(Closed) Did I fail at Bridesmaid gifts?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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anonymous03091989:  I don’t see anything wrong with it. On this site, the general attitude I’ve come across is that every one is required to do all this stuff, but you know your people best and what they’d liKe. 

Until I came across it I didn’t realize you were supposed to take shower gifts and wedding gifts (I always thought you took the present to the shower if invited and to the wedding if you werent to a shower). I knew nothing about buying bridesmaids a gift and then bridesmaids buying the couple gifts, the bridesmaids paying for a shower, but then the bride paying for a luncheon, the couple giving the parents thank you gifts, the parents giving the couple gifts. Just seems like too much to me! 

Post # 3
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I didn’t even know bridesmaid gifts were a thing! 

However, they sound absolutely lovely and I don’t think there’s any need to give them money too, it sounds personal and thoughtful. If they don’t like them then that’s up to them as an individual!

Post # 6
Member
731 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

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anonymous03091989:  We aren’t doing all this gift stuff. My gift to them was cheap dresses. They all picked their own dresses and spent less than $50 on the outfit. I’m not making them throw a shower or spend money on a Bachelorette either. The parents are getting a album from Snapfish after the wedding and my fi is getting the wedding he wanted (and I did not).

We did get the BMs matching vintage necklaces, peronalized Starbucks cups to hold the gifts from etsy, headbands (flapper style), and earrings. We probably spent about $20 per person. 

 In our case, I’ve hardly asked them to do anything at all (no shower and no bach) and im feedings them, their SO and their kids, we’ve got an open bar and a harbor cruise. Considering one bridesmaid has been a total BM-zilla, I think we are doing ok. (Zilla demanded to stay in my house w me the wedding weekend so I could driver HER around, then asked me to invite her parents who I don’t even know! I totally have better things to do on my wedding day than to drive her around). 

Post # 7
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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anonymous03091989:  right? People go out waaaay to much in my opinion. And as for dresses, I agree, kind of a give and take (unless of course you have five sisters who all get married but you never get married yourself 😉 ) though at the same time, I don’t understand why if a bride does by the dresses (not right or wrong) why they are made to feel they need to buy another gift. They can, nothing wrong with it, but ive never thought it necessary. Unless they are doing a bunch for you (basically being wedding planners, if one buys their dress and shoes and they just need to basically show up… it’s all even 🙂 

ive learned through this site that I’m way low key and informal. 

Post # 8
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

your gift sound fine, jewellery is standard (just like hipflasks, cufflinks, lighters or alcohol for boys) and I never known anyone to moan in real life – to be honest I dont get this everything has to be personal and unique or its not a gift thing (although I do agree any prop with ‘bridesmaid’ or ‘goomsman’ or some other wedding item saying is not a gift because it cant actually be used again)

 

a jewellry box and nice bracelet is plenty

Post # 9
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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futuremrsc2016:  because buying the dress is basic common curtousy that your friends shouldnt be out of pocket for YOUR vision where as the gift is a gift to thank them for helping you out and standing with you

Post # 10
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I just had this conversation with my mom over lunch today! I was showing her the Fossil phone case/wallets and bracelets I bought for four of the girls when she (smartly!) called me out on why am I buying all this when in fact I only have one Maid/Matron of Honor and no bridesmaids standing up–i paid for MOHs dress and told her Ill cover her hair and makeup costs too. I realized I was feeling guilty that Maid/Matron of Honor would have nothing to open at the rehearsal dinner then felt bad giving her a gift but not my future SIL, other friend who is invited to the rehearsal dinner and future niece (all of whom are not im the actual wedding party!)

And I brought up that I will be giving gifts to the parents and my mom said this is so unnecessary–that the best gift we can give them is to have a Happy Marriage.

Anyway between that and the PP responses on this thread, I got a reality check and will be returning at least the wallets/phone cases and realizing that no one is in our weddings for the free “perks” (dress, shoes, free meal, or gifts!) and that its just that this is what friends do for eachother!

