(Closed) Did I fail at Bridesmaid gifts?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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carolinabelle:  but in that case shouldn’t you have done it regardless? Are you only thanking your parents for raising you because you arw getting married? That’s just how I took it. And again, it’s different if all those people do all that for you! But if they didn’t pay, if they haven’t been part of your relationship, it’s completely different… 

I guess it’s just because I buy my parents, sister and friends things all the time, just because I think it’s something they would like. I don’t need to make a special show and present it in front of people. If I want to thank my parents for rasising me, I should do it every single day. Not just on the day I get married. Same with my friends. If it’s because they’ve supported me in my relationship, I should thank them every time I see them, not just because I’m getting married. I think I goes with expectations. People shouldn’t expect to be part of your wedding (as a wedding party member or a guest) only in hopes of getting something. Is it a nice gesture? Yes. Required? No. If the bride doesn’t give you a present, does it give the right to blast her in real life, on social media and on here? No. Anything you do should be without the thought of getting something in return (I was in one wedding. No wedding party gifts were given. I was no in any of my friends weddings, they had one Bridesmaid or Best Man each, no gifts. My sister isn’t married but if she does get married, I don’t expect anything). It’s all about who you are, and what you’re used to. 

Post # 17
Member
1681 posts
Bumble bee

I am getting my BMs a bracelet and earring set totalling about $40 for each person (thanks to an awesome online sale) that I want them to wear the day of. It is a set that can easily be worn again in either a casual or more dressy setting. I am also treating them to their updos the day of. I know on the Bee it is not considered a gift for the hair service, but in my circle it is, so yea, do what works for you. 

Post # 18
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

The two times I’ve been in a wedding the gift was something to wear in the wedding and I still loved it.  I think you’ve put a lot of thought into your gift and it sounds lovely.  

Post # 19
Member
4177 posts
Honey bee

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futuremrsc2016:  actually, you should never take a present to the actual wedding unless it is a card with money. It’s a total pain in the ass for the bridge and groom; wedding gifts should be shipped. 

Post # 20
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

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zl27:  so if I live in the same town, I need to buy a gift AND spend an outrageous amount of money to ship it? I sent a tiny little box about half a foot that cost almost $20… no thank you. I guess it’s a good thing I don’t go to many weddings… and the ones I’ve been to have a table, that has gifts. No way am I spending over $20 to send a gift to people that live in the same town, after I’ve bought it. If that’s the case, everyone should register at Amazon so you can use free shipping and sent it immediately… AND if you have their address… to me that’s rude. “So Jane, can I have your address? know I don’t know you all that well, but can I have it?” I say that as someone who is very selective about who knows where I live. People know where you live and that you’re getting married and possibly going away? Break in city…. 

But at the same time, the idea is that you shouldn’t have to (or feel obligated to) give gifts at both. What if you end up invited to 2-3 showers and a bachelorette party? Enough is a enough… and it can happen. If you have a big enough family, and live in a small enoug town, especially when you work with family, have double cousins and went to school together, guest lists will get crossed and you get invited to several. Does that really mean you should have to get 4-5 $50-100 presents? It shouldn’t. If say either a large present overall, or four presents that equal $100. Just because you fall into all the categories doesn’t mean you should have to go broke. 

Post # 21
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

Gifts are not necessary but nice if it is given. I for one had to realize that you can’t believe everything you read online as well If they really love you they will appreciate the gift I wouldn’t worry about it. My gifts to my matron is a custom bracelet and necklace (my coworker has a shop on etsy)  that she can wear with anything and my gift to the bridesmaids as well as again my matron is those ballet shoes for them to change into at the reception so they can be more comfortable and dance. I think the main thing is ensuring they can use it or wear it again. I think you’ll be fine with just the bracelets and note I wouldn’t do gift cards for each one if you want to do more I saw this really cute idea of gift bags (or clutch if you want to) stuffed with items they may need for the day. For example feminine wioes, hand sanitizer, travel deodorant, safety pins, hair pins etc. You would give it to them the morning of the wedding. Hope this helps someone.

Post # 22
Member
11506 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

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anonymous03091989:  I think your gift sounds lovely. I don’t think you need to spend another $150 unless you really want to do that.

Post # 24
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

THANK YOOOOOU FOR POSTING THIS! This website has made me so self conscious about the gifts I chose! I commented on another post about what I have and had a few people rudely explain to my why they aren’t actually a gift. This makes me feel so much better after reading everyone else’s comments too ๐Ÿ™‚ I know my girls, and I know they won’t even be expecting gifts- so they’ll be appreciative of what I choose.

