(Closed) Did you change your engagement ring?

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 63
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee

i had the same problem I thought I had to have a 1ct or bigger it was just engrained in my head and I scoffed at 1/2 cts and I got my 1 ct solitaire and it was horrible quality it had a visibly cloud with good cut. Now I have a little under 1/2 ct with excellent cut color and other specs it’s a perfect diamond and so much prettier than the bigger one I originally had I also got my dream setting and the setting meant more to me than the stone size. In your case I would get your dream setting- ask the jeweler to remake your ring since he obviously made it flawed and reset your diamond in that. your diamond actually looks pretty big on your finger I would’ve guessed it was .80ct. Also $4500 won’t get you an excellent cut(which I would always consider before all other specs first) diamond with good clarity AND a setting so it sounds like he just worked the best he could with what he had 

 

Post # 64
Member
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You’re going to be wearing this ring for the rest of your life so you should love it, so change it if it’ll make you happy and if Fiance can understand it’s not a rejection of the effort he put into this one. However, if you knew Fiance couldn’t afford what was up to your expectations you should have stated that in order to get what you wanted you would be willing to chip in, from the get-go. I think there’s nothing wrong with wanting the finer things when that’s the lifestyle you can afford, but just because you told him not to buy you expensive bags or jewelry doesn’t mean he could ever realistically afford the ring you wanted anyway. 

Post # 66
Member
7866 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Well, just like you can buy yourself any other piece of jewelry or any bag you wish, you could buy yourself a new ring, too. In that case, what do you need him for at all? He likely figured that if he couldn’t afford what you wanted in the monetary sense, he would make up for it in sentiment. If you toss that away, then what is the ring a symbol of? Your economic prowess? If that’s what you want, go for it.

Post # 67
Member
2181 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

@cheapblingring: I totally didn’t read a lot of other suggestions, so I apologize if this has already been offered…but would your Fiance be open to lowering the head? Just taking the flowery-type center and bringing it down so its closer to your finger? I think the top view of your ring is gorgeous, but the side view shows its really high. And then maybe the possibility of a stone upgrade down the road? FWIW I get wanting a certain size stone. I had a gorgeous non-engagement ring that Fiance gave me years ago with a large-ish stone. I told him my e-ring would need to be more fabulous. Fortunately we went with a sapphire so I could get a large stone for less money, but I would still want a decent size rock even if we got a diamond (like you, we’d been together a long time…over 7 years by the engagement). I don’t think you’re materialistic, it’s just tough when your Fiance has a different vision.

Post # 68
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

@cheapblingring:  Live with it.   As a side note, the comment about you not being a traditional couple cuz u make more made me laugh.  Never knew “tradition” was measured that way.  

Post # 69
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ok, I feel really strongly about this in two ways. 

1.) I did not get want I wanted and felt irritated, wronged, irked etc. I wanted, lusted for and needed a vintage ruby. It was my ONLY direction when we discussed it the one time it came up. I got a gorgeous diamond. It’s beautiful, he designed it with so much thought and love and it was NoT. aT. aLL. What I wanted. I brooded and pondered and finally brought it up because I initially thought I was entitled to everything I wanted and the thought of “living with it” was just unacceptable 

2.) My man was destroyed when I told him and the look of hurt was so brutal on his very understanding face that I immediately hated myself and will wish for the rest of my life I had never mentioned it and gratefully accepted the gift he gave me. It was not worth hurting him and I pretty much loathe myself for it. Also, it’s still kind of a sore spot so my brattiness tarnished a beautiful memory, IMO.

As a side note when we went to pick a band all the ladies remembered him and the ring and commented on his devotion and sweetness in considering all the details and his commitment to “getting it just right” for my profession and lifestyle. Now I wouldn’t dream of changing it because it represents that aspect of him to me. I see “his goodness” in it and it makes it priceless 

do I still swoon for a vintage ruby?  you betcha. however, it was so not worth it in my relationship and I regret it so much. 

Good luck to you. I hope you find what you can live with happily. 

Post # 70
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had a similar situation, my fiancee and I have been together for 6 years. I dropped many hints about what I wanted in a ring and sent him pictures, I also told him I wanted a 1 carat diamond (most girls that I know at work or in my group of friends have anywhere from 1-2 carat diamonds). He finally got a good job and a few months later he proposed with a ring that is designed perfectly and has a .73 carat diamond. He decided to go for the better cut and clarity instead of the size and he couldn’t afford both, which I totally understand. Though I couldn’t help but think about the fact that I had told him I really wanted a 1 carat.

I absolutely love my ring! Though, like you, I also can’t help but notice that it’s slightly smaller than I’d like. I’ve gotten many comments and questions such as “what size is it?” or “it’s kind of small”, those people are jerks and I just tell them I don’t know what size it is. My grandmother also told me it’s small. And honestly, it’s not small, it’s only small compared to other people that live in this city. 

