(Closed) Did I make a mistake?

posted 6 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think you made a mistake. He’s a big boy and was capable of giving you a straight answer. I do think that you need to talk to him about what he wants and if he really does want to get married. Maybe all it will take is talking it through with him and making sure you’re both on the same page. I get anxious about random stuff all the time and once I talk about it with someone I feel so much better.

Post # 3
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Had you two discussed marriage before you proposed?

why did you decide to propose to him?

Post # 4
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

Is it possible that he might just want to propose to you with the ring before making it official?

I don’t think you made a mistake, but you can reassure him that if he needs some time, then it’s okay with you and you can hold off on announcing the engagement (if you’d be okay with it), or just have a longer engagement just to give yourselves more time. 

Post # 5
Member
1265 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Don’t regret your decision. You followed your heart. Good for you! 

Post # 6
Member
861 posts
Busy bee

I think he partly doesn’t want it to be official until you have the ring. So many people ask “where’s the ring?” And he thinks it may look bad on him if you start announcing (Yes even to your children because children talk and he wants them to know it’s real and not just talk)

Of course he is scared. It’s natural. It’s normal especially with second marriages.  Just give him time. He accepted and you both were overjoyed.  

Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Was it impulsive of you to ask? Did you really think about it before you did? I dont think it’s weird to keep it a secret until you have a ring. Honestly….I’ve never heard of a woman proposing to a man… not that it can’t be done but maybe he’s feeling some type of way about it after – especially now that you all have to tell the story of your engagement 100x over everytime someone asks.

Post # 9
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

Might be MAN PRIDE. He was obviously in sync with your thinking, but might prefer that the “public version” of your proposal be the traditional way. 

Ask him. 

To be cautious though- what’s he like during the BAD 10% of the time?

Post # 10
Member
948 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
gloamingone:  based on what you posted, I’m under the impression that he is waiting for the ring to arrive in 3 weeks before he tells everyone….

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like you might need to talk about marriage and what it means to you both, individually as well as together. Did you talk about getting engaged much before? He shouldn’t jump into marriage if he is fearful, and he doesn’t need to hold his fears in – he should be able to discuss them with you. You should flush all that out before moving much further in my opinion. Marriage works best if both people put 100% into it.

It doesn’t at all mean that you shouldn’t get married, or that you made a mistake! But from what you wrote, you haven’t had all the conversations you should have before making that step. He clearly has something on his mind, if he’s not open to talking about it so fresh after the engagement. That’s when my FH and I talked the most about it!

Post # 12
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I agree that he might just want to wait for the ring! My fiance and I picked out my ring together and he asked me to not tell anyone until the ring came in. It was ROUGH to wait but it was fun to tell everyone in person, ring on finger!

The only way to know if he’s regretting his “yes” is to ask him. Maybe he doesn’t want your kids to know because he’s afraid they will tell other family members before you both are ready to announce it? Kids are not good secret-keepers! The fact that he ordered the ring is a good enough sign for me to know he is ready to be engaged but I’m not in the relationship. Just talk to him. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
4176 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I can definitely relate to him wanting to wait for the ring. When you say you’re engaged, most people ask to see the ring or look at your finger, so I would want to wait for the ring too!

Maybe wait til the ring arrives and then if he still is acting strange and not wanting to tell people, then it would be a red flag to me. 

Post # 15
Member
4176 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
gloamingone:  He is the one who said YES. So if anyone made a mistake it would be him and not you I think. He should not have said yes if he didn’t feel ready or was still scared… I am so sorry you are going through this. 

Could it be that it’s just him, and his own insecurities and nothing to do with you? Did you guys get a ring yet?

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