Did I make a big mistake on my marriage license? I can't stop crying

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2014

ericarenee427 :  You are overreacting.  I googled it and came up with this: 1. It doesn’t matter what you think now, you can not change it.  They will not modify it for a name change and that should have been explained to you.  Your only option would be to let it expire.  So fighting is not going to accomplish anything. 2.  If you had choosen to change it, you would have had to change your name period.  Your paperwork is going to need to match your ACTUAL name, you didn’t have the option to change it in case you might someday want to legally change it.  You needed to pick a legal name.  You are both being silly about this whole thing.  I get $400.00 isn’t pocket change but its the same thing.  This AKA crap is bullshit that won’t matter…If you guys go through life fighting for days over every $400.00 shit that comes up its going to be a long life…

Post # 49
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

ericarenee427 :  This is about your fiancé setting fire to this because the marriage license was his way of manipulating you (or at least settling) on your aversion to changing your last name.  The sooner you admit it and address the real problem the sooner $400 and some paperwork literally means nothing. 

Post # 50
Member
14940 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s done.   400 bucks is not much.   Its not that bIg a  deal to pay if you change your mind.  Is this reeeeeeally with being this distraught over? 

Post # 51
Member
320 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

ericarenee427 :  I would go back, explain the mistake, reapply for a new license, and pay the money for the new one. It seems like the cheapest option, and I am a frugal person! I live in Michigan and my Mom got married in 2014. Her marriage license has her husbands new last name, but she’s never gotten around to changing her name. So her legal name is still her old name on her driver’s license, social security card, etc. I don’t think it would be different in california. Good luck!

Edited to add that $400 is a lot for me! I don’t know what a marriage license costs where you live, but it’s only $30 here! I definitely wouldn’t want to even have the possibility of having to pay so much in the future. You might never change you last name, and that’s fine, but I’d sure want the peace of mind knowing it was a hassle-free and cheap option!

Post # 52
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee

ericarenee427 :  are you sure the clerk explained it to you correctly. In my state, your maiden name is listed on my license. Then when I go and take my future husband’s last name, I pay a small fee (No where near $400), fill out a few documents, and Presto – name is changed. No one has to appear before a judge.

Changing your name due to marriage is completely different than picking a random name to change it to. 

And i thought my state was f’d up.

Post # 54
Member
10660 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

ericarenee427 :  

Wait.  Wut? Four hundred dollars to change your name in CA?   Nope, nope, nope.  

You don’t *need* to to court and spend money to change to your married name.  You go to the nearest Social Security office with your I.D. and birth certificate, and marriage certificate, along with your card.

Next stop, DMV.  They will change it based on your paperwork from So Sec.

Who is it you have been talking to?

I agree with the PP-this is the tip of the iceberg.

Post # 55
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Here in NV I filled out the marriage license using my maiden name and checked a box that said change my name to my married name and then just used the marriage certificate to go everywhere to update it.  But I didn’t have to update it if I didn’t want to, it just allowed me to, and it is a one-time offer when you get the marriage license.  There was nothing stopping me from keeping all my documents under my maiden name (and my passport is still under my maiden name, it lasts til 2019 and I’m keeping that puppy til then because it’s an extra $250 to change it now and I can always travel under my maiden name).

I DO hear it’s more of a hassle to do a legal name change, and you do go in front of a judge, and some states make you publish an intent to change your name in the newspaper (and all of this carries fees) for a number of weeks before you change it (in order to allow creditors etc. to track you down).

But what are you going to do now, it’s done.

“Married name change” and “legal name change” is exactly the same thing, they don’t have different auras, if in 5 years you both have the same last name, no one is going to ask you if you changed it through your marriage license or through the courts (unless they’re looking to do it themselves and want advice).

Post # 56
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

ericarenee427 :  You misunderstood what she said.  She never said you can never go back to your maiden name.  She said IF you want to go back to your maiden name, then it’s another legal name change.  Whereas if you did it through the marriage certificate it’s easier to go back to your maiden name.  But you CAN go back to your maiden name even if you legally change your name to your married name.

Post # 57
Member
265 posts
Helper bee

ericarenee427 :  You keep on saying that your Fiance doesn’t care if you change your name, but the fact that he got mad at you really makes me think that he was assuming you would change your mind down the road. I think you need to have an open conversation with him and ask how he really feels about it. 

I got married in California and we both decided to take each other’s names. The only part I didn’t fill out with my maiden name is the part that says “new last name” on the bottom of the form. 

If it bothers you, just go to the clerk’s office and say you lost it. You’ll have to pay the fee again, but at least you won’t be upset about it anymore. I do think you should talk to your Fiance about how he would feel if you never decide to change your last name, though. Going back to clerk’s office is just going to make him think there’s even more hope that you’ll change your name down the road. 

Post # 58
Member
97 posts
Worker bee

I live in CA and also was uncertain on completing the license regarding the name change issue. It’s true that you can’t change the license you have paid for, but at least in San Diego they did permit us to get a new license before we got married after I had decided that I would change my name. Better to pay for the second license fee than later to pay the $300 (at the time) fee to change my name after getting married. Call them and see.

Post # 59
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee

How can it be legal to fill out an official document with a name that doesn’t exist? Technically you would be giving  a false identity and write any random name. Even if you would change your name it still doesn’t seem legit.  Well I’m not in California. That being said it’s only  $400. I’m sure you can save it up if you decide to change your name.

Post # 60
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

ericarenee427 :  I’m a California bee. Even if you did fill it out with the “intended name after marriage” being your Fiance last name if you wait more than a year you have to pay for it. You have a year grace period for SS to change it at no cost to you but if you wait longer than that you pay for a legal name change. Happened to a friend of mine. She fully intended to change her name, kept blowing off going to the SS office (I don’t blame her, that place fucking blows) and when she went in they told her she had passed the time limit and has to file for a legal name change if she wanted to officially change it. 

Your clerk did a horrible job explaining this to you. You MUST file out any legal document with you current legal name at the time of signing. When I did my California marriage license there was a spot for “intended name”. When I went to the SS office they still asked if I wanted to hyphenate my name or just take his and I filled out the form there. 

Dont trip, potato chip. No matter what you have the option to change your name. 

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