Did I make a big mistake on my marriage license? I can't stop crying

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 61
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Well this is odd to me. When we did our marriage license, I was required to fill in my legal name which obviously was my maiden name as I was not legally married or had legal identification of the new name I planned on taking and after I got married, my marriage certificate and birth certificate along with my old I.D was required to legally change my name on my I.D as I’m hypenating and it was free for me because I had my old I.D.

How could you be putting another name on a marriage license when that’s not your legal name yet and is not on any other form of I.D?

Sounds really complicated if that’s how the law is where you live. 

Post # 62
Member
997 posts
Busy bee

You are crying over spilled milk.

Post # 63
Member
14967 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

For everyone asking how it can be legal to file the licence with the new name when it’s not valid yet, that is how it works in my state too.  It’s not all that complicated.

This is the *application* for marriage licence. not the actual marriage certificate, there is a field that asks your name, and then another for “surname after marriage”, you can put anything you want there, your maiden name, your soon to be husbands last name, you can make something up if you want.   The field is there for both parties, he can change his name if he wanted.  After you get married you submit the signed marriage form by whomeever is performing the marriage and then a few days later, you can pick up your now valid marriage certificate which is filled in using the info ou put on the application.

If you put a new surname down, your name is automatically changed once you get married and you can now easily take this certificate and go get your IDs changed with social secirty and everything.  If you DONT put a new surname down in it, your name is not changed, you cannot use it to change your name with SS or anywhere else, you have to go through the courts.  If you put a new name down and you dont want new IDs and to go through the process of chaging your SS and what not, then you can just keep using your old name.

Post # 64
Member
5954 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

It will ALWAYS cost more and be a court process when you want to change it later. Later you are just some random person wanting to change your name to whatever. Now, you are getting married so you sort of have a free pass to change it to what you want since you are filling out this license. Changing later is no huge deal. I almost did it because I didn’t know if I wanted to take my husband’s name.

Post # 65
Member
9516 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

pinkshoes :  Yep, this exactly.

OP, putting his name on your marriage certificate does not leave it open ended to just change your name whenever you feel like it. If it’s past a certain time frame (probably a year I think) you would still have to go through the courts to change it.

Post # 66
Member
5005 posts
Bee Keeper

California bee here. Yes if you want to change your name for free you put your new name on the licence. I didn’t change mine either. You have to go to court later to change it but it’s supposed to be pretty easy.

You can use your married name socially if you like but legally your name will be maiden name. It’s not a huge deal. It’s just more of a pain in the butt to do it later but you don’t have to. Also in California it’s just as easy for your husband to change his name on the form. He could have changed his name to yours too. 

I’m wondering why your husband is so angry though. It should be a time of joy. Please don’t let this ruin what’s supposed to be a happy time. And if it’s your husband ruining it, I would have a talk with him. 

 

Post # 67
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

ericarenee427 :  I don’t understand what the problem is. If you sign your marriage license with your husband’s last name and then DON’T go through a name change process, that is a problem too.

Changing your name via marriage isn’t an option you can keep in your pocket to change your name for free for forever. If I remember correctly, after a certain time period (I think a year?), you have to change it through the courts anyway. I know through my personal experience that you only have one year after you get married to change your name for free on your passport, otherwise you have to pay a new passport fee.

This is nothing to be upset or cry over. I’m much more concerned about your husband’s reaction in all of this. He should NOT be trying to presssure you into taking his name.

Post # 68
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Whoa! I am just going to chaulk this up to pre-wedding jitters and stress because you guys cannot be arguing days over something that cannot be changed. The bottom line is – what’s done is done. Yes, it will be more money out of pocket than planned should you “choose” to change your last name. However, you may decide to never change your name and aruging for this over days is just ridiculous. If you guys have been at each others throat for days, I would be more concerned of how you two will handle situations that are far more serious — and you will have those.

Calm down, enjoy these last few weeks and good luck on your wedding.

Post # 69
Member
14967 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Westwood :  Yeah, I didnt mention that, but that too.  Even if you did have the new name on there, you still have a limited time to get the ball rolling with the name change.  I was told that in MA, it’s 3 months (I never verified). So even if you DID put the new name down, and you weren’t sure until say a year or two later, you’d STILL have to pay the $400 to do a legal name change through the courts.

So, yeah, either way, this just wasnt that big a deal to be crying non stop over.

Post # 70
Member
14967 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

franklymydearidont :  If you sign your marriage license with your husband’s last name and then DON’T go through a name change process, that is a problem too.

