Did marriage magically change things?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
10412 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Nope. Nothing changed after marriage.

Post # 17
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Nope, nothing changed. Not even my name. 

Post # 18
3185 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

We lived together for 19 years before marriage. My husband and I both felt like things changed. We just felt like more of a unit and more dedicated to each other. 

In terms of cooking, cleaning, finances, etc., that stuff is the same. 

Post # 19
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I guess I’m going to be contrary. At least a little bit. There was definitely a change in attitude when we got engaged after living together 2.5 years. At least it felt that way to me. We felt more like a team and a unit, and acted as such. But I think what changed that *more than anything* was combining finances about 8 months after we got married. *THAT* made us feel like a team with the same goals, and it forced us to learn a lot about each other.


There are other things that have changed – we don’t spend as much time with friends and cook a lot more. But neither of those are directly attributable to marriage so much as *life* changes. Our friends started having kids or started busy jobs, and we both had significant career changes that also take up more time and are trying to buy a new car and get our house ready for sale which is very time consuming. Additionally, I started keto, so I spend a lot of time cooking and meal prepping. Life happens man. 

Post # 20
2796 posts
Sugar bee

We lived together for a year before we got married, and we’ve now been married almost a year and living together for 2. While little has changed in our day to day, I do think there is a greater sense of security and togetherness after marriage. On a day to day level, the biggest change is that we combined finances after marriage. While my spending habits haven’t really changed, there is added security since our pot of money and income is a lot larger and more stable than mine alone. The changes are hard to explain because they’re more like a subtle shift of perspective or feeling, but I do feel like we’re more of a unit than we were before.         

Post # 21
741 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

My friend just got married and nothing changed for him.

When I got married, we switched from living in an apartment within walking distance of downtown to living in a house in the suburbs. We also got a dog and decided to have a kid. So yes, things really changed for us, but it was because the marriage coincided with some other life changes that we decided to undergo. The switch from being cheap apartment dwelling DINKs to higher end of our price range house owning single income family had a huge impact on our social lives. Our friends were not on the path to settle down any time soon and our lives just didn’t mesh anymore.

Post # 22
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

kids changed things but marriage did not.

well except cooking.  we used to switch off and on cooking and food shopping.  after marriage my husband started taking over the cooking and food shopping duties.  then after kids, my husband does 99.9% of the grocery shopping, cooking, and meal prep for the week.

Post # 23
9894 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Nothing changed for us after getting married.

Having a child definitely was more significant as far as lifestyle changes go, IMO.

Post # 24
1518 posts
Bumble bee

I would definitely say marriage changed a lot of things for us.  We lived together for 2 years before getting married and I assumed things would not be different.  But something about saying your vows in front of all our family and friends, and all the pain and suffering we endured wedding planning made us become a solid unit.  Plus my husband changed a LOT after marriage, and he has become the soulmate partner I always dreamed about and wanted in ways I didn’t think was possible.  When I was young, I used to say I’d never get married having heard a lot of horror stories from older women growing up about men taking the women for granted after they made things officials and I’ve been warned about how selfish and very lazy men become after they get married.  I even had a few women come up to me during my engagement saying “enjoy this honeymoon period because your man will never treat you any better once you get married.”

But I can attest that life has gotten SO MUCH better after getting married.  I’m not going to say things became “magically” better, it took whole-hearted commitment and 100% personal accountability on both our parts to accept and heal our issues to be the best partner we can be.  And as a result, my husband and I have really embraced married life and have become a strong unit together.  We were more “self-focused” and way more selfish when we were only dating, but now that we are married, we are more interdependent and our priority is to protect and nourish our partnership.  If I compare our dating life to our married life (we dated for over 6 years with a long 2 year engagement), there is just no comparison in how amazing things are now vs. back then.  

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