(Closed) Did wedding planning make you realize all the emotional family drama?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes! That is why we are having a courthouse wedding for my second one.  My first wedding was so drama-filled, that it really ruined the memories I have of it.  And it wasn’t me – I was as un-Bridezilla as possible.  It was mainly trying to get all the parents and step-parents to get along.

Post # 4
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mspartridge:  oh yes. Definitely yes. Some members of family family are terribly jealous and competitive about everything, so as we have had three weddings in the family this summer alone and two new babies, it’s been very much a jealous, drama-filled trainwreck. 

Aunt: “Are you taking notes for your wedding?” at her son’s/my cousin’s wedding… some may think this a harmless comment but I know it for what it is. I told her “uh…… nope!” Her face turned red and she walked away. I smirked. (I’m a terrible person.)

Several relatives: “I can’t believe you’re not having it in a church” / “what church are you having your wedding at again?” / “who is your priest/pastor you’re having for your officiant?” (we are not religious, please stop asking, kthx)

Several people: “It won’t be a real wedding without a religious component” thank you, way to pass judgement on our relationship and our commitment…

Plus my grandmother / aunt getting into a very intense argument after wedding #2 this summer, aunt “bursting into tears” and was so distraught she and her entire family missed my bridal shower the following weekend… and then she lied and said “she was too busy to come, so sorry, by the way I’m adding two guests to the RSVP – and I’m just going to combine all my adult kids’ RSVPs onto one card and send them to you hoping you won’t notice the added guests” what. the. eff.

Yup. I’ve been there. haha I’ll buy a round for everyone so we can just try to laugh all this garbage off…

Post # 5
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I hate to say, but reading threads like this make me even more convinced that our idea for a courthouse wedding is going to be heaven.  HEA-VEN. 😛

Post # 6
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

missstrawbsyouhadthebestideainvitingonlyimmediatefamilyandtwofriends.

Post # 7
Member
2693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

Yes, I have been there as well!! I think it just comes with the wedding-planning territory.  To start, my mom and I have a relationship that goes like this: we are very, very similar.  So, we are either SUPER BFF’s, or fighting until we don’t speak to each other for like 2 weeks.  Needless to say, my mom and I definitely had a few moments of knock-down drag-outs, I had a few bouts of “I can’t believe my mother is like this, etc etc etc”, and just like you…wedding planning brings forth all of the family BS and guilt-tirps, and expectations and opinions that you definitely didn’t ask for!  My family, being large, loud, and Italian is especially prone to a) sharing their unwarranted opinion(s) and b) guilt tripping you if you want to do you own thing.  Because of this, it was especially difficult at times for me to balance what I wanted, and what I knew my family wanted me to do.  For example: I have three girl cousins with whom I’ve grown up with my entire life.  We are all within 1.5 years of each other in age.  Then, we have one more girl cousin who is only 12 years old.  She has never lived in the same town as us, and obviously didn’t grow up with us, so we are not very close to her.  I had my bridal party picked out very early on, and my younger cousin was not a part of it.  I figured 12 was a bit too young to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anyway!  Well, a few weeks into the engagement I started getting murmurings from my aunts and uncles and my own mother “so…we think (youngest cousin) should be in the wedding”  and: “don’t you think it’s the right thing to do to make (youngest cousin) a part of the wedding party?  She’ll feel so left out otherwise”  I ended up making her the “hostess”, because, lets face it–I felt she was too young, and I’m not even that close to her!  It was easier to just suck it up and make her a part of it, even though it was super annoying to have everyone share their opinions about what I should be doing.  It ended up not even being a big deal, but still, it was like all of my aunts and uncles were discussing this behind my back and sharing their opinions with my mom, and then they were trickling down to me in my family’s typical passive-agressive-but-still-laden-with-guilt way until I gave in.

Oh, and don’t get me started on the whole issue of children not being invited and certain cousins of mine RSVP-ing with plus ones when they weren’t allowed one.  I just think it’s allllll part of being the bride!

Oh, and somehow, wedding planning made my in laws even more irritating and difficult.  They had ONE responsibility and it was BEYOND difficult to get any movement on it.  I was so happy to be done with them being  part of any planning I could have cried!

Post # 8
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yes! Yes! Yes! I always knew there were “issues” but all of them seemed to surface when everyone is arguing over “their part” in the (my!) wedding. Most of my family has been okay or normal but my sister’s usual bs has PEAKED and my mom is caught in the middle 🙁

I wish that we would have just decided to elope and not told anyone but our parents. Everything would be perfect if it weren’t for my horrible sister…

Post # 9
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Been there done that… which is WHY I am doing everything in my power this time to “skip the Drama / Trauma”

First time round…

My Parents and I didn’t agree on much, lets just say I wasn’t having a good time for the most part (I avoided most conflicts by just giving in… Hey I was a young 23, and they were footing the bill… which they liked to tell me over and over again… What is that old saying “He with ALL the Bucks, calls the shots”)

