(Closed) Did MIL cross the line? Need opinions please

posted 6 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Did she cross the line?
    YES : (13 votes)
    11 %
    No, you're over reacting : (84 votes)
    71 %
    Maybe : (21 votes)
    18 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I am going to go with mabey. Because she SHOULD have asked first.  However,  the fact that they think highly enough of you to be included in the picture of their card…. well, be glad. 🙂

    Post # 4
    Member
    3220 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    Just send your own cards, too. Not a big deal in the scheme of things, just let it go.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3363 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    I think she crossed a line, however I don’t think it is a HUGE deal.  But yea, I would be a little annoyed. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2158 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    Yes I can see why you’re annoyed, but you Mother-In-Law probably didn’t even think about it because it seems she considers you part of the family.  Next year why don’t you just send out cards with just you and your Darling Husband as your own family so you have your own card

    Post # 7
    Member
    939 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    yeah, i agree, a line was crossed.  but mostly because it irritates me when people sign my names to cards/gifts and i don’t know about it.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2577 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I would not find this a problem in the least, but if you do, raise it with her.

    Post # 9
    Member
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Sorry, I’m going against the grain and think you shouldn’t be upset about being put on their holiday card. I’m under the belief that when you get married, you marry into the family as well and I just can’t follow the reasoning that you are your own seperate family. So many people would kill for a Mother-In-Law that approves and treats them as one of the family – I think it’s better than if she just cropped you out of the photo. Be thankful you are surrounded by people who want to include you in their lives, and leave it at that. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    5668 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would have a major issue with it. I would be very upset if my Future Mother-In-Law signed my name on things without my knowing.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Yes, from the info given, I do think you’re overreacting a bit. It’s nice that your DH’s family of origin sees you as part of the family, which you are, in the extended sense. In most families (maybe not in your DH’s), it’s not an every year occurrence to get pictures taken of everyone. So it makes sense that your Mother-In-Law would want to include the latest picture of everyone in her holiday greeting! Just think, everyone who gets the card is going to see how well your husband did for himself with you. 🙂

    To be fair, signing your name is a bit much, but I figure that she just thought it was a cute touch. No one is actually going to think that it’s from you – they’ll recognize that it’s her card with embellishments. Send your own this year, and then next year, just say that “Hey, last year’s cards were cute, but Darling Husband and I are looking forward to sending out our own this year.”

    All of this is said without a background knowledge of your in-laws, of course. Is your Mother-In-Law often pushy or intrusive? Is there reason to read a passive-aggressive subtext into this card? To me, from your comment about your mom’s reaction, it seems like the real issue is possessiveness between the sets of parents. Are there ongoing tensions there?

    Post # 12
    Member
    6823 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    You are over reacting.  You are now part of their family, so therefore if your MIL wants to send out a holiday picture  of family it is her right to do so.   Sorry you need to suck it up.

    Post # 13
    Member
    51 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Try having a Mother-In-Law that locks your mom in her room at your engagement party, doesn’t speak to you for months at a time, and only see’s you as the person who “took her son away.” 🙂

    Just remember that things could be a lot worse. She definitely should have asked first… But I have recieved many Christmas cards like this in the past where the grandparents have their children and their families in the picture. She is probably just proud to show everyone off.

    Post # 14
    Member
    4054 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    “MIL, I just love the picture we had taken but I think my mom felt a little left out.”  Next year you could suggest that they send a different style card to your side of the family.  As PPs have said, you’re part of the family now, and that’s great!!  As such she should understand about your mother.  IMO she should have mentioned it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I can think of worse things to be upset about. At the end the day this really isn’t worth the energy to be angry about and I’m sorry I feel you’re overreacting. Would’ve it made a difference if it just said from “The Darling Husband Family Name”? Not exactly sure what line people feel is crossed, but I would feel special to be included in something like that.

    Post # 16
    Member
    519 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    She should have told you, but I think it’s nice that she completely considers you a part of the family.

    The whole in-law dynamic is so weird, and I know my mom struggles with “sharing” me, so I would have felt bad if this happened too. But, at the end of the day, you are now a part of two families, and hopefully no one will be seriously upset by this. If you think of it from the other side, I would totally expect my husband to appear in a card with my family if that’s what my mom wanted. It’s so hard to be fair, though! 

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