Did/Will you change your surname on marriage? What did/does your family/SO feel?

posted 2 months ago in Names
Post # 46
Member
218 posts
Helper bee

I plan to keep my surname. My fiance does not expect me to change it. His family or my family have not asked.

Post # 47
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee

littlebirdbee :  Your response only further proved my overarching point though. 

The OP asked what family thought of the decision to change/not change your last name. Your response proves that the only people using your last name regularly are co-workers/subordinates (/students?). Not close friends or family, but people who don’t really care what your last name is, just that you respond to it.

Or do you imagine people in your workplace would be emotionally distraught if you did or didn’t change your name?

My point stands: nobody other than the OP will be impacted by this. Her loved ones probably don’t use her last name often, the people who do use her last name don’t care what it is. She needs to make this decision based on what works for her, not external opinions.

Post # 48
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I changed my last name to my Husbands because I wanted to have the same last name as our future children. However, I regret it. Even though his last name is so much shorter and easier to spell and pronounce, it has been such a pain in the butt to change everything over. I forget half the time that I’m no longer… and I honestly miss my identity because we moved to a small town where everyone knows you by your last name. I am half debating switching back go be completely honest, but it is such a long process to do.

That being said, it is whatever you feel works best for you. It’s a very personal decision and you shouldnt let family pressure you in any way about it.

Post # 49
Member
339 posts
Helper bee

mrsnitti17 :  Could your kids have both surnames if you switch back? 

I’m from a culture where we don’t change our surnames upon marriage although my fiance is, but I do want to have a common surname with my future kids, so my fiance and I have agreed that they will have both our surnames.

Post # 50
Member
6560 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I agree about not involving anyone else in your decision. It is YOUR decision and will not directly impact anyone else.

My only suggestion would be to discuss surnames if you and your Fiance want children. I changed my name, but had I kept it, I would have had no automatic assumption that any children we had would have taken his name. If I had kept my name, the primary reason would have been to pass it on, though YMMV.

Post # 51
Member
6323 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I didn’t change my name. I never gave anyone the impression it was an option or that their input was needed. My name is my business and mine alone. No one really cared (that I know of).

We’ve attended events and people have put my name as Mrs. HisLastName. And sometimes, he calls me Mrs. HisLastName as a nickname. I think it’s cute; I’m going to put it on a T shirt. But my degrees, my business, my legal documents and my money are under my name.

Regarding your concern about what his family or yours think about what you do with YOUR name, OP, I’d say now is a good time for you to start being clear about where your boundaries are in your life and family. People may have all kinds of opinions about your choices- the more comfortable you are with being clear about where they can share those opinions with you and where they need to keep them to themselves, the better off you will be moving forward as a newleywed, and as a mother (if you decide to have kids).

Post # 52
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2020 - Concord, Ontario

I will change my name I feel that once we have children everyone will have the same last name.  I decided to take her laslt name just because it’s easier to propnounce than mine. One family unit one last name, my opinion only

Post # 53
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

chocco :  My last name is so long that 2 surnames wouldn’t work for us. I actually really like my husbands last name, its just been such an adjustment. 

Post # 54
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

I would keep my own name if it was allowed by law, but it’s not where I’m from. So, I use both my maiden name and his last name together, which happens automatically right after the civil ceremony. 

I have to go to the court to go back to my maiden name after marriage, but I already renewed all my identities and pass etc., too much to deal with at this point.

 

But, in all these my parents or in laws had no say. In fact, my father probably doesn’t even know I have 2 last names now. Never thought about discussing such an issue with any parent. 

Post # 55
Member
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

betyl :  where are you from? It’s horrendous that women don’t have the right to their name there and it’s automatically the men’s name considered the important one. At least you made something positive out of it. 

Post # 56
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

I changed mine for a few reasons. The only person in my family with the same last name as me is my estranged father. He’s not a good man, and I always felt like sharing his name was a lingering link to him, which I was happy to sever. 

I grew up with everyone else in my family having a different surname to me, so changing my name never felt like I was losing a link to them, because that particular link was never there. I liked the idea of having the same name as my husband because I’d never had a “family” name before. 

My husband had no opinion on whether or not I changed my name, he just told me to do whatever I wanted. I never consulted my family on the decision, but as I didn’t share their name anyway, I doubt it would have been an issue either way. 

Post # 57
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

I changed mine. My maiden name was 12 letters long and my married name is 4. It’s also just a really badass name that goes great with my first and I get compliments on it all the time. If we divorce, I’m keeping this sucker. 

If my husband’s last name was bad, I would have kept mine maiden name but under the circumstances, it was too good to pass up. I’m not really the sentimental type. 

Post # 58
Member
2918 posts
Sugar bee

I will keep my name legally, but I will be fine if people refer to me as Mrs. Hislastname.

Post # 59
Member
933 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

littlebirdbee :  hey, I’m from Turkey. Here when women get married their last name automatically becomes either the man’s last name or maiden name and his last name. The only way to change it is to go to a court at this point. I’m furious about it yes, but I’m hopeful that it’ll also change in the near future. It’s in our hands. 

Post # 60
Member
344 posts
Helper bee

Haven’t decided but will probably hyphenate. I don’t think he’d mind if I didn’t take his name at all though.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors