(Closed) Did someone's pregnancy affect your wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did someone's pregnancy affect your wedding?
    Yes - caused quite a bit of trouble : (12 votes)
    11 %
    Yes - didn't cause too much trouble : (33 votes)
    30 %
    No : (66 votes)
    59 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee

    We’re dealing with this issue right now. 

     

    My best friend is pregnant with twins (yay!!) – my only problem is that they’ll be somewhere between 1-2 months old on my wedding day. Fiance and I decided no kids at the wedding, except for his 4 high school and jr high aged nieces and nephews. 

     

    My best friend, who also had a child-free wedding, is now super duper upset with me that I don’t want her infant twins at the wedding. Mostly, my issues are space and noise. I’m concerned they’ll cry/fuss during the ceremony or during other ‘quiet times.’ I’m also concerned because we just don’t have room for a double stroller. We are seating tables of 10 in my mom’s backyard, only 60 guests; I can’t see how a double stroller will fit. Space will already be tight, and shimmying the tables around really isn’t feasible. Also, there really isn’t anywhere for her to take them if they do start fussing, because we’re trying to keep the house off-limits to guests as much as possible (another thing my BFF is furious about – “So nice that your mom has been part of my family for over 20 years and she won’t even let me in her house to nurse my infant twins!!” My feeling is, it’s my mom’s house; if she doesn’t want anyone inside, that’s her business. I think she’s being unrealistic, but I understand her point of view).

     

    (During my worst moments, I also acknowledge that my BFF a total center-of-the-universe type, and will do whatever she can to make everything about her and her babies. I’m not proud of that, because usually I’m the anti-Bridezilla and really don’t have strong feelings about most wedding-related issues. But dangit!)

     

    And truthfully, it irritates me that she was so staunchly anti-kid at her wedding and now is flabbergasted that I would feel the same way. Like many other brides, I like kids, I just don’t want them at my wedding. Honestly, even my fiance’s nieces and nephews were a big compromise we had to work out between us.  

     

    As it stands now, BFF and I just don’t talk about it because we disagree. She refuses to see my point of view (typical of her, truthfully), and she doesn’t want to get into a confrontation about it. I don’t have a solution right now, and I keep telling her, “Let’s just wait and see what happens; let’s wait and see how you feel.” 

    Post # 18
    Member
    866 posts
    Busy bee

    I had 7 bridesmaids and 2 were due within days of the wedding. my sister had her baby 4 days before the wedding and was here and in the wedding like a total trooper! The other had her baby 2 days after my wedding and lived about 6hours away so was unable to attend. i was disapointed but it wasn’t a big deal.

    Post # 19
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I seriously don’t understand how anyone could let a pregnancy affect a wedding in any negative way. It is what it is. Be happy for the couple, and move on. Baby trumps Wedding. Every time. At the end of the day, the bride and groom should be concerned with marrying one and another and not all these details that a pregnancy could affect. Unless the baby is going to stop the marriage from happening (which it won’t) then this isn’t anything anyone should ever be upset about.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @DanielsQueenBee:  I undertsand you want “no kids” but 2 month old infants aren’t really kids. They’ll need to be fed and taken care of. You realize the alternative will probably be that your best friend will just not come? Why not allow the infants to come, maybe with your friend’s mother (or someone she trusts) and have that person watch the babies in the home (you should speak with your mom about this – letting two infants sleep and nurse for a few hours would be VERY hospitable of her and wouldn’t hurt anything).

    Post # 21
    Member
    1348 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    My sister was my Maid/Matron of Honor and got pregnant, she was due two months before my wedding. 

    I didn’t care at all that she was pregnant. It didn’t bother me at all. However, it was difficult finding dresses for everyone because she didn’t want to go shopping while she was pregnant. 

    So we had to wait until after she had the baby. Then, my mother made a big stink telling me it was “cruel” to make her go dress shopping a month after she had her baby. (which was a month before the wedding) 

    Really, I didn’t make the big deal about it. I ended up having to buy my dresses off of a clearance rack and it worked out. My mom did get on my nerves with it though.

    Post # 22
    Member
    5474 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I was pregnant at my wedding, but I was only about 7 weeks and luckily had no morning sickness or anything.

    My cousin (also a BM) was pregnant as well, so in the processional we had her be the last Bridesmaid or Best Man walking in and if she felt like she needed to, she could just take a seat in the front row as I made my entrance.

    My brother’s girlfriend brought her 4 month old baby to our (mostly) child-free wedding because she was still nursing and honestly, I didn’t even know the baby was there until halfway through the reception (at that age they mostly just eat, sleep, and poop!)

     

    Post # 23
    Member
    866 posts
    Busy bee

    @JrzyGurl:  If my sister had her baby 4 days later (which was totally possible) that would have negatively effected my wedding. Not that i would have been mad at her or blamed the baby or any crazy thing like that, just that i would have been heartbroken to not have my sister be at my wedding.

    Post # 24
    Member
    1876 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @WillowTreeWade:  Of course, I see that side of it. But I guess I see that as the only “legitmate” impace on a wedding (missing a family member). Anything else is just ridiculous.

    Post # 25
    Member
    228 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Tons!  But it never was too big a deal.

    I was born the morning of my uncle’s wedding day.  The hospital let my mom leave for an hour to watch them walk out of the church so long as she promised to not get out of the car, lol.

    Another friend’s wife had her baby the day of BIL’s wedding.  Her husband was a groomsman and made it to the wedding only a half hour before the ceremony started.

