(Closed) did my husband lie to me about money?

posted 4 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t understand what different waiting until you were more established in your job would have on this situation? Unless I am misunderstanding.

Your big problem here is that neither of you are discussing money.  You need to sit down and figure out what both of you feel is “our” money, what is “my” money and how it all comes in and how it all goes out.  Immediately you need to get a second job. Then you both need to understand how much money each of you is bringing in each month and work on a budget together.  

I have no idea why he told you he would support you if he couldn’t, I don’t know if it was pride or if something happened recently in his finances, but you are only recently married and I think if you sit down and open up to each other early enough you will be able to move on from this. 

Post # 3
Member
8412 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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cs12345 :  Maybe he lied or maybe his situation has changed. He would be a better person to ask than anyone here. When you say “I want to be independent financially“, are you talking about yourself as an individual, or you and your husband as a couple? Either way, the two of you need to talk and come up with a plan based on the current situation.

Post # 4
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

It does sound like he lied and purposely mislead you but it also sounds like you went into marriage financially blind which is really irresponsible. You need to sit down and have a concrete discussion about money not these vague ideas 

Post # 5
Member
2236 posts
Buzzing bee

How did you NOT show each other ALL accounts and go over exact figures? You just took this guy at his word – did nothing to protect yourself or validate his claims?

Post # 6
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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cs12345 :  Financial dishonesty of the magnitude you seem to be talking about here may be grounds for annulment.   Assuming you want to stay with him, talk to him about becoming financially stable together – with effort from both of you – and see if his actions back up his words.    He seems to be sending you out for work rather than attempting to pull his own weight, which is troubling.

Post # 7
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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Astra :  financial dishonesty of this magnitude? I feel like that’s blowing this out of proportion just a little.

 He said he would support her but she also needed to make sure that he was able to. They are married, she honestly should have had some kind of idea of the money he was making to see if it was even possible for him to support the two of them. 

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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duchessgummybunns :  that’s what I’m thinking. Yes he’s her husband, but she stated herself she likes to be financially independent so why wouldn’t she see if it was actually possible for him to support them both?

Post # 8
Member
453 posts
Helper bee

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duchessgummybunns :  that’s what I’m thinking. Yes he’s her husband, but she stated herself she likes to be financially independent so why wouldn’t she see if it was actually possible for him to support them both?

Post # 10
Member
4835 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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buzzerbeater :  +1 to this.

“I”ll take care of you” is vauge.  It sounds like neither of you took the time to get clear on money. It also sounds like right now you are not clear on why he isnt’ able to live up to his promise.  Did business change?  Did they have an unexpected expense?  Was he dillusional from the get go?  This will answer whether he lied to you, he was ignorant of his own abilities, or whether things just changed unexpectedly.  

There is no time like the present to start communicating.  You guys need to open up the books and start sharing information in order to move forward.

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee

just talk to him

Post # 12
Member
793 posts
Busy bee

My husband though he was rich before we got married. We went over each others financials before he proposed. Turns out he was wrong, lol.

Post # 13
Member
7972 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Make an appointment with a financial planner. Get clear on what is his and what is his family’s in his businesses, what his obligations are, what his income is and what yours is and can be. Forge a new plan for your own budget and home improvement projects. You are in this together–deal with things as if you are in this together. 

Post # 14
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

you say your business is successful,but now you’re experiencing out of season slow down- I suppose he could say same of you, OP.

bottom line, though, is both of you seem uneducated about financial planning, budgeting, etc. as well as being unaware of each other’s situations, you’re unaware of your own. Surely you anticipated off season for a business built on weddings? I’m just saying, you both can grow in this area! 

you can use this to bond and grow stronger as a couple of you’re both willing to do financial work together. You guys sound like you could benefit from one of the financial classes/methods available. 

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