- 5 years ago
Hi, im new to this message board, but i really need some help. Unfortunately, ( and understandably) there seems to be no information out there about my particular issue. (there is a bit, but mines a little more complex). i really value any guidance you can give.
I’m from Canada and my husband is from asia. We live in asia together. We’ve been married about 4 months. Before we were married, we dated for almost 2 years, lived together. We were engaged about 7 months before getting married in Canada. My family met my husband and they absolutely love him, which is making all of this more difficult.
As i mentioned, before my husband and i married we lived together ( for about 8 months). During that time he was nothing but amazing. He even spoon fed me when a dog bit my hand. He was always by my side, being the most amazing boyfriend in the world. Our courtship was almost like a fairytale ~ our first kiss was on a mountain at night in the rain after he’d piggy backed me around the mountain. When he first told me he loved me he wrote the letters on our fingers and put them together. Despite our cultural difference i was sure, when we walked down the aisle id married the right man.
Fast forward 4 months and i have no idea where or who that guy was. We now live with his family ( which is normal here) and my husband has done a compleye 180 degree turn. Screaming at me for turning on one light instead of two, yelling at the top of his lungs over me asking for him to write something in his own language because he’s “too f&*?ing busy” and the absolute worst, leaving me alone all night while hes out with his friends and making up excuses.
his friends are absolutely not helpful or good behavioural models. His best friend has 3 girlfriends and constantly asks him to buy hookers with him. he helps his other best friend check out women in public, in front of me. he has a good friend he works with who is married who buys a hooker once a year, which his wife agrees to. my husbands response to me is he doesnt think its so bad because his friend.just uses his body, he doesnt give the girl his love. My husband tells me he would never cheat, but these are his best friends, and to be blunt im pretty damn worried. I don’t completely speak their language, but i understand a lot and his friends are bad news, but i cant just say “dont ever see your friends again.” I’ve told him i dont like him to spend time with them, but he spends all his time with them. If I had to make a list of my husbands priorities it would be friends, work, getting drunk, family and me.
I know a lot of you are going to read this and say “just leave the man child” but i’d like to fix whats broken, not throw it away. i made a vow to him and i want to keep it.
How can i get my husband to grow up? Did i make a mistake in marrying him. He really did not show this side of himself until after we married! please help!