(Closed) did I pick the wrong date?

posted 10 years ago in Logistics
Post # 17
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I agree that your sister is overacting, but at the end of the day she is your sister and she is upset.  I wish she would talk to you (as I’m sure you do too!).  You really need to find out why this is so upsetting for her.  Is it really solely because it is birthday and there already considered HER day?  The particular day of birthdays and holidays aren’t really important in my family – meaning if we celebrate Christmas four days early or late because that’s when everyone could get together, that’s fine.  But maybe birthdays and holidays are a big deal in your family or especially to her for some reason.  I think you need to do what you can to figure out why this is so problematic by talking to her and the rest of your family and in the mean time try to look for alternatives.  I would rather change my wedding date (especially so early in the planning process – you just got engaged on Sunday) and have everyone happy on the day and not tainted for the rest of my life rather than sticking with a date.  However, this is just my opinion and everyone’s experiences are unique!

Post # 18
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I would say talk to your sister, and find out if it’s possible to have another date.  From the sounds of it, the sister that layed into you isn’t the birthday girl.  Make SURE that the birthday sister is or is not upset before making another move.  If she is, it would probably be in the best interests of family unity to move your date.  My parents, who got married on my uncle’s 21st bday (necessary due to my dad’s military schedule) were stuck going to family bday parties for my uncle on their anniversary for years.  If in the end you can only do that date, it might not be a bad idea to have the DJ announce her bday and wish her a good one, or something to that effect.

Post # 19
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

She probably wouldn’t have had a problem with it until the other sister made it a big deal.  I would call her and explain that the venue etc. only had that date open.  Could you do a Friday or Sunday wedding instead?  Oh and btw your profile says 4-17-09 not 2010.  When I first saw the date I thought this was an old post that your wedding had come and gone.

Post # 20
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think bdays are overrated – but many people dont. Personally, I think she probably thought it was inconsiderate that you didn’t ASK Her before you scheduled it. But, you can’t go back in the future, so I would honestly just ask her if it it really a big issue (maybe phrase it better than that lol) and also look into alternate dates. It is your sister after all.

Post # 21
193 posts
Blushing bee

You’ve gotten some really great advice, I just wanted to chime in and agree with those who said to try to change the date if possible. I see that a lot of people think getting married on someone’s birthday isn’t a big deal, but honestly I’d be a little miffed if my sister opted to get married on my birthday.

How she reacted is more important than whether or not she “should” be upset about it. If it’s important to her, try to change the date. If it’s not possible, it’s not possible, but she should at least see that you made the effort to change it but couldn’t.

Post # 23
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can guarantee it that there is a birthday on the day of someone’s wedding.  Please don’t take this the wrong way but I think it’s a little silly.  I’d love if someone got married on my birthday.  And you can do something special for her at some point in the reception (singing happy birthday), etc.

I agree with the wise bees above!  Explain it to her…hopefully she’ll understand.

Post # 24
4479 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Ughh… that sucks. But it was nice of you!

Post # 25
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I wouldn’t change it!! She should be excited to be attending such a “party” on her birthday!

My cousin got married this year on my grandma’s birthday and next year I am getting married the day before both of my grandmas’ birthdays.   She felt honored that she could celebrate her birthday on her granddaughters wedding day, surrounded by all of her family.

Post # 26
3445 posts
Sugar bee

I love my sister dearly and I know you do too. BUT if they love you just the same and they know your work schedules and such they have to understand that this is what’s going to happen. Put your foot down. I’ll be the sister, I wouldn’t be happy that it’s on my birthday. But who cares? All it is is a day celebrating the day you were born. Personally I’d think of it as an opportunity to let my *hair down* and live it up a little like it really was my birthday party.

Post # 28
3445 posts
Sugar bee

I like that idea too! Almost considered that ourselves, then we realized it wasn’t such a great idea, besides the fact our mother’s would KILL us! Sealed

Post # 29
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think this is so stupid people getting mad because you put the date on there birthday I put the date on my moms boyfriends ex wife birthday an he tried to get me to change it. Who cares she is an ex I never knew her I don’t care. Its just selfish and silly.

Post # 30
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Thats a toughie.. but I guess it wouldn’t be too tough for me because I can’t figure a freakin’ date out! LOL


I’m sorry that this has happened to you.. i know how it goes with difficult work schedules and trying to figure out what you’ll do with open venue dates.. i guess i would sit your sister down and explain as sincerely as you can that you really don’t have a large assortment of dates available and unfortunately her birthday is the best date for you two. If she really loves you and wants you to be happy then I think she’ll be understanding (though mind you i dont know her at all)! Is this a landmark bday for her? 21? 30? That kind of thing? Or Is she going to be in IN your wedding? A bridesmaid? That can be a bit of a daunting task for her if it the big day lands on her birthday so maybe you could offer/promise to get her something extra special ..i’m really not sure what else would help her to understand that people only get married once (well, most people) and she will have many birthdays to come.

I will keep my fingers crossed for you…good luck!

Post # 31
16 posts
  • Wedding: December 2009

My FH’s brother got married on his birthday. It was no big deal, we dont make huge deals out of birthdays. If it was a sinificant b-day i would be more understanding… 16th, 21st etc. My FH was happy to have a huge party on his b-day.

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