(Closed) Did I ruin a potentially good thing???

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
Member
1462 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

xpretyNpinkStarx:  There’s no rhyme and reason in dating and I agree that you should just chalk it up to the normal dating woes. It’s a waste of time and too difficult to try and figure out why something has fizzled out. Often there is no real reason and one person is just not that interested anymore. Don’t blame yourself for having ruined it – either it really was him and not you, or if you did overreact and turn him off, a guy who’s into you and thinks you’re worth it wouldn’t have been fazed. I did a lot of dating in my 20s and I used to overanalyze as to whether I did something to ruin things. But trust me when I say that once you meet the right guy, there will be no need to analyze. 🙂

P.S. I think it was kinda smug of him to assume that you like him more and actually say that to you.

Post # 33
Member
719 posts
Busy bee

Of course those things didn’t need to be said. You sensed his lack of interest and therefore you asked for clarification as to whether he likes you. I really hate that you think that to be a juvenille response, that was astute in my book.

Post # 34
Member
718 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

xpretyNpinkStarx:  No, I totally agree. He probably could have said things better from the get-go. And prior to my Fiance, I  generally would go into dating scenarios and put all my cards on the table that way we avoid a bunch of micommunications.

I also think that because this was via text that lead to more of a miscommunication. But, I do agree that the remark of “you like me more than I like you” was definitely rude.

And of course, when I’m not directly involved in the scenario, I can give mature advice. However, I’ve definitely responded irrationally to a guy before because duh, that’s life. LOL. And I’m sure, if I recieved a text like that, I probably would’ve told him he’s egotistical and to get over himself.

Post # 35
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

soy:  They sound like they are around 17-18? I am not surprised he doesn’t want to settle down. He doesn’t have a great way of expressing himself but he really didn’t do anything wromg. Dating for one month is hardly stringing someone along.

Post # 36
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

He acted disinterested, you got confused, you asked him if he liked you.

Too many women let themselves get jerked around because they’re too scared to ask the type of question you did.  They don’t want to ruin a good thing. They don’t want to be crazy, clingy, needy.  Maybe you could have worded it differently, but I strongly encourage you to keep being clear about your intentions, and ask for the same consideration in return.  It’ll save you so much time and heartache.  

I think you know by now you should have accepted his answer and not lashed out.  But this clearly was not going to work out anyway.  Sometimes people just aren’t a good match.

 

Post # 37
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

He told you heads up that he “gets bored easily”. The same thing has happened to me, he warned me, I learned my lesson the hard way (it only lasted a month or so of us talking/going to dinner). Then he moved on and I was confused. Never talked again. Wasn’t even very good restaraunts he took me to!! Lol. It’s nothing against you, some guys just are bored and lonely, so talk to someone for a minute, meet someone else and repeat. Rude to lead us on though.

Post # 39
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Some people never want a relationship, or committment, or a marriage, or a family. I don’t think it’s unhealthy to get bored easily if that’s not what you want. The chase and excitement? A lot of people get off on that adrenaline and when the “newness” is done, they’re done. There is nothing wrong with that, as long as both people are “into” that. He was done with you, and while unfortunate, it happens.

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Post # 41
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

For the life of me, I cannot understand how this guy was being a dick. He literally told you the honest-to-God truth in answer to your question instead of leading you on. He basically told you that you are moving a bit too fast for him; that at the moment you two are not quite on the same page, but since he does enjoy hanging out with you and it’s early in the game, he’d like to see where it goes. He was being totally upfront and honest, as I pointed out in my first comment on this thread, and you responded by calling him a dick and telling him never to speak to you again. And yet he’s being the douchebag? Yo-kay. 

Seriously, you sound a bit needy. If you were asking him these things like you are here–with multiple exclamation points and question marks–(DO YOU LIKE ME?????? ANSWER ME!!!!), he was probably a bit put off. Regardless, it sounds likes it’s over, so I’d chalk it up as lesson learned and move on. 

Post # 43
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

OP, I really, really think you should read He’s Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt. I’m serious, not being snarky or anything. Not just because of this situation but just in general. I don’t agree with everything he says but there’s a lot of good, important stuff in that book which I think would be helpful to you. 

Post # 44
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think going out of your way to seek out “studies” for people who bore in relationships or otherwise says infinitely more about you than it does him.

 

 

He got bored of you. It doesn’t matter if these “studies” are true, or what it says about him, or what you think it says about him, or what his underlying reason was. Psychoanalyzing him makes you look more on the crazy side than it does him. He said he was bored of you, and he was pretty honest with that. I think you need to just let this go. It could have gone better, yeah, but it didn’t. There were wrongs on both sides — neither of you are delicate flowers and you both handled it (relatively, calling him a dick was low) well. He just wasn’t into you. Write him off as an experience and find somebody who is.

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Post # 45
Member
8857 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

He was playing the field and decided to play a different field. It happens. By The Way, I would immediately become disinterested in a guy who said he becomes disinterested in a woman if he sleeps with her too soon. Sounds like a virgin/whore complex. Or maybe just immature. Either way, I’ll take a guy who appreciates the whole package, including sex if we decide to go there.

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