(Closed) Did You Announce Your Engagement in Any Particular Order?

posted 6 years ago in Logistics
  • poll: Did you have a formula for how you told your big news?
    Yes! I took great care to notify people in order of their importance to me : (28 votes)
    50 %
    Kinda. I tried to be mindful, but ultimately didn't fret over it : (23 votes)
    41 %
    It made no difference whatsoever. I told whoever I told, whenever I told them. : (5 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I had a several people get upset with me because they found out about my engagement through Facebook. FH had told his sister first and she left a comment on my wall because she didn’t know we hadn’t informed everyone else yet. We didn’t have a particular order we were going to tell people in, but we did want our parents and closest friends to know first. Everyone else would hear eventually. One of my old friends (now we don’t speak) called me crying because I had told my best friend before I told her. At the point I got engaged, this girl and I hadn’t even been talking for a few months because she wanted my FH. So of course I wasn’t going to call and tell her first. 

    Honestly, I don’t see why she’s that upset. If she hasn’t had anything nice to say about your FH while you were dating, it’s logical to assume that she wouldn’t have said anything nice if you’d called her first to tell her you were engaged. She will get over it. I wouldn’t let it bother you. 

    You’re engaged! Enjoy it! 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1486 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am someone who is upset about the order an engagement was announced.

    One of my sisters told my mother and our sister through text message.  I didn’t get the same text.  DH said to give her the benefit of the doubt and wait.

    I did, and I heard nothing, until her mass announcement on Facebook.

    When I found out I was expecting my 2nd, I waited to put it on Facebook until I was able to share the news with her in person, because I never would have made my sister find out something so big secondhand.

    In your situation, however, I totally get not calling someone immediately who had been less than gracious about your Fiance. The fact that you called her at all is more than many would have done!

    You already took the high road and apologized that her feelings were hurt, I don’t see that there is anything else for you to do here.

    Post # 5
    Member
    750 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I’ll admit, I found it very rude when my cousin announced her engagement on facebook (did not call our family or grandparents), and later, when she announced her pregnancy and birth of her daughter the same way. Super, super rude. 

    However- waiting a day to call your friend? No big deal. I can see how she would’ve wanted to know the day of, but I don’t think it’s unreasonable that you took a day to enjoy your engagment, rather than spending it calling every single person you love. I think she’s being immature and is completely overreacting. It could be that she’s feeling jealous/insecure/etc and is acting those feelings out, unintentionally, through this. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @Quietserenity:  I feel like that’s reasonable since it’s your sister.

    I feel like parents, siblings, and grandparents should get a phone call before anything is posted on facebook. Maybe even a best friend or two. Everyone else can find out by text, facebook or word of mouth. My SO and I have talked about this and I’m going to call my parents and brother immediately. He’s going to call his parents, siblings, and grandmother immediately. (We don’t live close to our families, but if we did, I think we would try to tell them in person.) After that we’re sending out a mass text to aunts, uncles, cousins, and close friends and then changing our relationship status on facebook. My family is huge (about 45 aunts, uncles, and cousins on my side) so I’m definitely not calling them all individually, and I have never received a call about anyone’s engagement or pregnancy. It’s either a text or fb message, and I would say I’m very close with my family. After I get a text or see the fb update, I usually wait a day or two until the hype dies down then give the couple a call to congratulate them.

    Post # 7
    Member
    9053 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Everybody was mad at me because they found out on facebook. 

    I called my two best friends on the way to my parents house, told my parents, and then called my grandma.  My grandma told her sister, who went ahead and posted it on facebook within two hours of our engagement, so we barely got a chance to tell anybody.  DH’s parents don’t have facebook so we told them when we saw them for brunch the next morning.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2691 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    After I got engaged, I immediatly went to my Mom’s to share the news with her. I then Skyped my sister who took the computer around the house so I could tell my Dad and Stepmom. After that, I posted on Facebook.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5544 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2011

    I think parents, siblings and grandparents should be told first and not through FB if you have any kind of relationship at all. But I think distant relations and only close-ish friends need to chill and understand you aren’t going to personally call all 1500 people you have ever been friends with to announce it. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1075 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    I called all my family: aunts, uncles, cousins (we’re all really close) before friends (both sets of parents already knew). It was awkward though, because I’ve had a few childhood friends I’ve fallen out of touch with, and don’t plan to invite, call me and ask about wedding plans. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1486 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @Overjoyed:  Actually, I’m not proud of the way I handled it.  I AM happy for her, but it’s not like she knows that, because we haven’t spoken.  No one deserves this more than she does, and I love her FI!  Full disclosure–it’s not like she has tried to speak to me, and I won’t, she hasn’t tried to say anything to me.  Maybe someone told her I was pissed.  Maybe she just hasn’t thought about me at all.  But no, I haven’t told her how I felt.  If she called and asked how I was, or wanted to tell me about her wedding, I can’t imagine I’d say anything like your friend did to you.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    4605 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    @Overjoyed:  I think we have the same friend.  The only difference is several days before FH and I started dating, this girl was actively trying to get FH to sleep with her. So yeah, not going to break my neck to tell her about my happy news because I knew how she’d react. I do think that jealousy could be playing a role in her reaction too. If she’s having trouble with guys then she’s probably jealous that you have a stable relationship and she doesn’t. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    1511 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    After my fiance and I got engaged, I spent the evening sending out a bunch of texts to my family and closest friends to let them know.  I guess I was kind of careful about the order in some ways (for example, my mom received the first text, then the rest of my family, etc.), but it was really just more important to me to make sure those people knew before I made any sort of Facebook announcement.

    @Overjoyed: I honestly don’t think waiting a day to tell your friend (especially if you made the point of calling her) is a big deal.  It sucks that your mutual friend told her, but that wasn’t your fault. I have to agree with some of the previous posters that it seems as though she may be having some feelings of jealousy.  Especially since you said this: She has a lot of man problems (in part because she is shrill, abrasive and over-emotional) and throughout our friendship, I could tell it hurt her feelings to hear that I was dating someone if she wasn’t. Once, with an ex, she told me that she “didn’t wanna hear it” when I called her in tears about a fight we were having. I didn’t hate her for that, but I realized that she’s not the go-to friend when it comes to man-stuff.

    I hope she can get over whatever issues she may have and be able to support you and your fiance.  In the meantime, try not to let it get to you too much … I know that can be really hard, but the two of you should be enjoying your engagement!

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