Did it sting when your ex spouse remarried?

posted 4 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

marine15 :  Limited contact is one thing, but you said in your post that you took advice from him on some matter than you thought he could give you good advice on. I wouldn’t trust him with that if I were you. Be careful. 

Post # 62
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

This happened to my best friend. Three years later, she still misses her ex husband. They were at school and university together and after several years, due to “pressure” (according to him), he proposed but did not quite want to marry her. She said he kept cheating with several women over the years and ultimately left her someone he was cheating with and wanted to marry, who he has married. My friend is finally in counselling after two years of us persuading her, because she couldn’t move on. Have you considered counselling?

Post # 63
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2020

Im so sorry you’re going through this. It seems so unfair, you’re upset and crying and not sleeping and miserable and he’s just happily going on with his life. I have been there. I know exactly how you feel. I remember just thinking how unfair it was, why is HE happy when I am heartbroken?? I didn’t do anything wrong! He’s a horrible person who broke my heart and cheated and HE gets to be happy?!  The thing is, once I truly was over him, it didnt’ affect me at all. Once I had really moved on and *I* was happy, it didnt matter anymore. It took me a year to really be over him and move on. There’s no time on it though, some people take a week, some a year, some 10 years, but as long as you WANT to move on, and you WANT to get over it then you will, it just may take a little more time than you want. I wish you the best, please try to remember there is a new life for you ahead. My ex cheated and left me for the other woman when I was 41, I had to start all over, and after that year of hell, I mean healing, it was the BEST thing that ever happened to me because now I am with my perfect match! I am in a better relationship now, with someone I feel in my soul is 100% mine and committed to me, not half in half out. I wish the best for you.

Post # 64
Member
329 posts
Helper bee

limeandlemon :  Instead of marrying under pressure and repeatedly cheating and leaving for someone else, if he had just not proposed, it would have saved your friend from the pain and heartache that she is going through. I will never understand why some men do this. 

Post # 65
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

kayaa :  Yes, and he did not tell her until he asked for a divorce that he never wanted to marry her and he was always bitter about being under pressure to propose, from her and family and friends.

Post # 66
Member
2914 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

limeandlemon :  I think this happens quite a bit, sliding into marriage because of entwined lives and multiple years together Too bad that guy was such a coward and put her through all that!

Just look at all those waiting for years and years around here….most don’t seem to get the clue that if you have to convince/ repeatedly ask/implore/prod/ request multiple “timelines” he probably doesn’t want to marry you….

Post # 67
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

limeandlemon :  Very unfortunate indeed for your best friend, but I don’t think her situation is similar to OP’s. In her old thread she said that they got married after a short period together, but it was too soon after he split from his ex girlfriend. It’s more likely that he was on the rebound, rather than under pressure to propose from OP.

Post # 68
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

beetobe27 :  You are right that the situations are different in that perhaps there was no pressure in OP’s case. I was answering her question about it hurting when you see your ex spouse remarry, which is what happened in my best friend’s case.

Post # 69
Member
182 posts
Blushing bee

tobeeeornottobeee :  Unpopular opinion. They are divorced and he ran off with someone else, but it does not mean he is an asshole in every respect who wants to sabotage her life by giving her wrong advice. She said he was ‘well placed’ to offer the advice. Maybe he has experience from which she was able to benefit. 

Post # 70
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

mrstodd2bee :  I think they subconsciously know that, but when you have invested years in your relationship with someone, it’s hard to accept that the guy doesn’t want a future with you and have the strength to leave.

Post # 71
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Also, OP, I would go to that wedding. Who cares if ex and new gf/fi are there? You are there for your friend and there will be several others present I imagine? Go and have a good time and avoid your ex if possible. 

Post # 73
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

marine15 :  You’re right to avoid the wedding. It’ll only hurt you more and you don’t need that. Your friend will understand, I’m sure.

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