(Closed) Did you change your engagement ring?

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 92
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I just saw the second pic of the ring (somehow missed it before). I really think it’s beautiful. But although its a 1st world problem I really get that it’s just way to high. I’m sure you’d be able to find some way of incorporating elements of the original ring into a new ring if you can agree on it. Put a bigger halo around the center stone, get a great wedding band or whatever it may be.

I still think that it’s incredibly sweet and telling that your man got you this ring. I’m sure it was a huge effort on his side, given his job situation, to save up and buy it for you. I’m also sure your social circle knows that he’s had difficulties finding a good job, and if it were me I’d feel like – and tell anyone who dared critizising my ring – that their whatever carats are worth just as much as your half carat in working hours, efforts and thoughtfulness. It’s easy to spend a fortune on a ring if you have a well paid steady job, and anyone can loan some extra cash for it (maybe all of your friends’ future husbands are secretly indebted, you never know) but your fiance truly earned this ring the hard way and you should be proud of him. 

Post # 93
1000 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

My honest opinion is that it might be emasculating to him if you change it without him being on board.

Post # 94
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Anonette:  +2 (one for the awesome post, one for the awesome picture lol!)

Post # 95
4 posts
  • Wedding: August 2014

@cheapblingring: I’d find a way to work with the ring (lower the setting, get wedding band you love, etc.) Certainly your fiance can understand the practical need to lower it, but it doesn’t sound like you can trade it in altogether without really hurting his feelings.

I understand the frustration that your fiance did not listen to you about what you wanted. But it also seems like he is independent and wanted to do something thoughtful for you, and in that way you are very lucky.

If you have the means to buy yourself what you want, maybe let the dust settle then do that? You can alternate it with your current ring, or switch hands, or whatever you want to do. Down the road when you are married I doubt he is going to care as much what ring you wear, but for now it probably stings because he put so much thought into the ring (and the proposal, it sounds like).

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting something differnent, but I’d look at it in the grand scheme of things and figure out a way to get what you want ultimately without hurting him.

Post # 97
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Maybe trade in the stone and pay the difference ? Or upgrade in 5-10 years on an anniversary so you can try and keep both? Who knows he may get a better job eventually.

Post # 98
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Stevens Estate

I was sort of in the same situation as you. My Fiance picked out my e-ring all by himself and paid for it. When I first saw it I loved it (and still do)…but as time went on and some of my friends got engaged with these 1ct (and larger) e-rings…I felt a little embarrassed by my ring (which was smaller). I felt very selfish for feeling this way…but what the hell! … I am the one who has to wear it for the rest of my life. So I came to him with the idea of resetting the center stone in a halo setting (I love halo rings). He was happy with that seeing as it would be a birthday gift from him to me. Also, I am keeping the old setting and putting a synthetic ruby in it…which I will wear on my right hand. So I totally feel for you and I think you should love your ring for all reasons. Hopefully you can come to a mutual solution with your Fiance like I did.

Post # 99
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@cheapblingring:  That’s good! Yes, that setting is pretty impractical, so lowering it would be my priority. Then I’d buy myself a kick ass diamond (or whatever) wedding band and move the e-ring to your right hand, or only wear for special occasions. Personally, I’d more more hurt that he didn’t listen to me at all, if I were you, and instead went off on his own tangent and designed a crazy impractical setting then gave you crap for not liking it! Geez, men. I’m glad it’s working out for you. And for what it’s worth, the top down view is awesome.

Post # 100
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I am two steps away from changing my vatch trellis to a low profile tulip tiffany replica due to eliminating the ‘hanging’ prong that the trellis has to the open tulip ‘swoop’ prong.

Of course I’ve spent too much visual time on here and pricescope.

Post # 101
7 posts

I definitely don’t think that your materialistic.  It’s just that you want what you want. I’m the same way, and your wants are not going to change.  My husband also knows that I want a big one eventually, he said I just need to be patient.  Counting down the days until he’s done with grad school. 

Post # 102
2766 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@cheapblingring:  I skimmed the posts but if you want a big stone, and his budget is limited, what about a moissanite? You can even get them in a high quality cut and D colour now (amora gem). You can maybe keep your setting with the diamond, wand get your dream ring with a big moissy!

