(Closed) Did this just happen

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
431 posts
Helper bee

I have a mix reaction to this – I think when you ask a question such as ‘Did you like my wedding/venue/dress etc” you have to be prepared that people will say something you don’t want to hear. Otherwise it’s better to say “I hope you enjoyed the wedding/liked my dress/venue etc”.

That being said, I never tell people that I didn’t enjoy their wedding – I usually try to compliment them on things that I did enjoy. I especially try to give compliments when I see personal touches because I know sometimes brides (and grooms) work really hard on them and people don’t notice. 

I do have a friend who got married and every time I’d try to eat something (and there was lots and lots of food there) I just felt ill. I thought it was just me because my bf and friends were saying the food was ok… and later when she asked about her wedding/food I said “bf enjoyed it” – I didn’t want to lie and I also didn’t want to tell her that I didn’t eat much because everything I did eat made me feel bad. I later found out that the venue got closed down because it didn’t comply with health regulations… I wasn’t too surprise.

 

Post # 32
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I didn’t ask a friend if she had a good time but we were in a group a couple of months after my wedding and she was talking about her wedding next year and she said “I’m only looking at strapless gowns as I hate all over dresses I’ve seen” (mine had straps, a v-neck), said she wouldn’t offer steak as everyone does (we had steak as one of four options) and said weddings are boring with no kids there (we didn’t invite kids). The looks she got from everyone more than made up for me not saying anything. So she didn’t directly criticise my wedding like your friend did with yours but it was ridiculously obvious what she was doing. I look forward to her ‘perfect’ wedding 🙂

Post # 33
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Really shocked someone would do that!! A wedding is very personal and its just common tact to be complimentary regardless of how it actually went. Every wedding I have been a part of has had something go wrong at some point. It is just the nature of so many things all having to work together at the same time. This person will have problems at their wedding most likely. I’m sure mine won’t be perfect either. And honestly, complaining about an open bar is really nitpicking to begin with in my opinion. Loads of people go the no alcohol route to being with. Some people just always have to find a way to be critical I guess. Don’t let her get to you. 

Post # 34
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Ugh that is CRINGEWORTHINGLY awkward! How did you even respond?? 

Post # 36
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
Waitingforit6 :  Totally rude and I dissagree with other posters logic that because you asked the question be prepared for an honest answer.  Ultimately, if she’s your friend she wouldn’t make you feel bad about such unconsequential events at your wedding. 

Post # 37
Member
5304 posts
Bee Keeper

You were fishing for compliments and it backfired because your friend told you honestly how she felt. Admittedly her complaints were rather petty- especially about the plating lol, but don’t you want honesty from your friends rather than superficial, socially correct answers? 

What I find odd is that this bothered you enough to create an account on a wedding site a month after you got married just to vent about this? Of do you have another account here and you’re just bored ? 

Post # 38
Member
237 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think she was fishing for compliments. It’s completely normal to ask if someone had a good time at an event you’ve hosted. 

While I don’t think friends need to lie to eachother, the comments your “friend” made were extremely petty. It would be one thing if she made mention that the bartender was rude, she was served the wrong meal, etc because that is something as a host I would want to know (so I could leave accurate reviews to the vendors). However, I personally would keep that to myself if a friend asked, but someone more blunt or a VERY close friend could deliver news in a nice way.

But to say you didn’t like the plating… umm what?!?! She was being rude just to be rude and that is pretty clear to me. 

Post # 39
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Seems like someones just jealous loolll

 

Post # 40
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
leilarobs2 :  “Bet her hatin’ ass still ate it”. I can’t. I’m laughing so so hard. Thank you.

Post # 41
Member
1789 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

While it was a rude response, you did ask for her opinion… And she gave it. So I don’t think you can be too mad about this. 

Post # 42
Member
9971 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“Everyone has a friend named Karen, and Karen is always a bag of douche.” (Dane Cook)

Your friend is a Karen. 

Post # 43
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

SO RUDE. I swear some peoples lack of etiquette or just pure common sense amazes me sometimes. 

Post # 44
Member
729 posts
Busy bee

For the record, call me “fake” but if one of my friends asked me if I had fun at their wedding I would say yes I did no matter what so I don’t taint their memory of their perfect day by something petty such as a bartender made my drink gross or there wasn’t a napkin available when I needed one. It’s things like that that the bride can’t do anything about at this point in time. Why make your friend worry or feel self concious about something so stupid after the fact. There is a time and place for a critique. And I feel like this isn’t one of them. Just my opinion. 

Post # 45
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

View original reply
Waitingforit6 :  there’s a difference between asking someone if they’re enjoying themselves DURING an event, and asking that after the fact.

When you ask someone during the event, as a host you’re checking in with your guests to see if you can help them/make it better. For example, you ask your guest at the wedding if they’re having a good time, and your guest responds “it’s a great time, I only wish I had gotten a piece of cake!” Then you can respond, “oh you didn’t get any cake?! We have plenty more, let me go get a piece for you.”

this is not the case after the fact. When you ask a guest after the wedding is over if they had fun, it’s just fishing for compliments. The event is over and done with, so asking if they enjoyed it serves no purpose in terms of increasing their comfort/enjoyment. It’s just about stroking your own ego. As another poster put it, you’re not going to have another wedding to change all the things they didn’t enjoy. So asking if they had fun is pointless except to hear your own accolades. 

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