We lived in completely different worlds prior to marriage, and we only saw each other for a few hours at a time, two to three times a month, before we were married. Nearly *everything* changed.
He had been a divorced dad with children, living in a very small town in a rural area. I had never been married, had lived alone (ny choice), for more than 20 years (didn’t want any more roommates, didn’t believe in living with anyone I was dating), in a major metropolitan area. I made (relatively speaking) very good money and was used to having a lot of discretionary income that I could spend however I wanted. He was used to living on little and, for many years, providing for a family of six.
He and his children are major night owls and keep very late hours and sleep a lot during the day, unless they have work/school obligations to meet in the morning. I am a morning person. They were very used to a lot of noise and clutter. I enjoyed neatness, order, and quiet.
My Darling Husband was looking for someone who would join and share their lives, already set, and in progress. I was looking forward to starting a whole new life with someone as a couple, where one of us just happened to have children. Despite my age, advanced education, and above average intelligence, I still had some very unrealistic expectations of marriage. When subtle influences of “fairy tale” collide with stark reality in a world where the needs of the many outweigh the desires of the one, sparks definitely will fly! Lol. My entire universe changed dramatically on almost every level. It was extremely, extremely hard for me. I still haven’t been able to find any type of job in DH’s (now our) area, so finances are not at all what they used to be for a single girl who used to make almost twice what her husband made and who now makes nothing.
There were a lot of tears and “What have I done to my life?” moments for me. I had to go through a lot of grief over the life I had lost. There was nothing remotely easy about this transition for me. And I know it wasn’t a picnic for my Darling Husband and new family either. However, when we allow ourselves to be changed — even when we don’t know how to change and don’t really want to change — although it requires grief, loss, and death in some ways, we can experience the the start of a beautiful, new beginning. I am thankful to be on the other side of what has been a tremendous adjustment and growth opportunity for me, and I now have a VERY different life. Because I loved and was quite attached to my former life, I am amazed and thankful that I am learning to enjoy the new one. I now have a wonderful husband, four amazing kids (two adults, two teens), two in-law kids, a precious little granddaughter, and a lovable dog. I have so many different blessings that I never would have had if I hadn’t married my Darling Husband. 🙂