 

I got them matching shirts to get ready in (apparently it’s a prop..), a chalkboard label wine glass, some shower melts and lip scrub, and a mesh tote bag with their names that I’m using as the gift bag. So I know it sounds more wedding themed.. but I love coming up with themed gifts and was so excited about it before getting told I am selfish and it’s all for me ๐Ÿ˜€ I do think I’ll try to find a cute extra personal gift for each girl so they have something more for just themselves too.. just because I started to feel so bad about the rest being “props”.

 

Your gift sounds great and I would be happy with that even without a gift card! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 25
Member
1698 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would add something for ~$10, like champagne breakfast to enjoy while getting ready together  and a handwritten card for each lady. The gifts sound lovely so far, but if you are worried, its not big enough, I think those extra little things go a long way. 

Post # 26
Member
10374 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I really don’t think your presents sound bad so you shouldn’t worry about it.

The only time I cringe is when someone says they are giving their girls a present and the present consists entirely of photo props for the wedding and things emblazioned with “bridesmaid” all over them.

 

Post # 27
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

Did you pick these bracelets out based on their likes or for your vision? I’m a firm believer that bridesmaids gifts should be personal, and that jewelry tends to fall by the wayside after the wedding. 

I have been a bridesmaid and received jewelry and gave it to Goodwill after the wedding. 

Post # 28
Member
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I was recently in a wedding and the bride gave us all pearl bracelets with a little heart charm and pearl studs to wear on the day. While a lot of people say that jewelry meant to be worn on the day doesn’t count as an actual gift because ‘it’s a prop for your wedding’ but I thought it was nice to have something special to remember the day by. I agree with people who say anything that says bridesmaid on it (robe, tshirt, etc) is more a photo prop than anything else, but jewelry is different in my opinion! Also yours sounds so personal and lovely, you put a lot of effort into making it something special they can remember the day by but still use again without it being a super obvious ‘bridesmaid’ item.

Post # 29
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

I’m going to make another comment, even high I kindnof got blasted last time. It all depends on them! I personally would like anything someone got. Whether I “liked” it or used it after wouldn’t matter since I didnt pay for it. I mean, in all honesty, do we all use everything we’ve ever gotten for a Christmas or birthday gift? Probably not. And I’m also one who has very weird tastes that many wouldn’t know. Im going to just describe me for a minute, so no one panic. I know a common present is wine. I don’t drink it, so it wouldn’t get used. I wear the same type of clothes all the time, and prefer picking out my own. I love to read,but I’m picky about books. I don’t wear jewelry, and so if you wanted me to wear some in your wedding, I’d rather you gave it to me than ask me to wear earrings, that I don’t have. You could give me cash so I could pay bills… I got an iTunes gift card feom my cousin for Christmas. I sold it to my sister because I needed the cash (or well, she gave me the amount it was worth because she loves iTunes). Every single person is going to be different. For me personally if someone said “here’s the dress and shoes I want you to wear” I’d say, thank goodness. Now I don’t have to come up with the funds. If someone is making the trip to come see me, the fact they are there is their gift to me. At one point I wanted to have a wedding about 3 hours from here, on the beach, with about 20 people. I was going to come up with the money to get them all there, to oy for their lodging from Friday night until Sunday morning, all the food, and the clothes for the wedding party. But was told that wasn’t enough. So I had to nix the idea. Because that was my budget. It was going to be used on having the people I wanted the most there that couldn’t otherwise afford it. Most of our family and friends are either elderly, disabled, have their own business, or work hourly jobs with no vacation so they’d be giving up a lot to come. So our gift to everyone (parents, siblings, friends, close close family) was to not make them spend a penny and only be out their time.  I was giving up flower, a cake,everything. But hearing that wasn’t enough, that I still needed to get presents for all of them (and at the time was told they needed to be $50-100 I knew I couldn’t do that as well). 

You know your people best. Some don’t expect anything and a card is perfect. Others, sadly, say yes for what they might get out of it (yes, there are people like that out there). I’ve learned that there is no in between on this site lol. 

Post # 30
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Don’t drive yourself nuts over stuff you read on this website. In real life I’ve never gotten anything other than jewelry to wear the day of as a bridesmaid and I was happy with it.  I only had a Maid/Matron of Honor and Flower Girl (sister & niece) for my wedding and yes I bought them nice non wedding gifts only because I wanted to thank my sis for the extra effort she made for my bachelorette / Bridal shower. 

You’ll read that personalized favors suck meanwhile I really like them or that you can do without favors altogether. My guests looked for their favors after the wedding and I had 2 different items – I had two per couple/invite and I ran out! Basically it all depends on your crowd and what’s customary for your area. 

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