(Closed) Did I do the right thing? LONG

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3162 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think you handled it perfectly. Sounds like, from your original MOH’s email, she was kind of looking for an out anyway. I think you’re totally fine.

Post # 4
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think that was a great response. Her email seemed to indicate that a) she didn’t remember being asked or b) was hoping that by giving you the opening, she could get out of being Maid/Matron of Honor. And this way, you know that you’ll have people who are excited about your day planning the events leading up to it.

And I’m not having a Maid/Matron of Honor either – I’m pairing up my girls with the dudes by height. I didn’t want to pick and it seemed like an easy solution.

Post # 5
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

Great response!  I am glad that it seemed to work out on both sides 🙂

Post # 6
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You handled it beautifully. That e-mail is very well worded.

Post # 7
1392 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010 - Heron Hill Winery

I think it was worded well and that you were tasteful in your decision..It almost sounds like your friend no longer wanted the role!

Post # 9
368 posts
Helper bee

I’m gonna take the opposite side and say that you should have NOT handled this through email. I know communication with her might be difficult, but there are SO MANY opportunities to mis-read emails. I had a difficult issue come up with a Bridesmaid or Best Man and thought about contacting her via email, but I owed it to myself, and to her, to talk face-to-face. It made the world of difference!! I know face-to-face is uncomfortable and confrontational, but you owe it to your friendship to not disguise true feelings or leave underlying meanings in an email messages. Just my opinion.

Post # 10
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it worked out well. The only thing I would add is call around and find out who is excited about doing what in the planning process. By actually not going with titles, maybe your sister with the baby would be interested in a shower, while your unmarried friends/sisters would like to plan the bachelorette.

Post # 11
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You definitely did the right thing. Honestly, it sounds like the friend was looking for an “out” of the title, and she probably just realized you guys were kind of growing apart.

That was a great response back to her. Kudos!

Post # 12
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I kinda had to deal with this situation.

I have two sisters and I couldn’t choose between the 2 of them on who would be the Maid/Matron of Honor.

I chose a good friend.

Well, a few months after I chose my friend, I noticed we were drifting apart. I start to regret my decision to choose my friend. Plus, around the same time, my younger sister started pissing me off.  So I was really doubting my decision not to make my older sister the Maid/Matron of Honor.

Also, my friend who was my Maid/Matron of Honor, did send me a message about if I wanted to make one of my sisters a Maid/Matron of Honor.  I sent her back a message the reasons why I wanted her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.

All and all, it turned out ok.

I did talk to my older sister about how I was regretting making my friend a Maid/Matron of Honor instead of her and her words of advice were that– look at who she chose for her Maid/Matron of Honor at her wedding, she hardly talks to that person anymore.  She told me not to worry about regretting who I chose.  Friendships change all the time… but just remember why you chose her in the first place. 

That’s what I did… instead of causing drama to change my Maid/Matron of Honor. plus possibly hurting MOH’s feelings.

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