- 3 years ago
TBH, I feel like the only way you guys can get through this together is with therapy. And a big part of the reason I feel that way is your husband’s behavior–the hurtful comments, personal insults, and unwillingness to compromise. If he’s refusing therapy, maybe that’s his cowardly way of saying he’s ready to move on. Because it really is akin to giving up on the relationship at this point. Be clear with him: therapy is going to be necessary to save your marriage. He needs to be honest about whether he’s actually interested in working on the marriage–the marriage to you, as you are right now, not some fantasy marriage to the person he thinks you were 5 years ago.
I know you have basically no free time as it is (OMG know all too well), but I think you should seek out a therapist yourself. You still want to be with him, but you know you need to be true to yourself and that the way he’s treating you is wrong. That’s a lot of complicated emotions to deal with, all on top of a very stressful job. You really need an unbiased professional to talk to, someone that can hopefully help you develop strategies for getting through this trying time and coming out on the other side stronger and more self-possessed than ever.
Again, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You seem awesome, someone I’d want to be friends with and that is a very hardworking and considerate partner (I’m so impressed that you’re the one making plans for novel/fun experiences to ensure quality time together given everything else on your plate). But you can’t avoid the tough conversations right now, and maybe a little distance would be good to give you time to focus on yourself (meet with a therapist on your day off!) and your husband time to really confront the reality of the situation and think about what he wants. The status quo–you doing your best to make him happy while still being honest about what you want, him complaining about you and your marriage but refusing to do anything himself–cannot go on.