Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
Hi y’all!
im 25 years old and I just ended my engagement with the man I was with for the past five years and I’m wondering if it was the right thing to do.
I loved this man more than anything and truly believed he was the one, over the past five years we had some issues and things that have broken my trust. We were mostly long distance (he’s in the military) and I always had these gut feelings that he was being shady and seeing other girls while he was away.. my gut was always right I always found Facebook messages from other girls (I shouldn’t snoop I know) so this happened early on in our relationship and continued when I was 21,22,23,now,25. Every time I confronted him he told me it wasn’t him talking to the girl it was his friend using his Facebook to talk to her, or that what I was reading never really happened. One time we both didn’t have Facebook and he was acting super distant and I felt like maybe he deactivated his fb and so I reactivated mine, sure enough he had and then I found out he was messaging another girl from back home (my home town) asking her to come visit him (he was in SoCal stationed at the time) asked for her number, talked to her about how they used to have so much fun together.. my stomach went sick and I confronted him (the previous night he was reassuring me he loved me so much and he would be with me forever While He was talking to this other girl!) when I confront him he breaks up with me and doesn’t apologize, he denies it and cuts me cold turkey and my world spins thinking I just lost the greatest thing. Fast forward a few months and I take him back like an idiot and he’s over at my house and leaves his phone.. so I scroll back to the date of when we broke up to a convo he had with his buddy.. the convo was a screen shot of me calling him out about the fb messages and he goes to his bud “deny everything” and then says “whatever man I’ve screwed ten girls since I’ve been with her I deserve it” I see that statement and My stomach is sick. I called him out and he says it’s not true I just said that because I was hurt about hurting you. I forgive him… fast forward two years and he proposes to me. All seems dandy and we seemed so solid and so on the same page. Every once in awhile I catch him in stupid white lies but cheating was the last thing on my brain…
then he deploys and (this is his last year in the military we had been doing this distance for five years) I get a text from one of his buddies back home (one of our mutual friends) saying that he cheated on me a week before he proposed and I deserve to know since I’ve always been loyal and always been waiting for him. He sends me he screen shots of my fiancé claiming to have had sex with this girl and his bud goes was she at least good looking? And my fiancé goes “I’d do it again” this destroyed me. All these years and this is what I get. Saying it out loud I know it was right to walk away but it hurts so bad. I confront my fiancé and at first (before i show him the messages as proof) he tells me I’m crazy to believe that, why would he ever do that, it’s completely absurd blah blah so then i send the messages and he says “it’s not true I was just drunk and texted him that it never happened idk why I say stupid things when I’m drunk” and then he just left me. No fight for me, nothing.
Its been three months and he just reached out to me over email and claimed again it’s not true and that he was destroyed when he lost me, when I asked why he didn’t even bother fighting for me if he was supposed to be my future husband why wasn’t I worth the fight? He said I did this. He said “you gave back the ring you walked away not me I didn’t do this”
didi I make a huge mistake that cost me my best friend and husband???
Post # 2
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
I think you did the right thing.
Post # 4
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
You did the right thing. No one needs that kind of negativity in their life! There is a man out there who will treat you right!
Post # 5
Member
4662 posts
Honey bee
I think you did the right thing too. That said, only you know in your heart.
Post # 6
Member
340 posts
Helper bee
You did the right thing.
Move on and find a guy that actually cares and respect you. This guy doesn’t. Otherwise why else is he constantly cheating on you and only come back a few months later after getting caught? Cut contact with him and focus on yourself.
Post # 7
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
elizabmac123 : you did the right thing. He is very manipulative and tries to change things to make it seem like its your fault and that you are imagining things. You are not imagining things. He is lying to you. You don’t want to deal with this the rest of your life if you decided not to leave. You would constantly be wondering what he is doing or if he was lying to you. You wouldn’t have a safe foundation, as the relationship on his end has been nothing but lies and cheating. You didn’t have concrete proof and that’s why he tried to make it seem like it didn’t happen or he was lying. Even when you did have some sort of proof he lied about it and put it on drinking, you and his friend. Trust your gut and keep moving forward. He even tried to blame you for the break up as if he has done nothing. He caused the breakup. He’s the reason you are not together.
Post # 8
Member
267 posts
Helper bee
You 100% did the right thing. Being married to someone in the military is hard enough without trust issues on top of everything. You’ve caught him cheating so many times and he doesn’t own up to it or try to work on himself – he just gaslights you and makes you feel crazy. These are not the actions of a good man. Stay strong! You’ll find someone who IS worth your loyalty. The only thing you’ll regret in a few years is not breaking things off with him sooner.
Post # 9
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
Yes, you definitely did the right thing. How unfair to you, who has been loyal all this time through long distance, to be cheated on again and again and then lied to about it. LDRs are HARD and he doesn’t deserve you waiting on him when he’s been nothing but unfaithful. Block him and try to move on! I was in an LDR with my Darling Husband, he was also military. I’ve loved him very much for so long but would have left in an instant if I suspected he was cheating on me. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t have cheated so many times.
Post # 10
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
Of course you did the right thing! Why would you be questioning that? He’s not a good man. And once you give yourself some time to heal you’ll see you didn’t lose anything by dumping him.
Post # 11
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
100 percent right thing to do!
Post # 12
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
110% did the right thing. A cheating leopard can’t change his cheating spots.
Post # 13
Member
1949 posts
Buzzing bee
I wish I could be more understanding, but it’s quite obvious that this guy has cheated on you for the entirety of your relationship and would continue to do so if you stayed with him. Why would you possibly want to be with him? Block him on all social media. Block his number. Block his email. Move on, and never ignore such blatant signals again.
Yes, you did the right thing. The only thing you did wrong was waiting so long to do it, and not sticking to it when you left before.
Post # 14
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
You did the right thing. He’s nothing more than pond scum and men who know that they can get away with that kind of behavior will do it Forever. It sucks but the guy never really loved you, you were just his go to when he was home. He was not the one and he never will be, you deserve a guy who respects you.
Post # 15
Member
619 posts
Busy bee
A promise of marriage from a cheater is not a promise of future fidelity. You are moving on to better things, and when you’re ready to date again you’ll listen to what your gut tells you!
Member