Did I do the right thing? Possibly long.

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
10028 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

BeeinBlush :  I agree with everyone that she is so lucky to have you in her life!  She will understand that in your circumstance you are not abandoning her but doing the best you can for both of you.  This is actually a good lesson in healthy boundaries for her.  You’re still providing love, support and advice.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 17
Member
6095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I vote you did the right thing as well. And, positively, it sounds like she realizes she needs to make some changes in her choices and actions, so that’s really good. It would be more of a disservice to you, your baby, your husband AND to her to move her across the country to a place where she doesn’t know anyone but you, effectively making her dependent on you when what she needs right now is to feel like she has the capacity to take charge of her life and make better choices.

I’d also be curious to know why her grandmother is threatening to kick her out. Did she move back home and expects to still come and go and behave like an adult? Is she being disrespectful? Is she not contributing? I would want to know what’s happening there because it seems like there’s probably more to that story.

Post # 18
Member
4689 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

You did the right thing. Don’t doubt it.

Post # 19
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee

BeeinBlush :  I was so terrified that you’d told her yes, I held my breath until I saw the last paragraph of your post. YES YOU DID THE RIGHT THING! You don’t need the added stress of taking care of a fully capable adult human being, as well as carrying a baby (for whom you are *actually* responsible) and trying to maintain your mental health and sanity all at the same time. 

 

You can help her in other ways, like by suggesting therapy (and maybe even going with her!), but you don’t owe her the home and life you’ve built for yourself and your family. Be a friend. It’s truly the most you can extend to her at this point without sacrificing your own health.

Post # 25
Member
2232 posts
Buzzing bee

BeeinBlush :  you truly sound like an angel. I wish all girls could have role models and a support system as strong as you’ve been offering all these years. If it is of any consolation, rather than wondering if you’re doing the “right” thing (you are), just know that you’re offering more than enough as a role model and friend ❤️

Post # 27
Member
668 posts
Busy bee

Definitely did the right thing. My professional licensure is in the social services field. I know how sometimes you want to help young people personally like in our homes. Like “it’d be so easy to just take you home for dinner because you need a good meal. But I need to teach you where you can go to get these things for yourself, otherwise I’ll end up making you dependent on me.” We have to keep boundaries and you did exactly that. I know she’s not your client but the same applies. We can help them find resources and referrals to agencies who can help. There’s always a chance that someone is also not being truthful and will try to manipulate you. Which is something of course to keep in the back of your head always. It’s not a great thought but it’s realistic, especially with someone with an active substance abuse problem. I’m sure it was a really hard thing to tell her no, but it’s what both you and she needed. 

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