Post # 1
Sooo background: my boyfriend doesn’t want to get married until he’s done with school, understandable, but makes my wait time 4+ years since he isn’t currently in school now and we’ve already been dating 3 years in May and have been living together for over a year (before moving in together we agreed that we saw this relationship heading for marriage).
Tonight we had a Talk. Long story short, he changed my guesstimated and indefinite timeline by saying, “Just because I’m not ready for marriage right now doesn’t mean that I won’t be in a year, or maybe two.” Just like that. Was that a timeline or was I reading too much into it?
He also said that I need to stop questioning him, because “it’s supposed to be a suprise” and I “need to leave it to [him].” Does that mean he’s thinking about it?!
Might not seem like much, but the fact that he may be ready to at least be officially engaged by next year at the earliest is HUUUUUGGEEEE for me, since I know I’m not patient enough to wait till he’s 100% done with school, which could take forever since he is considering med school. Ew.
Post # 3
Sounds good, but don’t hound him about it, dwell, or overanalyze. If he said maybe 2 years, he’s probably buying himself some time.
Post # 4
I know, butttt he had time before hand with the whole waiting-till-he’s-done-with-school-thing. I think he either wasn’t thinking about what he was saying and didn’t realize what it would do to me or has been thinking about it more lately. I still have a long wait, either way.
Post # 5
Well, be optimistic, but in my experience so far “1-2 years” has been manspeak for “Let’s wait and see what I feel comfortable with later” not “I’m making definite plans”. But I suppose you could take it as a timeline.
Post # 6
My fear for you darling is, “doesn’t mean that I won’t be in a year, or maybe two” – also doesn’t mean he will be either.
Post # 7
Yeah I tend to agree with this. He is giving himself a lot of leeway with the way he’s wording things. I’ve also gotten the “don’t talk to me about it because it’s supposed to be a surprise” but in my case it was more of a “I’m going to say something to make you stop talking about it because I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” maybe it’s not in your case but those two statements together make it sound more like he’s trying to buy himself so time…from you bringing it up as a topic of conversation.
Post # 8
My bf did something similar but opposite. We are moving in together and we were talking about “the future”, and at one point he said we won’t be getting engaged in the next year… HMPH!
Post # 9
I’m sorry, but I do not think that is a timeline at all. I know it’s great that he’s talking about it, and I really do think he’s trying to get you to stop bringing it up.
A timeline is a specified time. When a guy says “a year, or maybe two” he’s being just as vague as “I don’t know” but throwing numbers in there to make it look like he’s not vague. You got the “someday” answer put into different words.
It’s more like “Let’s see how I feel in a year or two.”
Also, coupled with “you need to be quiet so you don’t ruin the surprise” really makes me think he’s just trying to quiet you down.
This guy isn’t planning on proposing for at least a year and you asking about getting engaged right now is going to ruin the surprise? Sure…..if he was close to propose you asking so much take away the surprise element…. but he’s not going to be proposing soon so you’re not ruining a surprise.
Post # 10
I don’t know how much he was trying to “shut you up” but I DO agree that he’s just buying time… butttttt my Fiance said that to me, and 1 1/2 years later, proposed! So, just take it for what it is and let it go…for now! lol I am happy I didn’t push for it thru that time, I just let it go, until the beginning of this past December…and when I did bring it up, it was a “what do you want for Christmas Nik” and a “just a ring” LOL He bought it, but I didn’t get it til March!!! Patience and perserverance is the way to go!! good luck
Post # 11
You are right. I forgot to specify that it doesn’t mean that in these next two years or so his feelings wont change. He could very well naturally come around and want to propose sometime in the next couple of years.
However as of RIGHT NOW, with what he said, he wasn’t giving you a timeline. As of right now, he doesn’t know.
Post # 12
I understand that, but my guy said the same thing…… point is he didn’t say “I don’t know” or “not happening” He’s at least open to having her think that in a couple of years it could go down. Obviously he’s not trying to marry her now, or be engaged, but he’s also not running for the hills… that’s always a positive! lol I wouldn’t take what he said as a timeline exactly BUT, I would be bringing it up in a year and 1/2… not a second before lol
Post # 13
In my experience, men say exactly what they mean. Sorry, but I do think that you are over analyzing what he said. Be patient, and enjoy the now.
Post # 14
Just wanted to clarify that what got me most excited is that I may not have to wait for him to be done with school to get married. If I have to wait for him to be done with school, it would take at least four years or more, but him saying one or two years from now makes me think he’s changing his mind on the school thing.
And thank you ladies for bringing me back to earth. Yea, you’re right. That definitely wasn’t an actual timeline but at least he may be thinking about it now, especially since he’s best man at his buddies wedding this summer. I’ll just take it for what it is, and leave him alone about it. At least for a year or so, lol.