- 2 weeks ago
Myself and my (ex) bf Just recently turned 25. We meet in our last year of high school at age 17, and were friends up until age 20 when he asked me to be his girlfriend. We live in a small town , however we were long distance as I went to a different city for my undergraduate and my masters degree in Scotland. We were long distance but there was never a problem. No cheating . No lies. We talked for HOURS every night for years. He came to visit me whenever he could and we were very happy. In the summers I would come home and see him.
Last year I finished my masters degree and came back to our small town determined to find a job close to home so that we would finally no longer be long distance ( and finally start thinking about our future). After about 3 months of me being back, I noticed we weren’t getting along as we usually did. He didn’t ask to see me as often as he use to when I was home in the summer. ( we both live with our parents which is a 7 minute drive ). After complaining about his lack of effort for a few months he eventually broke up with me citing his feelings had changed. He said he loved me but wasnt In love anymore. At this time we were both 24 years old and had been exclusively dating for 3.5 years. I went complete no contact and deleted him from my life.
Fast forward 2 months later he came back completely remorse, he was very apologetic for how he treated me and told me he wants a future. He said he was in this for the long haul and he wants a family. He told me he needed to see what was out there and we’ve been together for so long so when I started talking about the future it freaked him out. He told me he almost has all the money for the down payment to buy a house , and he wants me to move in with him. He told me he wants a second chance to try and make this work. My bf is someone who is very sweet and kind in nature , he is very considerate and I love him so I strted seeing him again.
A few weeks later I told him I only wanted to be exclusive if he truly sees A future here. He assured me he did. I told him I want to be married with 2 kids and gold fish. He said “
me too, I want that too”. I told him a potential timeline I had in mind. I wanted marriage in 1.5 years. He said “ i want that too , I want whatever makes you happy”. We become exclusive again.
About 2 months into getting back together I asked him how he felt about the wedding date September 2020 ( this was in May 2019). He said “yes, whatever makes you happy babe” In the most loving tone. He told me something he wanted me to work on that drove him away initially and we had the most amazing talk. I was on cloud 9. He started coming to church with my family every Sunday ( this meant a lot to me ) and making cute little jokes about how we will soon be those couples in the grocery store who shop together when we finally get married. I was soooo happy with the efforts and how we were communicating. About 4 months after that conversation, I asked him if he was still on board -as September 2020 was only now a year away and he hadn’t asked for my ring size yet ( I was expecting an engagement ring soon). He told me he wasn’t sure about that timeline anymore … and that a year seemed so soon and he wanted to buy the house and move out and “be a man” before any proposal could occur. I said ok, And asked him when he thinks he might envision he could be ready for marriage. He said March 2021 we s good date. I said okay , not bad! I was still very happy. We were happy until 2 weeks later I told him , let’s make a Bristol board and kind of figure out how much savings we have right now for a house and how much more we need to save before we can buy the house by feb and start engagement/ wedding planning. He was happy with the Idea! I went over to his place, he had the Bristol board ready, he wrote our names on it and I told him to write march2021 as the end point. He looked confused. I was like “ isn’t that our new date” he said he DIDN’T REREMBER SAYING THAT. For 2 more weeks we went back and forth on a timeline we wanted. He wanted September 2021 I said okay but can we do the engagement in the next 3-5 months. I felt like If I was giving him One extra year time , he can give me a little bit of the commitment I wanted , as an earlier proposal. He said he couldn’t do it because his parents would look at him funny for proposing while still living at home ( or just soon after buying the house if even). He finally told me he just isn’t ready for this and he would PROBABLY (wow) be ready to propose in September 2020 and wedding in September 2021. I told him a relationship is about compromise and I would appreciate some compromise on his end. He said he just couldn’t do it and he just wasn’t there yet. He apologized and looked so sad. We took 2 days to ourselves to think this over. On the second day he picked me up and we had our final conversation. I told him I love him and I know we are supposed to be together. He interjected saying “ I 100% agree”. I told him his happiness means a lot to me but when I got back into this relationship a few months ago it was under the assumption that we want the same thing. I told him I felt kind of manipulated into coming back , since he apparently isn’t on my page at all. I told him that his happiness means a lot to me and i don’t want to push him into this if it isn’t something he wants now or in the near future. As such I am going to make the difficult decision to “jump ship”, as I don’t know where this ship is going. He nodded. I gave him a hug and told him if he wanted to talk about this later he can call me. He drove me home and that was our last interaction. 4 weeks ago. He hasn’t even tried to call or message or anything. He checks in on my social media and likes my photos but no direct contact. I am in strict no contact so I don’t look or like at anything he post ( he is on mute ) but I am so sad
🙁 . He is a good person and I love him and I know he is the one. He is so calm and kind and has been there for me since we were kids.
I know ppl might say i jumped the gun or that 25 is young but I’ve been ready to marry him for at least 2 years now. I don’t understand how he can love me and not want this or even just compromise with me a little bit. I was willing to give him an extra year then previously discussed ( for the marriage) , I just needed some form of commitment faster then a year from now , to feel like I wasn’t wasting my time. When we got back together he had been telling me he wanted to be my husband and have children with me in a few years …. yet he is okay with not talking to me for 4 weeks and not even fighting for me to stay?
So did I dodge a bullet ? Or was I the Gf that pushed her otherwise good Man into panic mode and didn’t have enough patience to wait for him to be ready ? Did I do the right thing ?