(Closed) Did I take the dress code too far?

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@kimberlyr22:  “what would you do if you knew a young guest, or any guest, had the intentions of wearing an inappropriate outfit to your wedding?”

I’d do nothing.  Even if my Future Mother-In-Law wanted to wear a while ball gown, I’d let her… because she will look like an ass, not me!  I do think in this case, if it’s something that is more age-inappropriate, it is the parent’s responsibility to make sure that the minor child is dressed accordingly.  Beyond that, it’s not anyone else’s business to tell anyone else how to dress.

Post # 4
Member
4891 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I don’t think you were out of line. It sounds like that dress is inappropriate for a wedding. You can’t control what every guest wears, but I certainly think you’re well within your rights here. You knew it was inappropriate and you told her. I’d do the same thing in that situation. 

Post # 5
Member
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

The one who is wearing inappropriate clothes is the one who looks silly, and it doesn’t at all reflect on you as a bride. Also, she is FIFTEEN. It is most likely the nicest dress she owns and wants to wear it again.  If she ends up looking silly, well, she looks silly and it has nothing to do with you. 

Post # 6
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think what you did was fine! I don’t understand why some people dress like they are hookers at a wedding – had it happen at mine and we clearly stated smart dress!

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would say nothing. I think you really overstepped here. I understand you want people appropriately addressed at your wedding, but unless you’re going to every guest and telling them what they can/can’t wear, you shouldn’t do it to one particular guest. Not to mention, she’s not going to be taking away from your day at all. If anything, she’ll get a few comments from the older guests, but not your problem to deal with. 

Post # 8
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man took offense because, even though it was not your intention, you basically called her out on allowing her daughter to dress like “she’s at a night club trying to pick up guys and it becomes the talk of the evening”.  She maybe felt like you were callng her a bad parent since clearly her daughter has worn the dress before..

I really do not care what people wear to our wedding or if they are wearing a dress a little too short or a little too tight.  I would be a little peeved if someone came in their PJs or something, but it sounds like the dress is dressy enough for the occasion.

Post # 9
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know you weren’t trying to be mean, but unfortunately, brides cannot dictate what other people wear – so I agree that you overstepped your bounds.  If it here me, I wouldn’t do anything about it.  If asked, I would give my opinion and say that the dress is pretty but not appropriate for the wedding.  But otherwise I would refrain from giving any unsolicited advice.

Post # 11
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@kimberlyr22:  I totally understand why you would not want her to wear it, your looking out for her and there is no shame in that!  Unfortunately though its ultimatley her mother decision whether or not she allows her daughter to dress that way, and I can see how she took offense to that =/

Post # 12
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think your Bridesmaid or Best Man probably took this as an insult to her parenting. The ONLY person telling a child what they should or should not wear – is the parent. And, if the Bridesmaid or Best Man is fine with ehr daughter wearing the dress, you should have left it alone. Obviously the mom is okay with it if she left ehr wear the dress somewhere else, and didn’t see a problem with her wearing it to the wedding. So by saying something about, all your Bridesmaid or Best Man heard was “I can’t believe you’d let your daughter wear that.”

You need to do some damage control. Call your Bridesmaid or Best Man or invite her to coffee and just say that you are sorry, you only wanted to make sure her daughter would wear something that she would be comfortable in – since there will be adults there. But of course, if she is happy that is all that matters.

Post # 13
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you way overstepped here. Her mother can tell her what to wear, you can’t. 

Post # 14
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t think it’s appropriate to insinuate that this dress would make a 15 year old girl look like a hooker! Seriously, people? Do you remember what it was like to be 15 and be so excited about your first homecoming/prom dress?? She clearly just wants to wear the dress again because she loved it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. She’s attending the wedding with her mother! She isn’t going to be picking up men at the bar, sheesh! Personally I think you were way over the line. if a guest showed you a dress they chose for your wedding and you didn’t like it, would you tell them to pick something else out? Doubtful. Just because she is 15 doesn’t mean you get a say in her clothing.  I would apologize to her mother. Obviously if she let the girl out of the house for the dance, it can’t be that bad. 

Post # 15
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@kimberlyr22:  I would have done the exact same thing that you did.  It’s YOUR wedding, and you have every right to make sure people are appropriately dressed.  For other commenters saying that you had no right, I think they’re wrong.  If you told people the dress code was black tie, no one would criticize you for talking to someone who planned to wear khakis to your wedding.  If the Bridesmaid or Best Man is so offended, perhaps her daughter shouldn’t come. At 15, she’s certainly old enough not to.

Post # 16
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you were out of line for two reasons: 1) you can’t tell people what to wear to your wedding; 2) you can’t tell other people how to parent.

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