(Closed) Did things change when the marriage convos started?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 18
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

not much. at first we started talking about marriage in the abstract (as in, one day, if *I* get married….) then one day it just kind of evolved into “one day, if we get married…”  but this talk lasted for about 2 years before the proposal actually happened! 

it was nice to know that we were both probably going to get married. I wanted that proposal, but was not really in a big hurry so it didn’t put a strain on anything. 

I think the only thing that changed the relationship at all is that we had many looooooong conversations about whether we wanted kids. we knew it was important to get that figured out before we tied the knot.  after too many long, emotional convos, we finally gave up and settled on “no for now, but we can change our minds later” and we felt comfortable with that answer. 

Post # 19
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@jpalm13:  I might have read your email differently than others, so forgive me if my comment is totally not what you’re looking for.

When Fiance and I started talking about marriage, those particular conversations – 80% of the time – were wonderful.  We were both excited about the potential of moving to the next step, we were both happy the other was feeling pretty much the same, etc.

However – the little, silly arguments in our day to day life really picked up – I think it had something to do with maybe an internal freak-out over the change in our relationship.  I have noticed in our relationship that when we go through some sort of growth period – ie, getting more serious, talking about moving in, talking about our future – we get kind of nit-picky with each other.  I think it’s normal – kind of like getting a little nervous and jumpy about the change, which is fine, and then we settle into it.  It’s all a cycle, and in our relationship it’s way more often good than bad, which is really all you can hope for. 

If the arguments are escalating and they’re about things that make you worry about compatibility – then maybe that’s not such a good thing.  But when I read your post I really identified with it – and I wish that when I was going through it I had someone to tell me it was normal. 

Post # 21
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If you’re arguing more over things like chores and little criticisms, I have to wonder if maybe it’s just becoming real for him. Now that you’ve brought up marriage, he’s starting to think about what it would be like spending forever with you- with both the great things about you and the things that irritate him. Maybe try broaching the suject from that angle. I think it’s okay to be nervous about taking the next step and it’s okay to argue, but obviously if it’s too frequent you wouldn’t want to live like that forever.

It’s sort of weird about the cover letter thing… I would be all over it like an English teacher too, that’s just how I am. When Fiance gave me his resume to edit he told me to rip through it and make it better in any way possible, so maybe I just can’t relate to that part.

Post # 22
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

We started talking about marriage in the love bubble phase 😉 we were 17 and it was pretty much fantasy grounded in truth haha. We didn’t really change until we moved in together and then we started arguing a little more. Now that we’re used to living together and being around each other all the time we barely ever argue (: I think it’s all about communication and balance.

Sorry you’re going through this!

Post # 24
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

This did not happen to us. In fact, when we started talking marriage it brought us closer together. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate your relationship with you SO?

Post # 25
1132 posts
Bumble bee

Personally, this did not happen to us. I always feel self conscious and like a crazy naggy girlfriend when I bring it up but he always tells me, these conversations are natural it’s okay lol. Because I always preface with apologies when I bring it up and try not to bring it up period lol. It’s so weird. But he’s totally open to everything and we are on the smae page 🙂 I have witnessed this happen in friend’s relationships though and I don’t see why if the guy is on the same page and wanting to get married why they would be getting mad etc. Blah, men… lol

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