(Closed) Did I do the right thing to not invite my cousin?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Special needs or not it sounds as if your cousin in dangerous to both adult and child alike. That is another issues entirely and I would probably have done the same in your situation.

As the host you are responsible for people’s comfort and safety. Inviting a known violent person is not a great idea.

Post # 4
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Based on what you’ve said here, I think you did the right thing. I normally side with including as much family as possible, for better or for worse, but it sounds like your cousin has a history of unpredictable, unchecked behavior that can be harmful. 

This post just makes me sad for your cousin. It sounds like maybe he’s not getting the care / treatment that he deserves in order to help him successfully integrate with society.

Post # 5
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

On the one hand, you know everyone will be watching him like a hawk here, where they are prewarned about his behavior so I strongly doubt he’d have the chance to act inappropriately towards your niece.  (It helps the niece is old enough you can actually tell her not to go off alone with him.)  On the other hand, why invite someone you don’t want at the wedding?  Either answer I think is appropriate, so stick to your guns.  It sounds like you may have to uninvite the aunt as well, if she can’t pull it together!  Do have some compassion for her, I’m sure it hurts her to know that he acts this way and thus, she deals with it by denying it happens.  I do think you need to talk to the aunt yourself, however, rather than letting her continue to harass your mom.

Post # 6
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It does sound like your cousin has some issued that he needs to be treated for in a real serious way. I think you and your Fiance are making the right decision in not including him. I think you need to directly talk to your aunt and tell her in no uncertain terms that your cousin is not allowed at your wedding, and that she needs to stop harrassing your parents over this because this is your wedding and not theirs. I think that the safety of your future neice and the safety of all your guests would be at risk by inviting your cousin.

Post # 7
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mshirley2203: I am usually all about family but your cousin sounds like he might not do well at your event. Sorry.

 

Post # 8
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Um, yes, you’re doing the right thing.

Did anyone report your cousin to the authorities when he molested the two girls?

Post # 9
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Yes, you’re doing the right thing, and I would consider stepping in and telling your Aunt to back off, that it isn’t your mother’s decision it’s yours, and to stop harrassing her.

Post # 10
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I am in a similar situation but not nearly to that extreme.  Other family and friends won’t be able to have fun if they have to stay sober and be “on guard” all night. 

I would definitely NOT include him.  Just because he is family does not make it ok for you to put you, your family and friends at risk.

ETA:  I do have to add…how would you feel if something did happen with him?  I feel like it would ruin your entire wedding experience for you plus the guilt for inviting him knowing he has these tendancies would just be too much.

Post # 11
Member
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Hell yes you did the right thing. Sadly, his behavior is being excused by his overproactive and in denail mother. And he inapporiately touched someone, please, no question here. Your family maybe in denail but you clearly aren’t.

Post # 12
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

HELL yes you did the right thing. You want everyone to have fun and not worry about babysitting someone who wont be watched by the parents. I have a special uncle who I may or may not invite, and he is usually good but sometimes not so much. So I get where you are comming from.

Post # 13
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

You absolutely did the right thing by refusing to invite him, but something needs to be done about your mother getting all this grief from your aunt. It’s not your mother’s decision, it’s yours, and you need to step in there and put a stop to it.

Post # 14
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds like your mom is getting a lot of pressure from your aunt – I think you need to step in. Call the aunt yourself, and be very firm with her in the fact that he is NOT invited, and that this is your decision for the safety of your fiance’s niece – you’re not taking any chances, and your mother has nothing to do with it so to leave her alone. When your aunt threatens to not attend the wedding, just say, “We’re sorry, you’ll be missed.” Even though that’s probably not true.

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