This is not true.  If you don’t go through the name change process, then your name is your maiden name.  Social security, your department of motor vechicles, IRS, etc, is none the wiser that you have a marriage certificate somewhere out that there might say you have a new name on it.  Your legal name is what is tied to your social security number.  If you dont start the ball rolling with the name change with SS, then your name is your maiden name.

It may become problamatic if you start changing your name with SS and then changing some forms of ID, but not others.  Even then your old IDs with your old names are still valid and I continued to use them as they were.  I travelled under 2 names for 3 years (married name on passport for international, maiden name on DL for domestic) and it was never an issue.  It only caught up to me when I bought a new car and they said they could release it to me cause they couldn’t insure it since my insurnace was under my married name and my DL was maiden name.

And existing bank accounts and credit cards dont really care what your name is.  I still have and use cards with my maiden name 7 years later.  Now if you apply for new line of credit, then you’ll need to use whatever name is on your SS card, so new cards I have in my married name.

 (ex. you only have one year after you get married to change your name for free on your passport, otherwise you have to pay a new passport fee).

This is not true either.  You can change your passport name for free if your pass port has been issued within the past year.  It has nothing to do with when you get married.

 

Post # 71
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

I totally don’t get the drama. So you made a mistake, so what?

If you decide you want to change your name in the future, just save the money. $400 isn’t really all that much, especially if you take a year or so to save. Will it really matter to someone if you do decide to change it that it will be a legal name change, and not one performed right at the time of marriage? Nope, not at all.

Or why don’t you simply just scrap that marriage license and pay for another? Must be cheaper than the $400.

No need to fight about this when there are a couple good ways to fix the error.

Post # 72
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

pinkshoes :  I know the having to pay for a new passport for a fact because I had to pay for a new passport, because I didn’t change my name on it within a year after getting my marriage license.

So what if you can change it for free if your passport has been renewed in the past year? I didn’t know this, but the fact of the matter is that that doesn’t negate my experience of having to pay to change my name on it. And passports are good for like 10 years, so if you’re past that year of renewal and marriage and want to change it before the next passport renewal, you will still have to pay the fee.

As far as having a different name on your marriage license not being problemantic–I don’t know, because I did change my name on almost everything pretty quickly (except my passport), but I’ve had to present my marriage certificate for certain documents, and I think that having a different name on there than your legal name would cause questioning of why you didn’t change your name. Maybe it doesn’t present any issues for people who never have to use their marriage license for anything, but I can’t imagine that you wouldn’t be asked about it if you do have to pull it out at some point.

Post # 73
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA

ericarenee427 :  Another California bee here, and I got my license and married last month.  When we were at the clerk’s desk, she very clearly asked me THREE times if I was sure I wasn’t going to change my name.  She also told me that changing my mind after the fact would be time-comsuming and costly. I still decided to keep my maiden name, and that was that. I’m sorry that you are going through this, but the information was there, in front of you and your Fiance.

I agree with PP and think that the issues here are not so much a name change (especially if you weren’t plannng on chainging it for awhile – save up the money over a few years). It sounds like you and Fiance have communication issues, and instead of fighting, you should talk about the underlying problems – was he ever ok with you keeping your name, perhaps forever?

Good luck. 

Post # 74
Member
14967 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

franklymydearidont :  You said above I know through my personal experience that you only have one year after you get married to change your name for free on your passport, otherwise you have to pay a new passport fee.
 and now you say you didn’t change it wihtin a year and had to pay?   If you had to pay, how can you say you *know* you have a year after getting married to change your name for free on your passport. … which is not even true.  Changing your name on your passport has nothing to do with when you got married… it has to do with when it was last issued.   See expantion under “change your name”.  If… “You are requesting the change less than one year after your passport was issued”, not when you were *married* https://travel.state.gov/content/passports/en/passports/services/correction.html 

Having a different name on marriage licence than IDs?  Like I said no one is the wiser if you dont’ go changing it with Social security.  My friend messed up her marriage licence and somehow ended up with her own last name twice on it.  She never used it to change her name.  Her name is still the same and no one ever asks to see a marriage certificate for ID.  I can’t think of one instance and anyone has every had to pull out a marriage certificate for anything relating to proving what their name is or isnt.  It is not a governing document for what your name is.  It all starts with teh social security office.

Post # 75
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

pinkshoes :  Are you being obtuse on purpose? Let me explain again:

  • I got married and changed my name on everything other than my passport.
  • >1 year of getting married, we were going on a trip and I realized I should change my name on my passport.
  • I was told that since I got married over 1 year ago and didn’t submit the name change within that year, I would have to pay to renew my passport with the name change, so that’s what I did.

This whole changing your name on your passport after you have renewed it argument you keep pulling up is ridiculous. Most women don’t wait as many as 8-9 years to change their name on their passport.

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