(Closed) Did I ruin my proposal?

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
490 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you ruined proposal. You are involved in getting a ring that you like. When and how he proposes is still a surprise. If he really surprised you a ghastly ring, you would be posting a different title on this forum!

Post # 3
449 posts
Helper bee

It’ll only ruin your proposal if you let it? If you’re excited to be marrying your SO, you’ll be excited to be engaged. If the ring doesn’t turn out how you want, then it’ll just be a case of taking it to the jeweler to make some tweaks. No big deal.

Post # 4
9592 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

my diamond was my grandmother’s, i gave DH ideas on what i wanted my ring to look like and he had it designed, i knew the exact date of my proposal, but i didn’t know the how.

my proposal was still magical.


Post # 5
1035 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

That’s not your proposal that’s your ring.

Do you know when you’re being proposed to? If not, then it’s still a surprise.

Post # 6
369 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
engie :  Hell, I was involved in the ring talk, the budgeting, loan (it ended up being cheaper with a payment plan and expect to pay if off before interest rate hits), everything. I also didn’t want to see it when completed, for the surprise element, but I accidentally sneaked a peak – thank goodness I did, since the jeweler did it wrong and had to fix. My fiancee is so bad at surprises – he’s so smug and happy with himself all the time (including holidays and bday’s) that he even said how he would propose. Yet, even knowing that, he put such thought and attention – even brought a tripod – that it still was beautiful and romantic. The words matter, the sentiment matter, and even the actual proposal – could have been just at home – was just as special and romantic. The actual moment brings tears to the eyes, even when knowing it, same as I know I’ll be when we exchange vows.

You did not ruin your proposal, you are both just ensuring that you receive what you both will love, it’s an important buy. Remember, this is just the ring, not the proposal.

Post # 7
38 posts
  • Wedding: January 2017

I went to the jeweler with my husband (the fiancé). We picked the stone and designed the setting together. When they sent him a 3d rendering before making the ring he showed it to me for approval:)

I knew exactly what day the ring was delivered to him and was pretty sure he would propose the next time we saw each other, which he did do.

It was still incredibly special and I was so happy to be engaged that I’ve never once considered it to be less in any way just because I knew it was coming and knew what the ring looked. 

It was still one of the happiest days of my life.

Post # 8
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My proposal was not at all the surprise I wanted it to be… btu I don’t care because it still means I get to marry the person I want to, and we have a funny story instead.

Post # 9
10360 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

No. A lot of people don’t have surprise proposals/rings. Totally normal in this day and age.

Post # 10
541 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2026

View original reply
sensoda :  Ditto. Mine was not all magic and butterflies, but I’m just happy we’re together.

My husband proposed with a $15 placeholder ring from Macy’s, which I think was a really smart idea (why don’t more people do this?), and I was involved in the entire ring-making process. I chose the diamond, setting, and set the budget. It was nice going ring-shopping together, and this all happened after the proposal, so it didn’t ruin the proposal at all.

Post # 11
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
engie :  I helped my SO pick out my engagement ring and it actually made the process so much less stressful for him. Yes, I knew a proposal was coming but it was still very special. We stayed at a bed and breakfast at our favorite winery and as I was waking up in the morning he slipped the ring on my figure and told me how much he loved me and asked me to marry him. Totally worth it. I got the ring I wanted and he didnt have to stress about picking out a ring. Plus the ring I wanted was significatly cheaper than the ones he was looking at getting me so it worked out well and saved him money

Post # 14
92 posts
Worker bee

Not at all. I think what you did was smart. Some people have this mentality that a proposal should be a 100% surpise. I know of a few people who have proposed without ever having talked about marriage with their S/O (bad idea imo) and blindly picked out a ring. I think the marriage and ring talk needs to be had several times before a proposal is planned. If not, there is always that risk of the person saying no (money wasted) or her not liking the ring. Many people know it is coming, but the when and how is still a surprise and there is nothing wrong with that. You ruined nothing! I showed my BF examples of rings and described to him exactly what I’d like, and now I’m in the waiting stage as well for the when and how. You have to wear this ring for the rest of your life, and I think it is super special that you both worked on it together.

Post # 15
1208 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

I honestly don’t think you ruined it. It is awesome that you took such an important step together. He may still be able to surprise you with the proposal. That is more or less what happened to me.

My fiancé sent me lots of pictures of rings he liked, and I sent him feedback and pictures I liked. We talked about specs a little bit. He knew I liked intricate settings (cathedral being my favorite) and he was set in getting me aquamarines as side stones (I used to collect gemstones, and aquamarines became my favorite ones after I first saw my fiancé lovely blue eyes). From then on, he found a setting he liked (and that he knew I would love), had it made and BAM! It is more beautiful than what I had envisioned.

I knew he was going to propose sometime soon, of course, since he got a ring and everything. He still got to catch me totally unawares and proposed to me in a (late) Christmas breakfast with his whole family there. What a magical moment that was… His mom got everything on video (still I had no clue he was going to propose, as they are great enthusiasts of recording and photographing nice moments of daily life).

Both of us gave photo books to one another for Christmas, with sweet messages next to our favorite pictures together. Neither knew the other one had picked the same gift – and, hilariously, chose the same cover picture. 

You can see the video of me not having a clue he was going to propose, and taking my sweet time reading my photo book (while his family was going bonkers out of anxiety, lol) here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yKcdoUa33Y&t=207s

Enjoy the butterflies waiting for your sweet proposal day! 🙂

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