(Closed) Did my fi betray me 2 months before the wedding? sorry long

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@confused831:  Honestly, for whatever reason, this sounds like the girl is trying to create trouble between you and your man.  I wish there were other ways to prove this theory, but until then, I think it’s best to ignore her and move on with your life.  I sincerely hope this turns out to be nothing horrible.  Good luck!  Please keep us updated.

Post # 4
11434 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

Well, the one thing that bothers me the most about all of this is that your Fiance has used Craig’s list for hook ups before.  That stands out to me.

If you were just dating this guy, I would tell you to proceed with caution, since he has denied it and the girl allegedly has deleted all of the proof. However, if the date next to your name is correct, you’re only two months away from marrying him, and I don’t like the thought of you having to try to ignore your nagging thoughts about this while you’re trying to finalize your last-minute wedding planning details.

The stakes are pretty extremely high here, and the fact that nothing is truly ever deleted from a computer is a good thing in your case.  I think I would tell your Fiance that, based upon all of these factors (your need to be certain, his need to clear himself from any doubt), you would like to take his computer to an expert to have him check to see if any files containing this information have been deleted and are recoverable. This may seem VERY extreme, but, again, this is a serious matter, given his history and the timeframe of your wedding. If you think this is too outrageous a thing to do, perhaps the girl who made the allegations would agree to have her files recovered.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. A relationship without trust is destroyed.  However, trust, without merit, is devastating and, in this case, potentially life-altering.

Post # 5
16 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ugh, this situation stinks, but honestly: I don’t think he did it! You mentioned the shorts and impossible mirror situation in your house! I don’t think he would go to someone else’s house, disguise in yellow shorts and take a pic! It doesn’t make any sense. Maybe she truly believed that it was your Fiance, but a lot of People look a like! And apic in the bathroom is usually not of best quality. Did he even look exactly the same two years ago? Maybe he had a different haircut etc….I really wouldn’t think too much into it, I know this is hard…but it just sounds really unlikely! I wish you all the best for your wedding!

Post # 6
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Yikes. I can imagine you are feeling really torn! I don’t want to tell you to ignore the situation but I also don’t want you to become cold and push your Fiance away because he may be scared off by your trust issues (which I am not saying are wrong). Tough one…I wish you luck.

Post # 7
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Rouquine:  I agree.

I think she is trying to cause trouble…

Post # 8
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I just want to say that I would trust someone I’d been with for a while over someone who posted looking for a FWB (friends with benefits, right?). The only thing even slightly alarming is that you said he had hooked up over craigslist before, but this woman’s story seems full of holes. She sounds like she could just be trying to mess with you. 

Post # 9
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be worried that he has used Craigslist to meet girls in the past- that is kind of a shady way to meet girls, IMO. The thing that I cannot understand is how she deleted any evidence of this email…I delete emails all the time accidentally and then go into my trash bin and retrieve them…I have even searched the trash on my email to retrieve emails from months ago. Did you check your fiance’s sent mail to see what he has sent and to whom?

I think this is a tough situation because not many people that I know use Craigslist to find dates/hookups so it is strange that she would say that he used Craigslist and in fact he has used Craigslist for the purpose in the past.

Honestly I don’t ever think one can be too careful, I would take his computer to a professional. I would rather have peace of mind than find out down the line when you are married that he actually did this or did this while you were married. I prefer that people prove to me that they are not guilty- trust is important, but if you can prove that you are truthful that is better to me than just taking your word for it.

Post # 10
7557 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Why would a random person you met 2 years ago be trying to mess with you? 

If he used to hook up with girls he met on Craigslist before, I think it could happen. I’m wondering if this picture was old, from before you lived in your current house. 

I would proceed with caution and see if you could look into it more. 

Post # 11
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Ugh Im sorry you are going through this. I would never tell someone to do this but in this situation I have to tell ya. *sigh* check the history on his laptop/computer. 

This is two months before you wedding and whether its true or not…you have this on your brain all the time now. 

Post # 12
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

this sounds weird to me. why would she have her friend tell you if she knew she had no proof? wouldn’t that be the first thing a person would ask for? Why did she delete the emails he supposedly sent her?

Also, I would be very skeptical that she would be able to recognize him after seeing him once two years ago. I agree that you should check his sent mail and his trash. Emails usually stay in the trash for a month. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. If he has given you no reason not to trust him and you have a good relationship I’d be inclined to believe him.

Post # 13
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@AlwaysSunny:  I agree…

Does she have a reason to mess with you? Most people don’t meddle for no reason… I would do some serious investigation here, ask her to go through the trash in her email and see if she can pull it.

Post # 14
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is a tough one. I’d check, all his email folders, history and cookies. Otherwise, it’s a leap of faith. It just sucks that there’s no easy way to find out.

Post # 15
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

If you believe him, then let this go- after all, there is no proof.

BUT! If I was you I would keep a close watch. The fact he had used Craiglist in the past for hookups is a big fat red flag.

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