Did/Will you change your surname on marriage? What did/does your family/SO feel?

posted 8 months ago in Names
Post # 76
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I will be keeping my name, as for me going through the hassle of a name change serves absolutely not purpose other than to reduce my identity to “wife of”. 

This decision was very easy and uncomplicated for us, thankfully, as we are not having any children and neither of us are particularly “traditional”. It was never even a conversation really because my fiance just doesn’t care one way or the other and I’d always been pretty open any time the topic did come up in conversation with him or others that I had no desire to ever change my name. In fact, he’d probably find it a bit odd if I did decide to change my name because it’s quite out of character for me. 

I’ve been signing cards and stuff from the two of us as “from the “MyLast-HisLast’s” or “from HisFirst and MyFirst MyLast-HisLast” since we bought our house together and no one has ever said anything about it. 

I have been considering tacking his last name on socially though (ie on social media and stuff), because I do like the idea of acknowledging that I am now part of that family too, but at the same time I don’t really think it’s necessary and if I didn’t like his name or it sounded weird with mine I wouldn’t even consider it lol 

Post # 77
Member
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2021 - Orlando, FL

I think it should always be between you two. Maybe you both could opt for a double last name, if that’s what you like. Involving family in your relationships never ends well in my experience.

I personally am changing mine to my SO’s as I am from a different country and have a long, hard for English speaking people last name. I literally get stopped halfway when I try to spell it, plus my SO has a nice-sounding last name, so it totally wouldn’t hurt ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 78
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I never really even considering changing my name – my name is who I am and it felt really natural to me to keep it. My partner didn’t care either way. My family (older family like grandparents) and a lot of his extended family got us presents (and even still write me checks) that have his last name. I don’t really care and don’t like monogram type things anyways so I just don’t use that stuff ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 79
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: Los Angeles

I wasn’t intending on changing my name, but every once in a while I wonder about just adding his on to mine so that I have two last names.  Not moving my current name to my middle, because I feel that defeats the purpose of keeping my name.  FH says it’s not his decision to make, though he goes back and forth about liking the idea of the same name and not having an opinion.  I offered the option that he change his last name to mine if he wants to actually have the same last name.  Business wise, he’s known and cultivated relationships with his current name, obviously and i could see where it could  impact his work.  My name wouldn’t impact my work at all, it’s more my personal preference – that I like my last name and I like that it reflects (somewhat) my ethnicity. 

I said I could see myself adding his name to mine if he’d add my name to his middle name.  So in some sense we’d share names.  He’s still mulling that over.  

We didn’t have plans for a kid, but if we do end up being able to have a kid, or if we adopt, then I like the idea of the child having my last name if I don’t change my name in any way, shape, or form,  and so we will discuss and see where that goes.  If he takes issue with that, then he can reconsider perhaps changing his name.  

But i have absolutely no interest in completely changing my name to his. I have no idea what my parents think about this, but I imagine they may actually like that I keep our name. My older sister never changed hers and I like getting to keep the same last name as her.  

 

Post # 80
Member
817 posts
Busy bee

(Whoops repeat post, somehow)

Post # 81
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I didn’t read the responses, but I changed my name for multiple reasons. First, I’m not a fan of my maiden last name and always had to correct the spelling and pronunciation. My new last name is much easier to spell and say. Secondly, I wanted my children and entire family unit to have the same last name. To me that was important that my name was fully changed before we had kids. 

Post # 82
Member
409 posts
Helper bee

I will be changing my last name to his – just haven’t decided whether or not to keep my current last name as a middle name.  I’m the youngest of my generation and there won’t be another generation as we are all either too old or unable to have kids, so it would be nice to keep it.

But here, it’s more straightforward just to change my name to his as no paperwork is involved – keeping my old name as a middle name involves paperwork, so I haven’t decided if I can be bothered with that.

My family assumed I would change my name to his (my mother would have 50 fits if she thought I might not!).  He didn’t make any assumptions at all – him changing his name to mine, double-barrell, neither of us changing – he was ok with any of it.  He was just anxious that I didn’t feel obligated to change mine.  

I really like his surname and think it goes well with my forenames (possibly even better than my own surname does) And I’m quite looking forward to having a new name to mark my new chapter of my life!

Post # 83
Member
318 posts
Helper bee

I changed my last name when I got married and it ended in divorce.  I found it to be such a headache to switch it back and I still get odd calls asking for me by my old name which I hate. 
I do like the idea of sharing my husbands last name so I’m still on the fence if I’ll take current SO last name. Time will tell haha ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Post # 84
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I’ve kept my maiden name. I am also an American expat living in another country, so for immigration, legal documentation, etc, it’s just easier that way. I might change it someday if it’s more convenient. I’ve never been hung up on names, and my husband doesn’t care. No one really cares. 

Post # 85
Member
807 posts
Busy bee

I kept my name. My husband didn’t mind a bit. My family thinks I ought to use his last name but they’re pretty conservative that way. 

I have kids and my kids have their dad’s last name, and it’s working out okay so far. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 86
Member
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2021

I’m changing my name actually FOR practical reasons. My maiden name is a PITA for many different reasons. Every freaking time I say my name is some type of formal setting, people have to comment on it and ask a million different questions, usually because they are confused or think it’s funny. FI’s name is just a standard last name and I can’t wait for it. 

Post # 87
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2021 - Australia

my fiance doesn’t care if I do or do not – as he diplomatically says, “it’s your name, it should be what you want!” but I do plan on changing it. I actually cannot wait to have the same name as him. I love my own name – it’s short and easy to spell and his is longer and harder to spell, but it’s more the idea of us both having the same name which I love. I’d be equally ok if he wanted to change to mine.

All of that aside, I might feel differently if his last name was really awful with my first name, if I was the last of my line, or if I had a bunch of publications under my name, but I don’t so none of those things are really relevant.

The other thing which I think would be awesome (and which it turned out one of his work colleagues did!) was smoodging our names together into one – the beginning of one and the end of another. Like, if I was called Smith and he was called Jones we might choose Smones or Jith, type thing. Our combined names are actually kind of cool too which would make this particularly fun!

 oh, and forgot to mention – I have no idea what his parents or my parents think as we’ve never spoken about it! His family are lovely so I doubt they’d care much – I don’t think his brother’s wife has changed her name and as far as I’m aware no one has batted an eye.

Post # 88
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I changed my name. I dropped my middle and became First Maiden Last. I did it because I always knew changing my name was a tradition I wanted to follow. It was just a given for me, and I wanted the unity of sharing the same last name as my spouse and future kids. Professionally I do still go by my maiden name because my business was established under that years before getting married. My family is fairly well known in the area so even people who know my married name still often refer to me by my maiden name just based on association with my parents and habit.

To each their own. Change it, don’t change it….the only people that matter are those in the relationship. 

Post # 89
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hated my last name all my life. It was simple, but did not flow well at all with my first name. It’d never fail that I’d have to repeat myself because my first name is not common (though easy to pronounce). People just couldn’t tell where my first name ended and last name began, especially over the phone.

My name change experience was really simple because I was young and only had a few things to change. Now, it would be more of a pain. But I disliked my last name enough that if I hadn’t married, I may have just legally dropped it.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors