(Closed) Did they not get my gift, or did they forget about thank yous?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

A year for thank you notes? Huh??

Emily Post says 3 months. http://www.emilypost.com/wedding-registries-gifts-and-thank-yous/167-wedding-thank-yous

From “Love to Know Weddings”: “Thank you notes for wedding gifts should be mailed out in a timely manner. Etiquette often dictates that thank you notes can be sent up to three months after the wedding. However, try to get them out within two to four weeks after the actual date.”

Most sites say 2 weeks to 3 months:

http://weddings.about.com/cs/registeringfaqs/f/canceledwedding.htm

http://www.herecomestheguide.com/blog/detail/wedding-thank-you-notes-a-small-thing-thats-a-big-deal/

http://wedding.theknot.com/online-wedding-registry/bridal-registry-tips/articles/a-complete-guide-to-sending-thank-you-notes.aspx?MsdVisit=1

Post # 17
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’ve given a wedding gift, a wedding shower gift, a bachelorette party gift, and two baby shower gifts. How many thank you cards did I receive out of the whole bunch? ONE! At first I was slightly irritated, but then I remembered what my mom told me growing up, you should always give without the expectation to receive. So basically, with that attitude, I’m happy to give a gift and I really don’t care whether I get a thank you or not. Now, is it appropriate to give a thank you card? Absolutely! Am I upset if I don’t get it! Absolutely not….and I don’t plan on bringing it to their attention because when it comes down to it, I have more to worry about than a card I’ll throw away anyway.

Post # 18
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@Ms Mini: I think expecting people to be able to get things done within a month (especially when they might have hundreds of cards to write) is a little unreasonable. After we got back from our honeymoon we were exhausted. We had a lot going on – something every weekend for several weeks and since we hadnt been working for several weeks we were very tired when we got home and didnt have the energy to do much of anything.

In addition, people might be unpacking, moving, getting back into their normal everyday routine. While I dont think that a couple should take a year I think that sometimes  guests need to cut the bride and groom some slack. Planning a wedding is a lot of work (as Im sure everyone on here knows) and sometimes after youre back from the honeymoon the last thing you want to think about is more wedding stuff! I dont think its fair to expect all people to be able to get things done in the same amount of time considering everyones situations are different.

Post # 19
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

View original reply
@PitBulLover: agreed! thank you for easing my guilt, haha. on top of moving into a new place together, add working over 10 hours a day feverishly to catch up on the 3 weeks you missed.

Post # 21
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@pamplemousse: Youre welcome 🙂 I think as long as you get them out within a timeframe YOU find reasonable then you are fine! Obviously dont wait a year…but dont kick yourself if its taking you a couple of months!

Post # 22
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ewww….  I HATE when couples never send out thank you notes. I don’t mean delayed, 3+ months…I mean, never.

I went to a wedding in May and the couple just sent out 1 thank you note to each family- 1 to the grooms side (covering 4 households) and we assume 1 to the bride’s said and their logic was that it “covered” everybody. Um…not quite.

Post # 23
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I have to say I really find it funny when people make excuses about how busy they are and people should cut them some slack because planning a wedding is a lot of work.  Sorry but you chose to have a wedding, no one forced you to do all that work, so that excuse really doesn’t work for me.  Think about the amount of time and money your guests put into buying you a gift.  I think they deserve a prompt written response.  Writing a note takes a lot less time than going out and selecting and buying and wrapping a present (or even just ordering one online.) It’s the least you can do.  3 months is the absolute maximum, but it better have pictures and be the most amazing thank you note I’ve ever seen.  I did picture cards so I had to wait for the photos to come from the photographer and then order the cards from shutterfly.  Every card was out within 6 weeks.. and I was extremely embarassed that it took that long.  All the cards were written and sent within a week of me receiving them from shutterfly.

Post # 24
Member
7691 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

View original reply
@Moose1209: Honestly writing a note does not take less time than buying a gift online or writing a check or taking cash out of the ATM. When I write a note I like it to be personal and have some substance so it takes me a few minutes. Youre right, I did choose to have a wedding, but the people who gave me gifts also chose to give me a gift! Just like we did not get all gifts on the day of the wedding (some are still coming in…3 months later) we did not send out cards right away. Im sure guests understand. Im not really sure what your post was trying to do…make brides feel bad that they arent perfect and cant get everything done in the fastest amount of time? Just because you did it one way and it worked for you does not mean that the rest of brides need to do it this way. My guests did not seem to have an issue with receiving the thank yous when they did.

Post # 25
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I was married July 3rd and we’re part of the bad group that haven’t sent them out yet. We’re doing as another poster suggested and sending them along with Christmas cards. I found out I was expecting a month after we got back from our honeymoon and have either been exhausted or overwhelmed since then. I’m slowly working on them in order to get them out for Christmas but I do feel bad its been that long. Hopefully people will understand.

Post # 26
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@ the OP you’re right, when you don’t get a thank you, it makes it hard to know whether they actually got the gift. With the wedding gift I sent, I was waiting for the thank you because I contributed to their honeymoon using travelorsjoy.com and since it was online I really wasn’t sure how they would be notified so I spent extra money to have travelor’s joy send them a card alerting them to the gift. Since I didn’t get a thank you I still wonder if they know that I got them a gift or if they think I just showed up for a free meal…oh well. However, I am pretty certain that they got the gift, and the card, and they just decided not to send a thank you lol.

If you’re worried about theft, I don’t think it’s inappropriate to say to your uncle that someone may have had sticky fingers and that it was important to you to know that they received your gift.

Post # 27
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s too early to be worried. Six months would be cause for concern, but I’m sure the couples have just been really busy. For example, we went on a two week honeymoon and I started a new job less than two days after we got back. And my husband is in the middle of finishing up his Masters degree so this is an incredibly busy time for both of us. We finished up thank yous for everyone but our closest friends, wedding party and parents (waiting for our photos so we can include a photo of them/us in their thank you) just a week and a half ago. Life happens! I have never heard of thank yous having to be finished within the first 3 months before.

Post # 28
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Its very rude and thoughtless.  I think it would be fine to call them and make sure they got your gift – after all, how else would you know?

Post # 29
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

True Story:

One of my coworkers recently attended a wedding with his gf. 2 days after the wedding, the bride contacted the gf and asked if they had given a gift or card because they “thought some might have been misplaced” and they didn’t see one from them.

THAT is pretty darn rude. Especially when the wedding was a distance away and the coworker and gf had mailed a gift instead of carrying it with them.

 

However, I would wait just a bit longer to ask. But honestly, I wasn’t super close to the couple, I would feel awkward asking (just because it’s kinda calling them out on their lack of etiquette)

Post # 30
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

That’s so funny because I was just thinking the same thing myself.  I attended 3 weddings this summer as well and still have yet to receive a single thank you card! I am starting to think these brides have horrible manners.  But it taught me a lesson – the first thing I do when I get back from my honeymoon will be to write up all my thank you’s!!!

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