The thing that upset me was that we were together for 6 years and we’ve been talking about getting engaged for 3. So I didn’t understand why he hadn’t saved up in that time. I didn’t tell him that I was upset at first but then it finally kind of burst out. I felt so badly saying anything because I didn’t want to upset him and I’m really impressed with what he designed. We had a few conversations about it and he now says that he wants to get me a bigger diamond and he can’t wait to see it on me. He didn’t have the money then and now he does so he’s excited to get me the diamond I want.

The moral of the story is that communication is key, he told me later that he wasn’t upset about the fact that I wanted a bigger diamond, he was upset that I had been thinking about it for so long and hadn’t said anything to him. You’re starting a marriage, it’s important to let your partner know what you’re thinking or it can hurt your relationship

Hope this helps!

Post # 71
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

I am sorry, but that ring is just about ridiculous! And from what I can tell, is not to your taste at all. I am a super girly girl and wanted a delicate, feminine ring…but that is just too much, even for me. Like you said, it is sweet that he put so much time and effort into the design of the ring…but he did not put much time and effort into considering what your style is. And…I am assuming that if he had put less time and (likely) money into the setting, he could have gotten you a slightly bigger diamond.

My Fiance and I actually picked out the ring together, but boy does a .5 carat diamond look bigger in the perfect jewelry store lighting than it does in real life. And I felt restricted because he had given me a 2,000 budget, which is just insane considering I wanted an intricate setting AND a decently sized diamond. At the time he purchased the ring (for $3,000, which was, granted, over his initial budget), he was making a decent salary, but I was still not happy with what he budgeted for the ring because I felt like he could have put a lot more towards it, but he chose rather to spend his money on toys for himself (like a 25,000 dollar truck -_-).

Anyways, he knows that I have been unhappy with the size of my diamond. And since he got a new job with a nice pay increase about two weeks ago, he finally agreed to upgrade my ring as my Christmas present this year (which was actually his idea, not mine). He even came out said that my diamond was pretty pitiful, which makes me think that he has been feeling pretty bad about not putting in the money he knew he could have. This whole thing makes him sound like a terd. He isn’t, by the way….he just doesn’t like to spend his money on things he doesn’t see as super important/necessary. He couldn’t understand why I cared so much about an engagement ring because, in his words, it is just a symbol. But why, if he can afford it, should I settle for a symbol of love that costs significantly less than the symbol of love he has for his new truck?! XD

I feel like this all over the place. But basically, he realizes now just how important the ring is to me, how much weight I do put on it as a symbol of our love. To him, it was silly to spend more than 2,000 dollars on a piece of metal, but like you said, it is a piece of metal I intend to wear for the rest of my life, and it would be nice to really and truly love it and not feel like I have to say so just so it won’t hurt his feelings. So yes, after he puts in a week or two at his new job, we are going to go back to the jeweler and see what we can do about this diamond. I don’t even want a huge diamond! I would be moooore than happy with something that falls between .75 and a carat.

Sorry I couldn’t offer any actual advice 🙁 But maybe it helps to know that you are not alone and not crazy for wanting a ring that DOES  represent your love and a ring that you CAN love as well.

Post # 72
Member
27 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Ok. After pondering this a little longer I do agree that you could maybe (after a bit of clutziness)  sweetly bring up lowering it because it is very high.  However the top down view is stunning but I think he could easily reckon the practicality aspect of change versus the design aspect. Since men don’t wear many rings with settings it probably didn’t occur to him what a challenge that height would present and I would mention it in a bit And maybe then with that perspective the change would be less hurtful to him. 

Post # 73
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

@cheapblingring: I would change your ring if don’t completely love it. That nagging feeling that you don’t like it will never go away no matter how many times you try & convince yourself that you do. Is there anyway you could maybe use your current center stone as a side stone (such as in a 3 stone ring) so that you are able to keep a part of the original ring he gave you in your new setting? Although I’m sure he’s a bit hurt perhaps by keeping part of the original it might help him warm up to the change.

 

Post # 74
Member
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am not being snarky here, I’m being totally serious: it sounds like you need to break up with your fiancé and find a man to marry with more financial capacity. Or just accept the man you’re marrying and his financial means. The ring he gave you matches his financial capacity. 

 

Post # 75
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I have to say I mostly prefer larger stones, too, as I have larger hands. I have a Moissanite 🙂

Post # 76
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I think it was very sweet of your fiance to go to all that trouble. Some men don’t. My husband has no clue what an engagement ring really means to a woman and he definitely did not put time or effort into mine. I wish he had, because even if it was a super high impractical setting, I hope you can just focus on the love behind it and let the rest go. This will really hurt him if you keep bringing it up.

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