree with most of you only on ONE thing! Nobody should be told to do something. It should be asked. (but also, I wonder if he said it in a joking manner too, “if you don’t want me to spend money on breakfasts, then making my breakfast in the morning will help me not spend money”)

Post # 14
Member
986 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Is there anything he does for you regularly? 

 

I know Fiance everyday gets up and makes me coffee and breakfast.   I’m spoiled.   Of course, I do all the housework, laundry and other cooking.  But in the end it all balances.   He takes car of the cars and a few other things.

Post # 15
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

I’d buy him a box of cereal.

Post # 16
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Assuming he’s trying to ask you to make him breakfast, I would definitely discuss with him appropriate ways to phrase a request. When Darling Husband and I started living together, and I would ask him if he wanted lunch b/c I was making it, he would say things like “I’ll take a sandwich” rather than “Could you please make me a sandwich.” I have him ask again, or he can make it himself. Once I hand him his food, I insist on a “thank you” because it’s courtesy and I don’t HAVE to do anything for him. He’s catching on, and has better etiquette around other people now too.

If he’s not requesting, I agree with PP’s that you should be having an open and honest conversation about gender roles and expectations prior to marriage.

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