(Closed) did I marry a jerk? CLOSED

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
sunny5:  I think you being very sensitive. I wasn’t there but judging by what you wrote, it sounds like you are frustrated. I do not think, based on what you wrote, that he’s a jerk.

Post # 3
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I think you’re getting worked up over nothing really.

I’m not super handy but I could probably replace a knob and I could see my boyfriend making the same joke. Are your sure your husband didn’t mean it in jest?

And just because he didn’t call one time? I mean, yeah that’s not great but it’s one phone call during lunch. Things happen, sometimes time slips away from you and you forget. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or care.

Neither of those things you listed would lead to me believing he’s a jerk…

Lighten up a little…

If you need more attention/appreciation, just talk to him about it. But from my perspective you’re the one creating an issue where there is none.

Post # 4
Member
214 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think he’s a jerk based on this, just human. I can totally see the diy comment being a joke and maybe he lost track of time at lunch. I think explaining desires would be useful. Expectations just set you up for disappointment and I don’t think rules are the way forward given your examples. Cut him some slack, I’m sure you sometimes slip up.

Post # 5
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How long have you been together? These complaints seem way, way minor. Is it bad all the time? Do you argue all the time? I am failing to see anymore than tactlessness which we all suffer from.

Post # 6
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

I am normally not the person who says things like this, but you’re overreacting, in my humble opinion and based on the limited information you’ve given.

He made a slightly offensive comment, he didn’t call you on your break… these are pretty minute things in terms of the spectrum of an entire relationship. 

Take a step back, take a few deep breaths and reevaluate. He probably doesn’t realize how much these things affected you, so tell him so instead of walking away crying. If comments about you not being handy bother you, say so and be firm and clear. My bf seems to think he can call me a specific nickname all the time, but it pisses me off to no end and actually makes me super angry and can flip my mood. Something so stupid and simple bugs the crap out of me – so I told him so and asked him not to do it again, or to expect me to be pissed off. He got the message loud and clear.

Post # 8
Member
2864 posts
Sugar bee

Hon,

I am usually a straight shooter and I am really trying not to hurt your feelings but I must be honest…

When he said, “the first thing you would ask me to do”… “When’s the last time you did anything that involved a toolbox” then personally, I would have just given him a smart reply back and gone back about my business.  Are you usually a very sensitive person? The fact that something like this made  you cry just…’sighs’  Trust me, you have to get tougher skin. You dont want your man to feel that he has to tiptoe around your feelings or see you break down as a result all the time.  Okay, so he was being a bit of a smart alec…so what????? To me, he wasn’t disrespectful. There are times in relationships where you will joke around with each other and sometimes be a little sarcastic. Learn to brush things off that aren’t that serious else your feelings will be hurt a lot.

As far as the phone call? I understand that he was supposed to call you at lunch time.  But, he may have been reading and the time flew by. Again, so what? I know my guy loves me and most of the time when he doesn’t call even though he said he would, it’s because he got caught up doing something else. He tells me he did and then I ‘keep it moving’…no big deal.  Although you are married, it is good for you to still have your own life and hobbies and then when your husband does something minor, you won’t always take it to heart. It’s a different situation if he consistently tells you he will call and doesn’t. Then, maybe it is time to have a conversation. But, sometimes we forget/get caught up with our lives. I would suggest to stop taking very minor things so personally.

 

Post # 9
Member
699 posts
Busy bee

Relax. The knob comment was meant to be funny- at least that’s how I would take it. He got sidetracked at lunch- not a big deal. If you want him to call you- tell him- say hey I would really appreciate it if you would call me on your lunch break. With men you have to tell them exactly what you want.

Stop thinking that you “have” to be a certain way because you are newlyweds- be yourselves.

Post # 10
Member
683 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

He doesn’t seem like a jerk, he seems like a guy. Just based on what you wrote. 

Post # 11
Member
556 posts
Busy bee

Its hard to say whether you married a jerk. You should probably wait until he does something jerk-like. 

My Fiance often teases me with stuff like the door knob thing. I say something like “When you can cook without setting off the smoke alarm, I’ll agree with you”. 

Seriously, if these are the worst things you face in married life, you’ve got a decent marriage. But clearly it bothers you…. so I’m curious as to why? Have you been together long?

Post # 12
Member
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Girl… No. Step back and take a breath. it really seems like you are making trouble where there isn’t any. Besides, do you want him to call you because you will be mad if he doesn’t?

Post # 13
Member
4463 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

All of this seems like it could be resolved with a rational adult conversation.

Post # 14
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m confused. What happened?

Post # 15
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Kaymar:  So I’m not the only lost one here….

OP must’ve deleted something.

The topic ‘did I marry a jerk? CLOSED’ is closed to new replies.

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