Post # 1
I wasn’t sure where to post this, but it starts with my bridal shower so I posted it here. I will try to keep it short. My friend D just text me and said she wanted to know why I didn’t have my shower closer to Charlotte (I live outside Charlotte.)
I told her I didn’t plan it and it was surprised by it. She said she didn’t think she was coming because it is too far. It is about a 45 minute drive for her. I always have to drive if I want to see her, she has never been to my house and I have lived here for four years. Oh and this is after she told me last weekend she drove 4 and a half hours to meet some guy she met on some chat web site. I then asked her if she was coming to my wedding and she told me she didn’t know because she was still looking for a date. I told her she didn’t have to bring a guest I just put that on the invite in case she wanted to. She said “Well, I don’t like going to weddings alone because it depresses me.” So I asked her if she can’t find a date she isn’t coming and she told me yes. I flipped and started yelling at her and told her how wrong that was and why can’t she come by herself and just be happy for me. She told me she just would feel wrong without a date. So in my anger I told her not to bother coming and hung up on her.
I know I probably over reacted but she has a tendency to ditch me for men. Over the years she has missed out on things, like my baby shower, because of men. We used to go out together and she would meet a man and leave me alone where ever we were. She has always been very self-centered and one year she didn’t like where I was having a birthday party and wanted us all to leave and when we didn’t she threw a fit and caused a huge scene and stormed out. Other than that she can be a really good friend, when she has time or not up some guys’ rear end. lol Did I over react? Should I call and apologize? Or was I right to be angry? Sorry rant is so long.
Post # 3
No you shouldn’t apologize! She obviously isn’t a very good friend. She basically said a penis is worth driving 4hrs to but you’re not worth a 45 min drive! That’s nuts! Who does that? I think you did the right thing.
Post # 4
You might have physically overreacted (with the yelling) BUT I completely understand why. If I had been in your shoes, after her answer to the question, I would have finished the conversation and not bothered with her ever again. It clearly seems like she doesn’t value the friendship quite as much as you do.
Post # 5
Don’t feel bad! I would have done the same thing. If you want you can apologize and if she’s a true friend she’ll apologize too and tell you that she will come and support you on your big day no matter what.
Post # 6
I think you and I have the same friend.
I agree with the PP that while the yelling may have been a bit much I understand that it was probably years of pent up frustration finally coming out. Having been in your situation last year I can say to just let it go and give her space. She is obviously more of a taker than an equal friend with give AND take. Focus on your wedding and let her have the opportunity to do the right thing by putting your friendship first over a random male.
Post # 7
I don’t think you have anything to apologize for, it is bullshit that she can’t come be there for you on such an important day in your life just because she is single. What a crappy so-called friend!
Post # 8
I have a friend like that, I lived about 20 (or 45ish she moved) minutes away from her and she had been to our house…ummm twice, before we moved to another country…and the she only came at the end of the two years. I literally bend over backwards, and would do anything for her but she could not come visit me, her bf didnt want to drive “all that way” to hand out with me and my SO so they just didnt come…but every time she invited me out I would go, no matter where it was….and she returned the favor twice and I only think ti was because I was moving away and she wouldnt be able to see me in 20 minutes or less again…. (I also kinda think she realized what she was doing and has changed a little for the better)
I 100% agree with your reaction…maybe the yelling was a bit much but if she was such a good friend she would be such a, pardon my language, bitch…
Post # 9
Oh my she has text me back telling me how selfish I am and I should understand that her being with out a date would make her feel awkard because I usually didn’t have a date for anything!!! OMG I really could care less if I ever see this woman again. She is 47 years old but she is acting like a child. Bee’s where do we find these “friends”?
Post # 10
I would have yelled her ass into next Tuesday..
I had a friend like that once and we dont see or really speak to each other anymore. Too much taking and no giving on their part. Your friendship should be a priority to her and 45 minutes is NOT a far trip. Buh.
Post # 11
I agree with all the previous posters. She’s not worth you time or energy. That is a total one sided friendship. Screw her. 4 hours for penis is okay but not for your friends wedding. Thats a bitch.
Post # 12
I wouldn’t even bother calling or texting her back. Wedding planning is hectic enough not to mention dealing with self-centered people. If people can’t be there just for the simple fact of supporting you and your future husband’s union, then they shouldn’t be there at all. IMO.
Post # 13
I used to have a friend like that up until a year ago… I finally lost it and told her how I felt too and she still didn’t feel bad. She said I was in the wrong, I just let it go and cut my ties.
Post # 14
i read your post twice, i tried to see things your friends way just in case but yeah, im not seeing it – if she is prepared to drive 4hrs for some guy she met online but not 45mins for a friend then her priorities are wrong. i know going to a wedding alone isnt a great deal of fun but its not the end of the world either and for a friend you suck up the social awkwardness and smile
friendship goes both ways but she seems to want it all about her and thats not fair
Post # 15
I don’t think you over-reacted….sounds like a sub-par friend as PPs stated due to the ditching you over men she just met thing. I guess it’s good that she’s not a bridesmaid….
Post # 16
….she has never been to your house? and it’s been four years? Now that’s crazy!