    At my wedding one of my BM’s found out she was pregnant during the hunt for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.  We just adjusted accordingly and her baby was about 2 months old when we got married.

    All in all it just added more excitement to the wedding’s and also made interesting little additions to stories about their wedding days.

    Post # 26
    Member
    2211 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I found out last month that 4 of my friends (25% of the friends I was able to invite) are having babies within a month of our wedding (another is due 2 months before).  They aren’t negatively effecting the wedding, but I’m a little bummed I probably won’t see them on our big day, especially since I attended all but one of their weddings. 

    Oh well, that’s life.

    Post # 27
    Member
    5878 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I voted no but then I remembered…I had a Destination Wedding and one of my best friends couldn’t come because she was too far along in her preg to fly.  It was fine though – didn’t cause any problems.

    My sister was also preg and I was nervous that if she had any complications or anything that she wouldn’t be able to come, but everything was fine.  Luckily she was totally healthy the whole time and she had a totally cute bump.  It was actually perfect that she was just finishing the second trimester because she was feeling pretty good.

    Post # 28
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee

    @JrzyGurl:  I agree that the solution lies somewhere in the middle between “Your babies can’t come to my wedding!” and “My babies are walking down the aisle!” I imagine my mom will come around to being more open to the babies in her house, and my BFF will calm down a little bit about not getting exactly what she wants.

     

    And to be fair, the thread is about babies ‘affecting’ a wedding, not ruining/destroying/ending someone’s life. I’m 100% on board with the fact that babies are a million times more important than a wedding, and that’s exactly what I told my friend when she told me about her pregnancy. I’m over the moon excited for her, and I can hardly wait to hold my new niece and nephew (since she and I are basically sisters at this point). A wedding is just a day, and I’m a lot more interested in being my fiance’s wife forever than being a bride for a day.

     

    That being said, I’d prefer that there weren’t babies crying when I say the most important words of my life, or more importantly, when my fiance says his to me. I don’t think that’s unfair. My frustration is with my BFF wanting to set things in stone and being mad about something that hasn’t even happened yet. The wedding is 6 months away; my point is, let’s just see how it goes.

     

    Overall, I’m incredibly lucky that she cares enough to want to come, and that this very minor issue has been my biggest problem while planning.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1671 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    DH’s cousin and his wife were expecting twins. Our wedding was in Mexico, and she was unfortunately not able to come. Her husband still did though! It was a bummer because we LOVE his wife. She is awesome! But we absolutely understood.

    DH’s other cousin+wife also were unable to make it because they had a brand new baby. Same deal, only sad because we love them so much and would have loved to have them there. But it was totally ok. A trip to Mexico for the family is pretty pricey, and with only one spouse working… There was bound to be some beloved family members that couldn’t be there.

    Overall, it didn’t affect how our wedding went off. It’s all good. 🙂

    Post # 30
    Member
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    His cousin found out they were due a couple of weeks after our Hawaii ceremony, so they had to cancel their flight tickets. We’re sad they won’t be there, but we’ll have dinner with them and meet the new baby next time we’re in their area. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    2837 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @mscuppycake:  We planned our wedding around 2 pregnancies.  One was a GM’s wife who was due, and then SIL was due within a week of her, so we made sure we were out a month past thier due dates to make sure they both had thier babies.  If they were SUPER late with delivery, then they’d just have to decide if they could come- 

    I have to admit- being that we went out of our way to make sure SIL could come, and ultimately be in our wedding- she disappointed us.  My husband does not get upset by much, so I have to admit I was surprised when he told me he text his sister the morning after the wedding.

     

    She was scheduled to arrive at the venue with other SIL- to get hair done at noon.  They showed up at 11:55am, and because the stylist wasn’t there (I told everyone not to arrive before noon- as we wouldn’t be able to get in the venue)- the sisters just left.  They dropped thier dresses off, left, went downtown, tooled around + checked into a hotel.  NOTE:  they did NOT have to check into the hotel.  SIL #1’s Boyfriend or Best Friend was there and he had planned to check into the hotel all along.  The girls didn’t contact me in any way.  They called me at 1pm (I was schduled to arrive at the venue at 1 with my son)- and told me they decided to leave, but we on the way to check in to the new hotel and would be back soon.

     

    Ummmmmmmmm they completely threw off hair/getting ready.  I couldn’t get there until 1pm because of my son- but all of this was handled way in advance.  So hair was running late, and we literally got almost no photos before the wedding.  Such a bummer.  To top it off, I never even saw SIL #1- the one who we planned the wedding around beause of her pregnancy- after the ceremony.  She proceeded to get drunk ridiclously fast at our open bar and left immediately- NOT to get home to baby- baby was sleeping over in thier home town and they were staying in a hotel- but because she was so drunk she could barely stand up!!  That’s why Darling Husband wasn’t so happy.  We weren’t able to get any pictures with her after she left- and SHE’S the reason why we were running behind in the first place!

     

    Another Bridesmaid or Best Man was found out she was pregnant 4 days after I asked her to be in our wedding.  I was super happy for her- but I literally had to hound to buy her dress because she wasn’t feeling great.  I get it- I didn’t feel well in the beginning of my pregnancy.  But she was feeling well enough to travel on the weekends. And she had a few weeks where she wouldn’t even communicate with me through text or email.  It was a bit frustrating- as I hate nagging people.  It would have been totally cool if she had wanted to drop out- I would have understood.  But communication is a must!!

     

     

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