(Closed) Did i do something wrong?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should I have invited her?
    yes : (1 votes)
    2 %
    no : (65 votes)
    98 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think you had any obligation to invite her to your stagette. That’s who you want to hang out with that night, and I’m with you in that I wouldn’t want to hear about her and my man being together either.

    You do need to include her in the wedding invite though…especially b/c she was invited to your shower and her and FI’s best friend are married. I know you didn’t ask, but thought I’d mention.

    Post # 4
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think that you need to start thinking of her as the spouse of a friend rather than Fi’s ex.  Both of them obviously found other people and are happy!  I don’t think you’re overreacting, but I definitely think you shouldn’t dwell on it!  I wouldn’t discuss my previous sex life with someone who might be affected by it and I’m sure she feels that way too.  On the other hand, don’t force a friendship if there isn’t one there.  If you two don’t hang out on a regular basis, I don’t see why she has to be at the stagette.

    Post # 5
    Member
    384 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I voted no, but really what’s done is done.  I think you should probably invite her to any “couples” event that her husband is invited to, but going forward, I wouldn’t invite her to anything by herself.

    Post # 6
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I think that it’s great you are trying to be nice to her and befriend her when the occasion rises, but that doesn’t mean you have to be BFFs with her.  If you don’t want to invite her to your stagette party then don’t.  On the other issue of it being akward when you see her you think of “them” I think you should undertand that he left her and he picked you.  You are the better girl to him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.  As hard as it may be try to not let it bother you and slowly I’m sure things will get more comfortable. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    3125 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2009

    wedding, sure you have to invite her. your own bachelorette? nah, don’t worry about it. You’re not actually friends.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5978 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Got it! Just making sure you weren’t contemplating booting her (I would want to!!)

    I don’t think you guys necessarily need to be best friends either. I think you did your part by inviting her to the shower. She doesn’t have to be included in every aspect of your wedding, so have a fun night with your girls, and a night of from having to worry about the awkwardness. You’ll have plenty of chances to hang out with her in the future when the 4 of you see each other.

    Post # 10
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Rule of thumb: If you are reminded of anyone your FI has slept with, you are going to feel awkward. The problem is, she’s your FI’s best friend new SO. I wouldn’t go out of my way to invite her or be friends with her. When you cross paths, you cross paths. Personally, I would feel disgusted seeing her and knowing my FI made love to her at one point. Ugh. Sorry. True.

    Post # 12
    Member
    516 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I don’t know I wouldn’t feel the need to consider her a friend. I wouldn’t have been inviting her anywhere.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1545 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    That would be a BIG OLE N-O from me. I totally get where you are coming from and I wouldnt want to feel uncomfortable at my own wedding/shower.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2015 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    No need to invite her to the stagette, and those are usually just close friends and family only. Showers are different in that acquaintances are also usually invited. 

    But, as someone who has hung out with my husband’s previous ex’s, I would offer friendly advice that you try to get over it. They’re each with other people and happy. Yes, it bothers me to sometimes think about my husband with his previous ex’s, but then I realize that it’s silly because everyone has a past, usually sexual, and it’s something you just accept.

    Find comfort in the fact that this girl seems to be really annoying. You’re obviously the better choice 🙂 You don’t have to be BFF, just friendly.

    Post # 16
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Have fun and don’t feel like you did ANYTHING wrong. If FI brings it up again, I always do the “what if it was you” thing. What if FI had to sit through hours of “socializing” with you and one of your ex’s? Knowing you two had made love before? 🙂

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