(Closed) Did you buy for SOs parents or relatives? (Not share finances)

posted 5 years ago in Holidays
Post # 2
Member
701 posts
Busy bee

I buy for my family and he buys for his, but we put on the cards that the gifts are from both of us.

Post # 3
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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akm57:  We’re married this year, so we gave gifts from the two of us. The last few years when we were engaged/just dating and had separate finances, I always bought gifts for his mom, dad, sister, and aunt. I would just feel extremely awkward getting something without having something to give back for it – and it always feels good to give gifts! I would definitely have bought something for them, but it’s a little late for you now. 

If you don’t give gifts for adults…aren’t you an adult? 

Post # 4
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

My husband’s family lives outside of the country so we don’t get to see them during christmas, but he does have a grown daughter (21) that I buy presents for every year.  He also buys for my family.  I think it depends on the dynamic.  If everyone in their family exchanges gifts and you go there empty handed it might be a bit akward.  I would get at least a box of chocholates or a bottle of wine for the family.

Post # 5
Member
6930 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

I started spending Christmas with all of my FI’s extended family 3 years ago (so this will be my 4th with them). The first year I didn’t get anyone anything because I honestly had no idea what to expect. After that year though, I get presents for everyone because that’s just what his family does. Nothing big, but still. For his cousins’ kids (there are 10 of them, soon to be 11), I get gift cards to Barnes & Noble and candy. For his actual cousins, we make something each year. This year we’re doing a “cookie in a jar” for everyone. And when I say “I,” I mean the gifts are from both Fiance and I. We split the costs 50/50 but I do all the buying and wrapping, etc. 

As far as his immediate family, they all get me gifts (like real gifts, not just the little stuff we do for the cousins) and I gift them in return as well. Same goes for my family and Fiance. 

Post # 7
Member
2662 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
akm57:  If his family do give gifts then it would be decent to return the favour. You could grab some nice wine or something.

Post # 9
Member
1133 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

The first few years we were together, I always got his parents separate gifts, but when we got engaged, we started writing from both of us on the gift and now this is our first married Christmas, he buys for his family, I buy for mine, and we sign from both.

Get them a box of chocolates if you’re worried!

Post # 10
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

View original reply
akm57:  I would simply suggest discussing it with your SO. My Fiance and I have been doing the same thing for the past 7 Christmases in that we each buy for our own respective families and then adress some of the gifts as from both of us and a few from us individually.

Post # 11
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

DH is a better gift buyer/giver than me.  He usually just buys for his whole family aunts, uncles, cousins. and it is from both of us.  He usually gets my mom and brother something as well.

sometimes i buy additional for my mom and brother (like this year) but i don’t buy a second gift for his family.  whatever he buys suffices for me.

Post # 12
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My first Christmas with my now ILs was a surprise.  I got snowed into town so I couldn’t go see my own family, and my DH (BF at the time) picked me up from my appartment and brought me to his parents place so I didn’t spend Christmas alone.  I made him stop at the grocery store on the way there and bought a nice bottle of wine (half hosting gift half Christmas present) and that has been what I have done every year.  We tend to get them a nicer present together since we got engaged and married, but I still get a bottle of wine with it. 

Typically, DH picks out the present for his parents, and I pick out the one for mine, but its from both of us now. 

Post # 13
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Absolutely! I usually pitch in on the bigger gifts SO gets his family. I make a lot of handmade goods that his family requests so they get that too. Sometimes I find little things in the stores that makes me think of them and buy that too. I’m pretty close to SO’s family, so it may be different for others.

Post # 14
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I bought all the gifts for my family. We’re trying to save so I told him I just wanted to do one small gift per person. I put both our names on them.

His family doesn’t celebrate it really. So, there would be no point. Just as well, the last time I tried to send his mother something in the mail…we never heard the end of it (because she said we should save out money instead) so, yeah, not going there again.

Post # 15
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2019

My husband buys for his family, I buy for mine. My parents are divorced so dealing with my step brothers and sisters and their kids, its alot of money that I just dont have. I end up just buying for my parents and put our names on it.

This is the first year we decided that, should have been decided when we were married, but oh well. Before I would have to go in on his familys presents and I wouldnt have enough for my own family and it was just like ‘Wait what, thats not even remotely fair’ lol you live and learn 😉

  • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  littlebar.

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