Anyway, OP, with that being said- your bracelets are enough. Lets all get a reality check here 🙂

 

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think your gift sounds very nice. I felt “pressured” that my original Bridesmaid or Best Man gifts weren’t enough, so I ordered more and I’m now realizing I probably didn’t need to. But you hear so much pushback for gifting things that are just “accesories for your wedding” that I then second-guessed myself. 

When I asked each of them, I got them one of those dress hangers with their names in wire, then I got them each a robe with their name embroidered on it, a coordinating shawl in case it is cold for the ceremony, they can wear, and matching earrings to wear in the wedding. Then I felt like I needed more so I got them a tote bag to put all this stuff in, and a personalized note pad with their name. 
In all honestly, I don’t think any of my girls will be offended or upset that what I got them was “prop” like, but that’s all you hear on this site. 

Post # 12
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t understand why some think it’s necessary to spend a huge on amount on gifts for bridesmaids, groomsmen, lavish favors, etc… They should be there because they want to celebrate that day with you, not get a gift. 

Of the two weddings I’ve been a bridesmaid in, the only “gifts” we received were jewelry and heels to wear the day of and I was just fine with that. I didn’t expect anything but appreciated what the bride did get, even if it was only for HER wedding. Society has made us think all these things are necessary and they’re not. 

Post # 13
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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btob17:  no need to get nasty. I’m just saying if you buy your sister a dress and shoes, and on the day of, she walks up the aisle and stands next to you instead of sitting in a chair, is she really doing that much more than a guest? If she’s making calls, helping out together bouquets, going dress shopping with you, helping you pick a venue, then yes, of course. But there is a HUGE difference in all of that. Just as I mentioned in a post before that in order to make sure a Bridesmaid or Best Man would be able to attend, I was going to buy her dress, her shoes, pay for her airfare, AND put her up in a hotel for several days. In that sense, would spending even more be necessary? To me, I don’t think so. She wasn’t going to be out anything but time (which is important, yes, but was going to be able to go to her parents, who live near me, afterwards. So in a way, I was buying her a trip to her parents. Which would to be a gift in itself. I’m just saying see people go way over the top. Someone mentioned spending $1500 apiece on her bridesmaids. To me, and it’s just me, I’d have preferred her to buy the dress and shoes and not worried about the rest. Whether you stand up there or sit in a chair, would you not be there anyway? maybe that is the point I’m missing. If you provide every and they stand there and at the reception do their thing or leave, is it different than being a guest? I guess I’m just looking at it different. Or maybe my friends and sister and I are different. But then I see it from the same as spending $100 to feed someone to come to the wedding so they will bring a $100 present, which technically, you could just not spend that much, not invite all those people and use the $100 to buy your own present. It’s just too much give and take to me. Presents are great, yes, but it just seems weird to give someone a present to get one and to invite someone to bring something so expensive to spend that much on them (whether it’s a guest and their present/meal or a shower/bachelorette party vs a bridesmaids luncheon or farewell brunch Or the parents buying a present to get a thank you present). And it also depends on financial situations too I guess. Say you have bridesmaids who are financially stressing. Or even not all that well off. Well instead of spending money on a present but putting them out the cost of a dress, you are gifting them the gift of being stress free and not having to worry about their finances and being able to come up with the money for it.  

Post # 14
Member
3228 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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futuremrsc2016:  I didn’t give my BMs presents because they planned my wedding for me (I hired someone for that). I gave them presents because they have all been a part of my life, have supported me emotionally throughout my relationship with my DH and before, have been there through thick and thin, bad and good, etc. I gave them a gift to thank them for being my very best friends on that day and throughout my life. Likewise I did not give my parents a gift because they paid for my wedding, I gave them a gift to thank them for raising me. If I give someone a wedding gift I give it to them to celebrate an important day in their lives, not to pay them back for feeding me at the wedding. I’m sorry that you see gifts as a give and take or conditional.

Post # 15
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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anonymous03091989:  I think the gifts sound lovely. Besides, people should be thankful when given a gift! 

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