Post # 103
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@cheapblingring:  You’re right, it is too high to be practical.  I’d probably scratch myself, snag a sweater or put a run in my stockings.  Once you have a baby you run the risk of scratching the little critter.  I totally get where you’re coming from.  My engagement ring was a fiasco.  The centre stone was off centre and every time I looked at it would make my blood boil because we were stuck with a costly ring that wasn’t right.  I won’t go into details but we couldn’t get it fixed and we ended up buying another new one.  If you’ve made the association between your ring being a symbol of him ignoring your wishes then you’re better off getting a new one.  There’s nothing wrong with being a strong woman with your own sense of style, especially if it’s an expensive item like a ring. tell your boyfriend that he worked really hard to get the money for the ring and that you to make sure to get the maximum amout of enjoyment value out of all his hard work so you’d rather have something more suitable.

Post # 104
2175 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@cheapblingring:  This reminds me in a silly way of a fight I had with my ex over a birthday present.  He bought me running shoes – seriously…I’d told him a dozen times I liked gifts that I wouldn’t buy for myself, did he think I wouldn’t replace my running shoes when I wanted to?  I guess the shop was out of vacuum cleaners.  But what really got me was that he bought me the only brand of running shoes I’d ever told him I hated.  I’d literally complained to him about a bad experience I had with this brand of shoes cutting the heels of my feet.  And he got all butt hurt over the fact that I didn’t like my gift, because apparently it’s my job to like it just because he’s my boyfriend and he bought it for me.  I’m getting angry all over again about these stupid running shoes right now and we’ve been broken up for years, I’m an idiot.

But honestly, I think the main problem is that you made clear to him what you wanted and he didn’t listen.  I think you have every right to be upset about that, and I hope you work out a solution that makes both of you happy.

Post # 105
37 posts
  • Wedding: December 2014

my aunt forced my uncle to take back the ring that he used to propose to her with over 20 years ago.  to this day, my family brings this story up everytime she does anything selfish, it’s honestly just who she is.


that being said, you seem to much more sympathetic to his feelings than my aunt was, and i am in no was saying your circumstances are the same.  however, i worry that your future inlaws will think your ungrateful, or selfish, or materialistic, etc.  i would just tread lightly with this issue.  


i can see where you’re coming from that you made no secret of your expectations, but were you pressuring him to pop the question at the wrong time?  i also was very clear with my fiance about my ring before he bought it.  he is extremely cheap, but has money to spend on things, just chooses not to.  so i told him, if he was cheap with my ring, i would never forgive him – just because i should be important enough to part with a little bit of money.  Anyways, he spent a decent amount on my ring (not 4500) and i’m pleased with it, but i told him i wanted a 10 year anniversary ring of my dreams!  that was my way of telling him that this is perfect now for a young couple, with a mortgage, and still in need of things for the house, and everything.  but when we get more financially stable, i’d like another one… who wouldn’t want another one, anyways?

Post # 106
4031 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@cheapblingring:  Sweet Jesus that ring is out of control. Is it pretty? Sure. Is it practical? No. 

I feel like I’m beating a dead horse, but I agree with other posters. If your fiance is okay with it, upgrade. If he’s not okay, try to find some comprimise. Buy yourself a really bangin’ RHR…and slowly move it over to your left hand. I can only give advice based off of my relationship, and I have to say that I would go to my SO, sit him down, and have a gentle, but firm, conversation. If you think talking about the size will hurt his ego, go at it from the practical angle, that the ring is simply too high, etc. Express that while you appreciate everything he did for you, at the end of the day, it is not 100% about him–it is your ring, your hand. It is something everyone wants to see when you announce your engagement. If he expects you to wear it for the rest of your life, you should be 100% happy with it. I’m sure he meant well, but shame on him for not listening to you or taking into account what you wanted. I nipped that in the bud and have EXPRESSLY told my SO where, how, and who to contact about getting me a ring I like. I have told my close girlfriends, his best friend, his mother, my mother…everyone!!! so that when he goes looking, no matter who he goes to has a picture, store, and specs that would be ideal. Why? Because I, like you, have turned down jewelry for three years now, asking that he put any spare money he’d put into random earrings and bracelets towards a ring. 

That ring he presented you with is beautiful, but seriously not practical and if he loves you he will understand and he will work towards rectifying the situation. 

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