(Closed) did i mess it up?! kinda long but please read :/

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I don’t mean this to be rude but how old are you guys again? I feel like there are a lot of games being played and not a lot of honest conversations. you both need to sit down like adults and lay your feelings on the table. You need to open up the lines of communication, welcome honesty and really hear what the other is saying.  i don’t think you messed up by telling him about the wedding ring comment because I don’t think that’s the issue here. I think the issue is that you think he won’t propose because of a silly comment and that he’s giving completely contrary statements about if and when. 

Post # 5
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Jellybones:  My first question was also about age. If you guys want different things, then you want diffeent things, and there’s nothing you can really do about it. But it sounds like you two have communication issues that you need to work out as adults. You need to be able to tell him how you feel without him feeling pressured or getting upset, and vice versa. I really don’t mean this to be mean or rude, but this sounds like this relationship is just a little too immature. I don’t know if it is because of your ages (that’s why I asked how old you were), or what, but either way you two need to start discussing your concerns like adults instead of playing these weird games with each other. I agree with PP that the issue here is much deeper than one comment about a ring. You two need to get on the same page.

Good luck with everything! I know it can be hard waiting (trust me), but as long as you keep the lines of communication open, everything should be ok.

Post # 6
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m sorry, but I could barely read your post. Too many abbreviations and ebonics going on.

Post # 8
Member
982 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@xoxlovemeforeverxox:  So it is your understanding that he will definitely propose, you’re just unsure about the when? In that case, I wouldn’t worry about an off the cuff comment. try to focus on the fact that you’ve both agreed it will happen and enjoy this time before the chaos of wedding planning sets in. In the grand scheme of your life, the period before you unite yourself with another person is very short and you owe it to your future self to really relish this time. Make the memories the two of you will reflect upon when you’re wrinkly and grey ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 9
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Jellybones:  +1 to the comment right above this one. BUT, if you’re getting the impression that he never wants to get married, that is different. THAT is something you should talk about and get on the same page about. Otherwise, just sit back and let him do his thing.

Post # 10
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@xoxlovemeforeverxox:  Why are you so centered around him proposing?  That seems to be a large focus for you.  I went through a brief period of this with my Fiance before we got engaged and I had this realization that I was robbing myself of really being in the moment when we were together.  He would start to say sweet things to me and the whole time in my head I was like “Omg this is it!” but it wasn’t and now I couldn’t tell you any of those sweet things he said if my life depended on it.  Relax, my dear!  Get the proposal off your brain and just be present and in the moment!!  I just feel like you’re missing out on some of the fun and lightheartedness of dating by constantly focusing on getting engaged.  Not to mention, guys HATE this!  He may start to feel too pressured and back off completely.  I truly hope he does end up proposing and that you get exactly what you want and deserve, but for right now, just take a deep breath and savor being bf/gf.  If you are destined to be husband and wife, it will be forever…this time is so short in comparison.  Enjoy it! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Jellybones:  Haha we must be riding the same brainwave on this one ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 12
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Men don’t say “I never want to get married” to surprise a woman.

They say that so that when the relationship ends, the guy will have an “out” for looking like the bad guy: “Well, I told you I never wanted to get married.”

The surprise should ALWAYS be secondary. If he is more concerned about whether you are “surprised” than about your feelings, he probably isn’t mature enough to make a commitment anytime soon. Surprises don’t build lasting marriage. Mature, adult conversations; compromise; and mutual compassion do. And it sounds like there isn’t a whole lot of any of that going on here.

If he only plans on spending $400 or $500 on a ring, what could he seriously be waiting for? If it had only been 6 months or a year, that would be one thing, but there’s not a whole lot you’re going to learn about someone in Year 4 that’s going to make you feel any different about them in Year 5, especially if you already have been living together. He already knows everything about you that he needs to know in order to make that decision, and it sounds like he isn’t going to propose. I can’t think of a single woman whose man was saying “I don’t want to get married” after the first two years. You can’t change a man’s mind; you can only hope it will change on its own. And after this long, I have to say the odds of that are not looking good at all.

Have you tried Mr. Bee’s plan?

Post # 13
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

sorry but i’ve never heard of a guy saying he never wants to get married to surprise someone. My Fiance wanted to surprise me, but he never ever said he didn’t want to get married. I think he’s just saying that to get you off his case. Then, when you say where’s my ring? He’ll say what? I told you I never wanted to get married..

Good luck! Honestly, I don’t think anything you say or don’t say to him will change his mind if he doesn’t want to get married.  So to your question, did you mess it up, I say no – I don’t really believe there’s much to mess up at this point. 

The topic ‘did i mess it up?! kinda long but please read :/’ is closed to new replies.

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