Post # 1
Hi! New to this site as of about two minutes ago. Lol I have a burning question that I’d love advice on, though.
My man and I have been together a little over two and a half years. Things are great 90% of the time. He’s my best friend and wonderful with my two boys. My ex even likes him!
So three nights ago, me being very unconventional, I got down on one knee and proposed. He said yes, and we cried and kissed and hugged.
Fast forward three days. He ordered a ring on Etsy I had my heart set on. Yay!!! But he still doesn’t want to even tell my children (9 and 17). It’s made me very uncomfortable. I feel like hea regretting his “yes.” He said we can tell people after the ring arrives in three weeks.
I’m ecstatic about our engagement, but he avoids talking about it. Granted, it’s only been three days, but still! We talked last night and he admitted he’s scared to get married again because his last marriage was such a failure.
Did I just make a horrible mistake?
Post # 2
I don’t think you made a mistake. He’s a big boy and was capable of giving you a straight answer. I do think that you need to talk to him about what he wants and if he really does want to get married. Maybe all it will take is talking it through with him and making sure you’re both on the same page. I get anxious about random stuff all the time and once I talk about it with someone I feel so much better.
Post # 3
Had you two discussed marriage before you proposed?
why did you decide to propose to him?
Post # 4
Is it possible that he might just want to propose to you with the ring before making it official?
I don’t think you made a mistake, but you can reassure him that if he needs some time, then it’s okay with you and you can hold off on announcing the engagement (if you’d be okay with it), or just have a longer engagement just to give yourselves more time.
Post # 5
Don’t regret your decision. You followed your heart. Good for you!
Post # 6
I think he partly doesn’t want it to be official until you have the ring. So many people ask “where’s the ring?” And he thinks it may look bad on him if you start announcing (Yes even to your children because children talk and he wants them to know it’s real and not just talk)
Of course he is scared. It’s natural. It’s normal especially with second marriages. Just give him time. He accepted and you both were overjoyed.
Post # 7
Oh, thank you all so much! Your kind words really helped put my mind at ease. 🙂
Post # 8
Was it impulsive of you to ask? Did you really think about it before you did? I dont think it’s weird to keep it a secret until you have a ring. Honestly….I’ve never heard of a woman proposing to a man… not that it can’t be done but maybe he’s feeling some type of way about it after – especially now that you all have to tell the story of your engagement 100x over everytime someone asks.
Post # 9
Might be MAN PRIDE. He was obviously in sync with your thinking, but might prefer that the “public version” of your proposal be the traditional way.
To be cautious though- what’s he like during the BAD 10% of the time?
Post # 10
based on what you posted, I’m under the impression that he is waiting for the ring to arrive in 3 weeks before he tells everyone….
Post # 11
It sounds like you might need to talk about marriage and what it means to you both, individually as well as together. Did you talk about getting engaged much before? He shouldn’t jump into marriage if he is fearful, and he doesn’t need to hold his fears in – he should be able to discuss them with you. You should flush all that out before moving much further in my opinion. Marriage works best if both people put 100% into it.
It doesn’t at all mean that you shouldn’t get married, or that you made a mistake! But from what you wrote, you haven’t had all the conversations you should have before making that step. He clearly has something on his mind, if he’s not open to talking about it so fresh after the engagement. That’s when my FH and I talked the most about it!
Post # 12
I agree that he might just want to wait for the ring! My fiance and I picked out my ring together and he asked me to not tell anyone until the ring came in. It was ROUGH to wait but it was fun to tell everyone in person, ring on finger!
The only way to know if he’s regretting his “yes” is to ask him. Maybe he doesn’t want your kids to know because he’s afraid they will tell other family members before you both are ready to announce it? Kids are not good secret-keepers! The fact that he ordered the ring is a good enough sign for me to know he is ready to be engaged but I’m not in the relationship. Just talk to him. 🙂
Post # 13
I can definitely relate to him wanting to wait for the ring. When you say you’re engaged, most people ask to see the ring or look at your finger, so I would want to wait for the ring too!
Maybe wait til the ring arrives and then if he still is acting strange and not wanting to tell people, then it would be a red flag to me.
Post # 14
Sigh. Whenever I bring up being engaged or married, he looks uncomfortable and changes the subject. We had a heart to heart, and he said he’s just scared it will end someday. When I said, “I feel like you don’t actually want to marry me,” he said, “It’s not you. I’m just scared.” That’s where the conversation ended. I was crying too hard to continue talking in a rational manner
Looks like I DID make a mistake.
Post # 15
He is the one who said YES. So if anyone made a mistake it would be him and not you I think. He should not have said yes if he didn’t feel ready or was still scared… I am so sorry you are going through this.
Could it be that it’s just him, and his own insecurities and nothing to do with you? Did you guys get a ring yet?