(Closed) Did marriage make your relationship better or worse?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Better. Without a doubt.

We didn’t live together until halfway through our engagement, although we would have preferred to wait until the actual marriage. Still, being married feels very different from being engaged. The permanence of your bond with another person makes every argument a little less earth-shattering (because you know that it’s not going to break you up) and every happy memory a little better (because you know that you’ll remember it together as little old people). Making plans feels more real, entwining your financial lives feels less risky, and spending time with each other’s families becomes more comfortable because now they’re your family too.

My husband and I have been married for over a year, and we still brag about it like we’re the first people who ever did it. We get really smug about it, like we’re so clever for having gotten married. It’s obviously silly but it’s a nice feeling, when something goes right for us, to high-five and go, “TEAM GARRETT!”

Post # 18
Member
381 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Way better. But now we get to live in the same country legally, and we are not constantly worried about visa issues keeping us apart. So…that would make it better. 

Post # 19
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think getting married made us feel even closer.

Post # 20
Member
2480 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

What we love about being married is that nothing has changed! But then we’ve been together a very long time and marriage is the icing on the cake.

I was, unfortunately, once married to someone who completely changed the day after our wedding. We’d lived together for 3 years and I honestly thought I knew him inside and out. However, marriage seemed to give him the impression that he didn’t need to bother any longer. We stayed married for several years and even had children but he was never the person he was before the wedding. Not that he was prepared to admit it!

Post # 21
Member
11472 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

BOTH, lol.:)

We lived in completely different worlds prior to marriage, and we only saw each other for a few hours at a time, two to three times a month, before we were married. Nearly *everything* changed.

He had been a divorced dad with children, living in a very small town in a rural area. I had never been married, had lived alone (ny choice), for more than 20 years (didn’t want any more roommates, didn’t believe in living with anyone I was dating), in a major metropolitan area. I made (relatively speaking) very good money and was used to having a lot of discretionary income that I could spend however I wanted. He was used to living on little and, for many years, providing for a family of six.

He and his children are major night owls and keep very late hours and sleep a lot during the day, unless they have work/school obligations to meet in the morning. I am a morning person. They were very used to a lot of noise and clutter. I enjoyed neatness, order, and quiet.

My Darling Husband was looking for someone who would join and share their lives, already set, and in progress. I was looking forward to starting a whole new life with someone as a couple, where one of us just happened to have children. Despite my age, advanced education, and above average intelligence, I still had some very unrealistic expectations of marriage. When subtle influences of “fairy tale” collide with stark reality in a world where the needs of the many outweigh the desires of the one, sparks definitely will fly! Lol. My entire universe changed dramatically on almost every level. It was extremely, extremely hard for me. I still haven’t been able to find any type of job in DH’s (now our) area, so finances are not at all what they used to be for a single girl who used to make almost twice what her husband made and who now makes nothing.

There were a lot of tears and “What have I done to my life?” moments for me. I had to go through a lot of grief over the life I had lost. There was nothing remotely easy about this transition for me. And I know it wasn’t a picnic for my Darling Husband and new family either. However, when we allow ourselves to be changed — even when we don’t know how to change and don’t really want to change — although it requires grief, loss, and death in some ways, we can experience the the start of a beautiful, new beginning. I am thankful to be on the other side of what has been a tremendous adjustment and growth opportunity for me, and I now have a VERY different life. Because I loved and was quite attached to my former life, I am amazed and thankful that I am learning to enjoy the new one. I now have a wonderful husband, four amazing kids (two adults, two teens), two in-law kids, a precious little granddaughter, and a lovable dog. I have so many different blessings that I never would have had if I hadn’t married my Darling Husband. 🙂

Post # 22
Member
11472 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Double post. Sorry. Posting from my phone.

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