Post # 1
Six weeks ago I received a wedding invitation from my cousin. The rsvp was for my husband, me and our two grown children, ages 19 and 23. I sent the reply back right away and asked if it would be ok for my daughter’s boyfriend to attend if my son would not be coming? Ok, ok, I now know that was not the thing to do and I regret putting them in that awkward position. At the time I didn’t think it was a big deal. I wanted to give them a head count as to how many were coming from my household. My cousin and his now bride met the Boyfriend once before a year ago, so yes, he is nearly a stranger to them.
So, I didn’t hear from my cousin. My son knew he wasn’t going to the wedding so my daughter’s boyfriend bought a shirt and tie for the event and requested the day off from work so he could attend.
Two hours before the wedding my cousin called me and asked if my son was coming. When I told him no, he asked me not to bring the boyfriend as he didn’t want “random strangers” attending his wedding. Two hours before!
I was furious. I am still furious. It was their wedding day though. I un-invited the boyfriend. My husband, daughter and I attended.
I need some perspective on this! I am so mad at my cousin but do I have any right to be? I am sorry I put him in a bind but for him to call two hours before the ceremony??
Post # 3
@vineyard101: Well, you knew what your etiquette faux pas was (but I still don’t think it was that bad!) but there’s was a step worse.
Post # 4
Ya you should not have asked that and I totally see where your cousin is coming from about having random strangers at what is supposed to be an intimate and special day..BUT the way they did it…two hours before the wedding? that is seriously rude and there is no excuse for not being able to let you know earlier…who is even thinking about that two hours before they walk down the aisle!?
Post # 5
So they saw your question but didn’t acknowledge it until 2 hours before the wedding? I guess you could have followed up, but I’d have done the same – assume it was ok if they didn’t say anything. 2 hours before the wedding who is so petty to call and un-invite people?
Post # 6
Bad etiquette on both parts but at this point what can you do about it? It’s really probably not worth being mad about
Post # 7
Well, the initial wrong was for you to have invited a substitute guest. But they compounded the wrongness by telling you not to bring the boyfriend a mere 2 hours before the event.
I would call this a tie, and both sides should issue apologies and let it go.
Post # 8
I agree with you that you may have overstepped boundaries by asking if someone else could take your son’s place at the wedding, however, all brides on here know darn well that you are planning things like seating charts, escort cards, etc. well before 2 hours prior to the wedding! They should have expressed their concerns long before that time so that you could plan accordingly. And why on earth a groom has time to even think about such a trivial thing TWO HOURS before the wedding is beyond me!
Post # 9
I don’t really think you can be mad at them. It’s weird that they called on that short of notice, and they probably should’ve let it go, but it was their day after all. I don’t think you can be furious…just minorly irritated, but nothing terrible happened, so time to forget about it. Life isn’t worth being furious about etiquette 🙂
Post # 10
@mspartridge: HA! A tie – that’s perfect, I like it!
Post # 11
I agree with PPs. There should have been better communication on everyone’s part. If I were your cousin though, there’s no way I would have waited that long to tell you the boyfriend couldn’t come.
Post # 12
Although they should have acknowledged it before, and you should have followed up earlier, I think they were well within their rights to say no. At this point let it go.
Post # 13
I also think that it’s weird that they followed up so late. However I don’t think it right of you to assume the boyfriend was invited. When you have limited space it make more sense to give your son’s place to a friend of theirs rather then to someome who is a stranger to them. I can see you being annoyed, but being furious over this is a bit much. Boyfriend wasn’t invited and should have not assumed it was ok without confirmation from the couple. I would have called to follow up before allowing him to take a day off from work.
Post # 14
I think it is ruder for you to have substituted a guest then for them to request him not to come personally.
Post # 15
Yeah, you were in the wrong here. They should have gotten back to you sooner, but people planning weddings are busy, and they probably assumed you would think the answer was no if you didn’t hear in th affirmative. I don’t want random strangers at my wedding either! I am inviting specific people, I’m not doling out seats freely.
Post # 16
Normally I’m a stickler for etiquette, but you did ASK if he could come. You didn’t assume and you didn’t take up a place that wasn’t already offered. Both of you were wrong, but in my eyes, they are more wrong. lol. They knew what they were doing when they waited until last minute like that. The thing that bothers me most is, they were mad at you for asking but they really just inconvenienced your daughter’s bf who spent money to buy clothes to attend the wedding and took time off work. Getting married isn’t an excuse to be rude.
At this point, though, you should really just move on. There isn’t a whole lot you can do now.