(Closed) Did I ruin everything?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you’re doing the right thing, and based on how you described the conversation last night, I doubt it’s gone over as badly with him as you might think.

Sometimes guy need a nudge, even if you’ve agreed to “not nudge” for 6 months. So you verbally vomited on him one time- so what? My guess is that he’s verbally vomited on you at some point too (just not about this, because he’s a guy).

I’d keep the apology and talk short, simply, and sweet. Something along the lines of “I liked what you said last night about wanting all of those things with me, and you’re right- we don’t need all those things right now. It’s nice knowing they’re there in the future. I’m sorry about last night. Back to the old 6 month plan.” End with a smile. It’ll all be okay πŸ™‚

Post # 4
2779 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think you ruined everything. You’re totally entitled to feel the way that you do and sometimes it piles up on us and the only thing we can do is blurt it out. I can’t tell you the amount of times I did that whilst I was waiting – it wasn’t pretty.

But, the fact that you’re able to say “hey, I was wrong to do what I did. I’m sorry. Let’s go back to our lives before yesterday” is exactly the right thing to do. Clear the air, he won’t feel pressured and you’ll feel better because you won’t feel guilty for verbally vomiting on him. Like Miss Taco Night said, I’m sure it’s happened the other way around at least once before πŸ™‚

Deep breaths. And don’t forget to come to the Hive to vent about waiting. Listening and helping is what the Hive does best! πŸ™‚

Post # 5
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you’re doing the right thing. I agree with your mom too, I think his actions will follow. However even though it was a psycho girl moment, I agree that guys sometimes need our psycho girl moments, to help put things in perspective and let our needs be known, and get their asses in gear!! I had a freak out talk like this with my fiance as well around our 3rd anniversary. Someting needed to start happening!! So good luck with everything. But yes, don’t wait another 3.5 years. Instead maybe set a small goal for yourselves. Like if you want to move out of state, maybe start a “we’re moving out of state” savings account. Or sit down online and look at possible places you want to go, together. Set small goals, but don’t overwhelm him or yourself with trying to make everything happen at once πŸ™‚ again good luck!!

Post # 7
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Hi!  While I think that it probably wasn’t the best way to communicate your feelings with him, it’s good that you finally put it out there.  At least he knows how fustrated you are with the situation.  I would at least let him know that while the delivery of the conversation wasn’t the best and you apologize for that, but that you do feel that way and want to know that there is a timeline and goal in place. 

I agree that it’s not best to live life on a timeline – it’s at least good general guide in my opinion. 

-Good Luck πŸ™‚

Post # 8
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sapphirestar: I had several “verbal vomit” moments during the 3 years I was living with my Fiance before he proposed. (We had been together 6.5 years when he finally proposed over labor day.)

I would apologize after and tried to put up a stronger front. We actually ahd a time frame set by end of August this year. Well the last weekend of August came and went and I broke down that Sunday night because I knew he wasn’t going to propose during the week and August ended on a Tuesday.

Little did I know the ring was SITTING IN HIS CLOSET and he had reservations for the next Friday night for dinner.

I think a short heartfelt apology is all that is needed. Stay strong. I remember what it’s like. Fiance and I talked marriage and rings for 2 1/2 YEARS before he finally proposed.

Post # 10
131 posts
Blushing bee

Aw I so relate! I have def had the verbal diarrhea! And I felt the same way you did, like I had ruined things, set us back, or was acting like a horrible Girlfriend. But the thing I realized is this….I want to marry a man that I can have break downs in front of…and have my girly moments, freak out or whatever it is I need to do. And I want that man to be right there for me and not let it shake our relationship. There will be things in a marriage far more difficult than having a little emotional explosion. And once I realized that I felt so much better! Luckily my Boyfriend or Best Friend is that man who knows I’m going to have my moments and gets right down in them with me to let me know hes always here for me.

I’m convinced that its not our drama and veral spillage that drives away men away. Its our aversion to actually showing our true feelings and pushing things down so we seem “cool” about things when we really arent. They can tell, we just give off a vibe that isnt authentic and it just pushes them away.

I think it is GREAT that you told him how you feel. Tactic could improve πŸ™‚ but its all about knowing you can share what youre going though with the person you want to spend your life with!

I know I have rambled on, I am in one of those moods!! I’m sure things will be fine! Give it a day or two to settle down! πŸ˜‰ No worries.

Post # 11
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@sapphirestar: You’re so welcome! Sometimes it’s good to put things out to the Hive, because we’re far enough away from the situation to see that it really isn’t that bad, promise πŸ™‚

Post # 12
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think its good that he knows exactly how you feel – whenever I have those moments of talking too much to my boyfriend, he does accept it as it just being me – no matter what I am talking about I have a lot of opinions and can prattle a lot!

Why not plan a nice dinner and cuddle up and watch a movie on the couch? Show him that while you are wanting to get married and all that slightly scary stuff, what you like most is being with him!

Post # 13
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You definitely havent ruined everything! A firm nudge is what they need from time to time! What is it about the 3 year mark?  Thats when I had my first “verbal vomit” and it worked a treat cos it put us on the same page.  I try my hardest to not verbally vomit oftern but every few months it happens and the strange this is I feel good after it!

I agree with what everyone has said about keeping the apology short and sweet but at least he now knows whats been brewing inside your head!

Post # 15
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Guys need baby steps. But be careful of constant talk and hounding of engagement..it can push a guy away quicker than “I’m pregnant”. Good luck!

Post # 16
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Oh hon, I completely understand the “verbal diarrhea” that can occur when the waiting gets to be too stresseful.

I think you handled it beautifully in your latest communication with him. It sounds like you’re both being so honest, and you appreciate his honesty as well.

Be gentle with yourself, you’re doing great!

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