(Closed) Did I make the wrong decision?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

You never know – this could be the sort of relationship she wants.  I have a few friends who are into very heavy D/s relationships, some 24/7.  That could be what’s going on. 

Post # 4
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JamieinMN: sounds like there are some serious control issues going on in her life.

I have a childhood friend that has always been there for me but the truth is, she is a flake.. She’s flaked out on other parties/appointments and I couldnt risk her not showing up or causing drama on my wedding day so I didnt ask her to be in it.

She may get upset (my friend did and is not talking to me, again and now says she isnt coming to the wedding; as I said she is very dramatic) but if she loves you she will get over it.

Personally, I wouldnt have her in the wedding, you dont need the stress. Its your day, you are the only one you need to worry about that day…

But, as a good friend, I would sit her down alone and let her know that you see that things arent right and that it appears to be a bad situation and ask her to confide in you and offer her help. Usually that kind of control turns emotional/physical, etc. real quick and I would hate to see something bad happen to your friend.

btw, sorry to be so blunt, just keepin it real :o)

Good luck.

Post # 6
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@JamieinMN: To answer your question, no I don’t think you made the wrong decision. You chose your friend to stand by you because she is important to you. Like you said, just give her ample warning and be prepared for her not to attend events as long as you would like — that is what comes with the territory when you asked your friend to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, so there’s a certain amount of acceptance you’ll need to have about her situation. However, separately, it does sound like a very unhealthy and controlling relationship she has with her roommate. It is nice of her to be respectful of his space in calling ahead before bringing you and your friends over, but in light of everything else like the curfew and all, that’s a bit much. It would be good to talk with her about these things in person and have her talk to say her side, don’t just let her sit there in silence hearing a barrage of your concerns.

Post # 8
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@JamieinMN: WHOA….There are so many red flags in this story that I dont know where to begin. I would sit down with her and see what is going on. Talking to others might not get the full point across and her being a mother really hits close t home with me on that since I am a mom and know that nothing in this world means more to me than to have my child near and with me and for her to have her child live with her mom is painful im sure. 

I had a friend who’s ex was similar and the final night of them together involved me sitting on a curb with a ace bandage on my wrist, a sore back, her all bruised and swollen, a friend of ours who was home from college (where he was a 6 foot  defensive linemen) and her ex coming out on a streatcher because we had to save her that night.

She didnt say anything to us and made up excuses for him ALL THE TIME and that night was the last straw.

Post # 9
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow. I’m sorry to hear about that. It definitely sounds like there could be some serious abuse ( emotional and/or physical) going on there. I understand  you’d want her in your wedding, but you can’t pin your hopes to her and moreso to the demands and permissions of her roommate at this point, lest you have your wedding ruined.

My best advice would be to be upfront with her. Tell her you care about her and are worried about her being around this guy. Tell her you’d love for her to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man, but that you can’t depend on her being involved because of her needing to get permission from her roommate. Maybe it will strike a chord with her and make her realize this guy is bad news. If not, let her know  you’re there for her and hopefully she’ll wake up someday. Good luck

 

Post # 10
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@JamieinMN: Well, when you add that in, it does sound like a bad situation.  You can’t disinvite her from being in the wedding.  Just be there for her when she finally decides to get out. 

Post # 14
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@JamieinMN: I think you have a moral responsibility to make sure your friend is aware of his history and this case of child abuse.

Maybe she moved her own child out of the house to protect him./her? Either way, this guy is trouble!!!

Post # 16
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@JamieinMN: She NEEDS to get out of that house! If he abused a 4 week old baby then he will do anything to anyone including her. Im glad her son is at her Mom’s house

 

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