- 4 years ago
I know I have listed my issue under Family-Wedding Related, but admittedly it is not wedding related at all (well at least to my knowledge. But I would greatly appreciate any incite that you all may have to offer).
So to make a long story (kind of) short: 1. I am currently living in the city of my extended family, i.e. aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins 2. I use to visit this city alll the time growing up for holidays, vacations, etc. so I am no stranger 3. I have a male cousin that is my age who has a long term girl friend that all the family considers apart of the family at this point 4. When I first moved here for graduate school I would hang out with this cousin and his gf and one or two other friends all the time 5. Last spring/summer I noticed a change in the frequency by which we all hung out, but I chalked it up as it is summer time and I was just more available being out of school so it seemed like we weren’t hanging out as much 6. Autumn, Spring, and now summer is passing me by and I can count on ONE hand how many times we have gotten together to do anything.
ISSUE: This has made me very lonely. Forget outside friends for a moment and really help me figure out why they don’t call to do anything any more…let alone check to see if I’m alive and well! I know they are still having game nights and going to the movies, concerts, to the beach because whenever we do finally get together at like a family holiday function or something of the sort they say what they have been up to like it is normal for me not to be invited or as if I live out of town. WHAT DID I MISS? For the sake of humor…I don’t stink, I’m not ugly, lol. When we used to do stuff all the time we had fun, so I am really confused as to why I’m no longer apart of the group, or should I say a regular in the group. Every blue moon (maybe twice) I get invited out when I just happen to call and ask some pertinant family info and he or she will be like “oh we are going to blah blah this weekend, you should come.” If I hadnt called I doubt I would have gotten the invite at all. They use to call maybe on Thursday or Friday afternoon to say what we could do during the weekend, but not anymore. Or I would call them. But to honest I don’t really do that anymore because I either dont get a reponse or have made plans that I couldn’t possibly be apart of on such short notice.
Prime example of the latter was my last birthday. I wanted to have a bday dinner at a nice restaurant with family and my best friend that came in town. I let every one know this is what I wanted weeks ahead of time. Two weeks before my bday they (first time in forever) invited me over for games to celebrate my cousins birthday. I reminded mutual guests/friends individually “hey my dinner is coming up.” My bday rolls around and guess what my cousin, gf, and those friends all on a whim decide to go to their college homecoming. My cousin tells me maybe we can do something next weekend….”its nothing to throw together a game night” he says. Problem was that next weekend I WAS going to be out of town for my own homecoming….something I told them about already; way in advance. He says…oh well maybe next time. After that we didn’t even see eachother again for several months!
Becaus he is a guy cousin and may lack some sensitivty or emotional intuition I don’t know if he realizes that how I’ve been treated these 9-10 months suck. If in fact he doesnt realize this, I don’t know how or if I should bring it up considering I dont want to sound desperate for their friendship and comradere (though I kind of am) OR have my feelings dismissed like “oh dont be so sensitive.”
1. What could I have done wrong, if anything?
2. Do I have reason to be upset/sad with him/them?
3. Should I/How can I fix it?