(Closed) Did people ask you if you were changing your name? Did they respect your choice?

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Did people ask you if you were changing your last name?
    Yes, and they respected the name I chose : (41 votes)
    38 %
    Yes, and they decided to call me by the name they prefered : (10 votes)
    9 %
    No, they just assumed it was changed : (52 votes)
    48 %
    No, they just assumed it stayed the same : (6 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3968 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @AlwaysSunny:  I’ve asked other brides about their decisions– just because I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet either! And I like hearing different people’s philsophy and rationale behind their decision. I hinted to my mother that I might not change, and she was so surprised because “it’s just what you do.” I have decided, though, if I do not change my name legally, I won’t be upset if I’m called Mrs. HisLastName. I don’t expect everyone in my life to somehow know I haven’t changed it– and I can understand why they may (incorrectly) assume, but I don’t think it’s a malicious assumption. Any one that gives you grief about any decision relating to your name is just not worth talking to ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 4
    Member
    2359 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i started word of mouth that i was keeping my name, we told our parents first of course.  But even though everyone knew, some of his relatives still send us mail and put my last name as his and it kinda makes me angry.  I didn’t change it for reasons, and they knew, so I feel like they are doing it on purpose.  

     

    Post # 5
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Everyone who knows us knows that I would never have changed my name. I have a professional and personal identity, and I never even considered changing. My brother just shakes his head and calls me a feminist as if that’s a bad word (in kind of a joking way–we’re close), but I haven’t heard anything negative from anyone else. Probably because everyone who knows us knows that I don’t tolerate any negativity or drama. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Since most of my friends are either professionals or hardcore feminists or both, I have many friends with a different last name from their kids. None have reported having any problems traveling internationally, which was my only concern, so I’m not worrying.

    Interstingly, FI’s sister and I have the same first name, and when she married she kept her name as well, so if I did take FI’s name, there would be two Amy Hislastnames!

    Post # 6
    Member
    280 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Everyone who knows us knows that I would never have changed my name. I have a professional and personal identity, and I never even considered changing. My brother just shakes his head and calls me a feminist as if that’s a bad word (in kind of a joking way–we’re close), but I haven’t heard anything negative from anyone else. Probably because everyone who knows us knows that I don’t tolerate any negativity or drama. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Since most of my friends are either professionals or hardcore feminists or both, I have many friends with a different last name from their kids. None have reported having any problems traveling internationally, which was my only concern, so I’m not worrying.

    Interstingly, FI’s sister and I have the same first name, and when she married she kept her name as well, so if I did take FI’s name, there would be two Amy Hislastnames!

    Post # 7
    Member
    1399 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My mother asked what I’d be doing about my name/future kids names. I told her I’d be keeping my name, and any kids would be FirstName MiddleName HisLastName MyLastName… no hypens. That’s the tradition in FI’s country, and I quite like it.

    Since we live in Central America and women don’t usually change their names here, hardly anyone asks. My boss lived in the states for a long time, so when I got back to work from the wedding she said “Hey there, Mrs… what’s your last name now?” To which I replied “******” (my maiden name). She smiled and said “of course!” I had a few students ask this week… I just explained that I love my last name and feel that it’s part of my identify, and I’m the last one in my family to have it.

    No one has had an issue with my decision.

    Post # 8
    Member
    202 posts
    Helper bee

    @AlwaysSunny:  I still prefer his last name (mine’s really generic) but now I feel like changing my name would be giving in.

    giving in to what, exactly?  if you prefer his last name, then take it!

    Post # 9
    Member
    477 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    If you really feel like you shouldn’t change your last name because that’s what people expect and you would be “giving in”, then I think that you should do some serious thinking about what you value more: making your own decisions or going against the grain just for the sake of rebelling. 

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Most everyone just assumes that I’m taking his last name, and I am. That was always the plan.  No one has really asked me about it, but I know that where I live if I wasn’t taking his last name, there would be plenty of comments about it. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    I wouldn’t take offense to people assuming you’ve changed your last name, I doubt people mean harm. It is considered the norm for women to take their husbands’ last name so unfortunately it might just be something you have to deal with if you decide not to “give in” and take his last name. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have plenty of people in my professional life who *pensively ask me if I plan on changing my name. The assumption being that a good many women doctors have established themselves such that a name change could effect their professional life negatively. The rest of the world, when dealing with wedding-related issues, asks exuberantly “What’s your new last name going to be?!?!?!” I fully intend on changing my name, but I understand what you say that when someone assumes you’re going to change it, my reaction is “Eff you! I do what I want! I’m not changing it now just to spite you!” That being said, my Fiance is always so endeared when I mention my upcoming name change ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 13
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    My Fiance feels strongly about me taking his last name… and even though I love my last name and wouldn’t want to give it up, this isn’t something that I feel as strongly about as he does.

     

    However, it annoys me that everyone assumes that I’m going to take his name.  Especially since mine is unique… everyone with my last name in the USA is related to me.  Can’t say that about my FI’s name!  I’m also leery about all of the paperwork, but I’ll get it done.  If I didn’t love my Fiance so much, though, I’d just keep my last name.

    Post # 14
    Member
    7977 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    I have no desire to change my name. It’s a perfectly good name. Nothing wrong with it. Fiance wants me to change it though, and keeps trying to convince me. I tell him that if it’s so important for us to have the same last name, he should change his. He says that’s not traditional. I say that tradition isn’t a universal good. After that, the only reason he can think of is that the man is “the head of the household”. I say “I think not”.

    I very much doubt that anyone will ever respect my decisions about anything, if this wedding is any indication of what my life will be. But I’m keeping my name regardless. Status quo wins out.

    Post # 15
    Member
    12247 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    People just assume that I’ll be changing it! Which I will. FI’s name is AWESOME, and my name is AWFUL!

    Post # 16
    Member
    1227 posts
    Bumble bee

    No one has asked and I figure they don’t expect me to at 38.I would never think to ask anyone else what they plan to do about their surname. I guess frankly, I just don’t care. 

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