So THEIR Church – THEIR Mass – THEIR version of the Invites (this was my biggest defeat) – THEIR vetting the Guest List – THEIR Photographer – THEIR Caterer – THEIR Wedding Cake

I found the best way to cope with the disappointments was just to focus on the aspects that I did LOVE… and things that did get past the “check point”…

MY Dress – MY Bridal Party (I vetoed the cousins as Jr Bridesmaids) – MY Bridal Party Wear (it was formal, guys wore Grey Morning Dress) – MY Flowers – MY Menu – MY Cocktail Party – MY Hand Chosen Wines with Dinner – MY Champagne Toast – MY DJ & Music – MY Trousseau & Going Away Outfit – MY Honeymoon – and of course MY GROOM ♥

Lol there was sooo much conflict in the Wedding Planning, that I remember at one point in time, my Mother threatened not to come (think she changed her mind in the last 10 days leading up to).  And of course more than once they said they’d pull out the funding … sure no sweat off their backs… knowing full well that they were holding the Reception over my head (and they only had put down a deposit, whereby Hubby-2-B & I had to pre-pay so many of the items on our list)

This time round…

I vowed right from the get go, to make my Wedding very different from my first.

So although I was very touched when Mr TTR asked my Dad for his Blessing of our Marriage, I was quick to spout out a strong “NO” when he asked where they should stay in the Myrtle Beach area for the event….

Sorry Dad, but this is an Elopement… just the 2 of us !!

What has changed, is that since I’ve discovered WBee, I’ve found that my being a Encore Bride isn’t a bad thing… society has changed oodles since I was married the first time.  Once upon a time, Encore Brides (especially those “of a certain age”) were destined to have quiet affairs held in a suit and a quick ceremony / sign-off at the Courthouse.  I knew right off this wasn’t for me, so I began GOOGLING on the Internet to see what other “acceptable” options might be out there.

That is how I found WBee.  And am I glad I did, because now I get to embrace my “Inner Bride” as second weddings no longer have to be a hush-hush affair (finding LOVE a second time around is actually celebrated as a good thing).  AMEN

So although we are having an Elopement to a Destination Wedding (just the 2 of us saying our Vows on the Beach), I also get to incorporate some of the things I LOVED so much from my first marriage.

A SPECTACULAR Dress (and I’ve found a compromise between big pouffy white and the restrained MOB look) – GIRLIE Accessories & Shoes – PRETTY Hair & Make-up – a MEANINGFUL Bouquet – EMOTIONAL Vows  – a BLESSED Exchange of Rings etc – PLAYFUL Pictures – a CHAMPAGNE Toast – an INTIMATE Dinner – a GORGEOUS Wedding Night Suite –  and a DOUBLELY AWESOME GROOM ♥ ♥

Not to mention a Back Home Reception that will include… TONS of Friends & Family – SWEET Invites – OFF BEAT Décor – TRENDY Cocktail Party & Nibbles – YUMMY Champagne & Cake  – FUN activities and favours – and some MEANINGFUL MEMORIES for us

PLUS a Honeymoon that I can only dream about… spending time with Mr TTR doing incredible things we love in both familiar places and some new ones (US South Road-Trip and a Caribbean Cruise).

Definitely THIS WEDDING is all about US… not bogged down with my having to deal with other people’s issues.

Other than the workload to make it all come together, there is little to no stress so far… and I don’t imagine there will be much in the months to come.  YIPPEE !!

Honestly, I’m getting to see the ADVANTAGES of being an Older Bride far outweigh those of being a younger gal… IF a Bride can swing it, I’d say… skip the Family Drama, and organize a wedding away… I think even a Destination Wedding would eliminate some of the stresses.  Then come back home to hold a Reception you want as you want it… as it does seem to me that 99% of the issues that come up surrounding a Wedding have to do with the Reception.  If it is truly a Post-Wedding Celebration (ie at another time & day) then some of that stuff dissipates naturally.

Last time my Reception had all the family drama issues… TOO Many of my Parents Friends… and not enough of ours.  The concerns with alcohol (*Rolls Eyes*), Who was sitting where… etc.  Not to mention the folks who just invited themselves as Plus Ones (*Rolls Eyes* again)

My Wedding Reception was most definitely the one my Parents didn’t have when they got married 30 years earlier !!

This time round, Mr TTR and I have chosen to do a very casual get-together / party. Cocktails & Nibbles, Champagne Toast & Cake, DJ & Dancing, some fun activities and give-aways, and a little humour thrown into the mix.  And I LOVE the fact that the Guest List will be EXACTLY who we want it to be.  We have total control in that regard… should be an amazing party !!

In the end I get the Intimate Wedding that focuses just on US (what a Wedding IMO should be), and a Reception that will be all about our FRIENDS & FAMILY… and a true Celebration… (what a Reception IMO should be)

Hope this helps someone… who is just at the beginning stages of the Wedding process,

 

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