(Closed) Did I handle this appropriately or am I a Bridezilla?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
4384 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

You are most definitely NOT being a bridezilla!!

Post # 18
Member
5976 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree w/ the above posters! In no way are you being a bridezilla. You told your mom that  you would invite her friend and her husband and that’s it. It’s rude for her to ask for her children to be invited – her ADULT children at that! Sorry, but there are people who you want there, and her kids are not 2 of them.

Post # 19
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Total Guestzillas!  You sound like a super sweet, thoughtful person.  If you are feeling rude, it’s probably because someone else was rude, and you’re setting a good boundary.

Post # 20
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

She wants to bring her GROWN up early 20s offspring?? Oh for heaven’s sake = I would have expected something like this more from parents of kids that need sitters…but sheesh!

You did the right thing to put your foot down. You don’t want to be at capacity at your venue…I would imagine it would be a huge pain with everyone bumping into anything and a fat fine of top of that!

Post # 21
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2005

What the heck! They are totally being rude for wanting to bring additonal people. Planning can be hard especially when there are pressure from parents…and now with this nonsense. Like the others have said, stand your ground.

 

xoxo,

Fen

Post # 22
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Take it easy. It is not your fault:)

Post # 23
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It is definitely not your fault and I think you did the right thing. Because it’s not just two more people, it is four more people (the parents and the kids) that you didn’t particularly want there. You have to put your foot down at some point and I think you were very nice to invite your mom’s friend and spouse even though you didn’t want to.

My FH told his mom that her best friend and spouse are not invited to our wedding, because he doesn’t care for them and we are nearly at capacity as well. She’s not super thrilled about it, but it was ultimately his decision. (His decision because I told him whatever decision he made I was fine with– I didn’t care either way.)

Post # 24
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Tbh, the ‘kids’ may not even have wanted to go– it could have been that the parents just wanted them to go. Just a thought… it might make you feel a little better. (At least, I hope it doesn’t make you feel worse…)

Post # 25
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You’re fine.  They are incredibly rude to request to bring two additional adults!  If they persist, call them and in your most apologetic tone say that you’re so sorry, but you just can’t accommodate any additional guests.  Do NOT give a reason why!  That will just encourage them to negotiate with you (if you say its budget, they’ll offer to pay, if you say its space, they’ll counter that someone else won’t be coming, etc.).  If they ask why, just say apologetically that its just not possible and repeat that like a broken record no matter how many times they ask why. 

Good luck!

Post # 26
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was/am in the almost the same situation as you. I feel like I’m bullying my parents as much as I feel like they are subtly bullying me. I mean, first, there are physical limits/limits on comfort when it comes to number of guests. Do what fits with your venue…as some even pick a venue for the fact that it is more intimate than say an event center hall. That’s what I like about my venue; 140 people can fit in the reception room “comfortably” 10 to a round table without even any space for a dancefllor unless we put it under some tables that will be moved.

When emotions ran high as we crafted the guest list, my parents even said that I selfish for not wanting to invite family, family friends or other people who are estranged to me. I understand “family” but I am more concerned with the family that I am most close to coming. There’s also a non-US culture in play here so that makes it…interesting.

When someonce scoffed at me when I said that this wedding is about me and my FH…I scoffed back! I mean, just because I say that this aspect will be the way I want it doesn’t mean I am being selfish or a bridezilla. When I say that I want my wedding to reflect me and my FH, it means that it reflects us as whole persons who were influenced by family, friends, etc. Dang, just because I like peanut butter doesn’t mean it’s PB&J for the whole night. I am thinking of others when I make my decisions for the event. I want my guests to enjoy themselves.

Post # 27
Member
3525 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Totally agree! You are NOT a bridezilla! I think this is a case of your mom needs to talk to her friend that they can not bring their kids that were not invited!!

There’s NO need to invite kids of parent’s friends!

Post # 28
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

My mom called me a bridezilla for something similar, which really hurt me! I gave my mom a total number that she could invite, and she went over. Our venue only seats a certain amount and she knew that when she agreed that we should book there. And this makes me a bridezilla? I don’t think so, this made me a bride who didn’t want to have to stress out until the moment we get all of the RSVP’s back that we might not get to fit everyone in the room! She finally agreed with me and we compromised that I’d send announcements to everyone else that we just couldn’t invite.

It’s not like you’re being mean and don’t want them there. There’s simply no room, and since you’re only inviting your nearest and dearest there’s probably people closer to you that you want to invite but just can’t. I would just stick with not inviting the kids, and don’t feel bad about it!

Post # 29
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are not a bridezilla by any means.  If the venue only allows for so many people you want the people there to be ones you want to share your day with…I don’t blame you one bit for being upset.  Maybe talk to your mom and see if she can poltely mention to her friend that only the friend/spose are invited if you are uncolfortable speaking to her yourself.  Good Luck and be brave…

Post # 30
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

hells NO you are not a bridezilla!  in fact, that is one of the top most rude things a guest can do – add people to their RSVP who are not listed on the invitation.  WHY do people think they can get away with this??  It’s just plain ignorance and shows a complete disregard for the cost and effort of planning a huge party like a wedding.  There is no reason for you to feel bad.  Did they get the message that the extra two can’t come and did they agree to it?

Post # 31
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would do that same thing. I also was focused only on inviting close friends and family – isn’t it weird to have people at your wedding that you do not know/don’t really know? I think you are fine. 

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